Post # 1
My inlaws loved me until we got engaged–now their a nightmare. The worst part is i feel like my fiance doesn’t stick up for me–he just lets them talk. The even worse part is that my fiance is engaged and all this started right before he left! I”m scared that in the future he’s going to take their side over mine ! I’ve done nothing wrong & one time i said his dad was being ridiculous and he FLIPPED out on me! Yet they say i’m not good enough, and talk crap about me post stuff on my facebook and he does pretty much nothing!
Post # 3
Honey, that’s not a problem with your in-laws, it’s a problem with your FI. If his family says anything rude to you, his IMMEDIATE response should be, “Airmansprincess is going to be my wife, and I won’t let you speak to her like that.” It’s just annoying if they’re poorly behaved and he sticks up for you, it’s a huge problem if their behavior is allowed. Chances are very high that this will not change after the wedding, so you have to decide if this is something you can put up with. Good luck.
Post # 4
What Johnsbride09 said. Your fiance NEEDS to stick up for you!
Post # 5
Yeah you have a FI problem, not an IL problem, although I don’t think it’s right for them to talk crap. You should definitely have this taken care of before the wedding…I was in your shoes and would have called off the wedding had things not changed. My FMIL was the same way, or so I thought. She seemed to do a 180 after we talked about getting married and then becoming engaged. But apparently she disliked me since before our first date so for almost 4 years she has hated me. Nice. You are becoming his wife and should be number 1. My FMIL eventually “showed” herself, which helped my FI see the light in a tremendous way, for me but it takes a lot for me to trust.
Good luck. Have you read “Toxic In-Laws”? You might want to give it a shot.
Post # 6
You def need to get your FI in check. he needs to let his family know that this type of behavior is not acceptable.
@pendola — is Toxic In Laws a book that you can get at any old bookstore?
Post # 7
@Airmansprincess – I am with everyone else!
You need to sit your FI down and discuss this with him. On your wedding day YOU and HIM become a family and your ties become stronger than the ties with his family!
This is a big issue – you don’t want to live your life as second best!
Post # 8
Woah, yeah… wifey comes before parents!
Just curious, what culture is your FI from? I know in the Chinese culture (I’m speaking China, not American Chinese; I don’t know much about that subculture) parents are considered ‘more important’ than a spouse, and most sons would choose their mother over their wife. There may be some cultural work at play!
Post # 9
im sorry your having to deal with all that 🙁
maybe just sit down with your guy and tell him how much it hurts, guys seem to respond better and listen more when the topic isnt brought up in the heat of the moment. i know im that way too if we sit down when we are both calm and not in the moment our communication goes so much better.
Post # 10
STL- yes you should be able to get it anywhere, you might want to even check out your local library- ours didn’t have it so I just bought it off of amazon for like $10!
Post # 11
He definately needs to stick up for you and demand that they respect you and treat you right. Otherwise they will run all over you. This is the rest of your life you are talking about here. You need to have a talk with him so he can put his family in check.
Post # 12
Yeah, you need to have a frank discussion with him. They’re a secondary problem. I see he is not around right now, but maybe put off wedding planning until you can talk this over, because this is NOT ok. Wives opinions > parents opinions when you’re getting married.
Best wishes to you!
Post # 13
Oh my gosh thats horrible. I would talk to him also and tell him how it hurts you.