Awesome truth (for me…)

posted 2 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 2
Member
1108 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

This is nothing like me.  However, I enjoy being intimate with my SO.  I don’t see sex as a “chore”. 

Post # 3
Member
2455 posts
Buzzing bee

She sure feels gross a lot lol. He should make a chart on how often she uses the same excuse.

 

I really like using spreadsheets so I’m more like the husband on this one

Post # 4
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think there are wrong things happening on both sides. The fact that he wants/asks EVERY single day would be kind of off putting. I like to initiate every once in a while. The fact that they only had sex 3 times in 6 weeks seems pretty low, no wonder he was frustrated! She uses the same excuse “I feel gross” which is a major turn off, I would imagine. Obviously, we don’t know anything about their relationship, but it sounds like some compromise and communication needs to happen. From what I heard though, I think she got really upset that he posted this, so they might not even be together.

Post # 5
Member
1055 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - Loft

texaslemon:  If anyone in my relationship is guilty of this it is my FI. I am the opposite.

Post # 6
Member
7395 posts
Busy Beekeeper

How healthy 

what kind of douche emails this to their wife instead of having a conversation about the issue? Maybe his lack of communications skills and passive aggression turns her off?

Post # 7
Member
1201 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: A very pretty church.

texaslemon:  That’s us. Top reasons (‘excuses’ seems really judgemental) -> “studying” 2/3 and “I don’t feel good, shouldn’t have had that strawberry milk” the other 1/3. I am pretty understanding re studying but I find it hard to sympathise with self inflicted indigestion (lactose intolerant? Don’t drink milk…). Having discordant drives in a monogamous relationship is really challenging sometimes.

Post # 8
Member
4639 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Sex with my FI does not feel like a chore, in fact if it did I’d leave my relationship. A healthy sex life, where both partners are fulfilled is important to me. To have anything otherwise leads me to believe you’re in the wrong relationship.

While I don’t think passive aggresively sending your wife a spreadsheet on her way out the door is a great move, I feel awful for him. The fact that there are multiple entries about watching TV is just plain sad.

 

Post # 9
Member
478 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

First off, after 8 years of being with my man, not once have neither of us asked or said ”Want to have sex tonight?” I dont understand the concept of asking because I feel like planning it to a T ruins it. Its either we get into bed and one of us starts something or its spontaneous during the day.

He was sort of a douche bag but at the same time, sex is HUGE part of a relationship and I have a feeling that he started makin this chart long after a pattern with her was started. Men ARE allowed to feel neglected too but most of the time dont say anything because women get all huffy and insulted if you try. If a woman was upset she wasnt getting sex, nobody would care but as soon as a man does it, they are pigs. Rubbish. I dont nessessarily agree with his way of telling her but I also sympathize with him. 

Post # 10
Member
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015 - Family Farm

Ok. This guy wanted to show that he was unsatisfied with their sex life. . Instead of talking it out he took a left into dougebag-ville and ended up being voted mayor.

The FI and I have sex on average 2-3 times a week. Sometimes none. Maybe I’m tired, or he is. A lot of times it’s both of us. I never feel the need to have sex if I am not in the mood.  I don’t think passive aggressive spreadsheets are going to do anythign other than show how immature you are.

Post # 11
Member
2455 posts
Buzzing bee

aka_nessa :  We’ve been together 8 (almost 9) years too! And it’s the same way; we may not do it every day but we are both fulfilled and satisfied. And it’s still pretty spontaneous. In fact we rarely do the have-sex-go-to-bed thing.

Usually it’s late mornings on the weekends after sleeping in, randomly in the evening after work, or just during the day after walking the dog…whenever it feels right!

Post # 12
Member
2455 posts
Buzzing bee

Also “I feel gross” is just an excuse, otherwise she’d offer to have him shower with her to get things started!

 

ETA: I’m not trying to blame the woman here at all, just pointing out that whatever the real reasons are for their rocky relationship or whatever reason the passion is gone, it’s not because she simply feels gross.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  MrsKriegerson.
Post # 13
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

There are people at all points of the spectrum (and lots of potential causes for that), so I don’t find it surprising that some people have this many excuses.  However – I cannot relate to this at all!

Also seems, as some bees have already pointed out, that her relationship has a lot of other issues which might be directly impacting how she perceives herself – which is sad.

Post # 14
Member
851 posts
Busy bee

Here are my thoughts: “no” is a complete sentence. It doesn’t matter how “good” or “bad” her reasons are because she doesn’t have to have a reason. Not wanting sex is all the reason she needs. It is not her job to have X amount of sex with her partner X number of times a day/week/month. She has sex when she wants to and no other times.

As far as the guy: if you are unhappy in your relationship then it is your responsibility to talk about it with your partner instead of being a passive aggressive asshat. If that’s how he is in the rest of his life then I’m not surprised his wife doesn’t want to have sex. 

Post # 15
Member
5222 posts
Bee Keeper

I am on the opposite side of the fence on this issue:

 

Obviously sex is important to him. Obviously it isn’t as important to her. Let’s take a guess and say that they both know this about each other, have talked it out, tried to reach compromises and there’s been no “movement” from her. He gets fed up and wants to SHOW her rather than just talk about it. SHE is the one who posted it online, not him. He was keeping this between them, she brought it out to the open. 

I think sex is a big deal, and it’s not fair for the person who is settling their libido to be minimalized constantly. For all of you who DO have healthy sex lives, think how you would feel if cold turkey you went 7 weeks with almost no sex and all of the “talking” in world didn’t solve it. Yeah, you’d be keeping count. So I wouldn’t jump on his case too much. I am not saying that I agree with his approach, but I wouldn’t flame him too hard.

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