Post # 1
Goodbye October, November, December. 🙁
The timeline SO has talked about for 6 months was October-January. This weekend he informed me that his new timeline was “mid to late spring of next year”. Sigh.
I had surgery today (6th foot surgery-so ready for all this crap to be over..). We’re in an LDR and I live practically alone (technically I live with three guys, but they aren’t helpful at all), so I was already really stressed this weekend trying to get ready for it/recovery, so I didn’t try and get a reason out of him as to why he was doing away with his current timeline. We were just sitting at dinner (he came to visit this past weekend) and he looked at me with this blank look on his face and said, “I know I’ve been promising you a proposal between October and January, but I thought’d I’d be fair and let you know I’ve changed my mind and think mid to late spring is better.”
We’ve been together over 4.5 years. I am so frustrated that he is changing his timeline! This isn’t the first time to do it, but last time he just pushed it back two months. This time is longer. Has anybody else’s SO completely changed their timeline? I honestly don’t know why he did this- it’s not a money issue. I’m really emotional from all the anesthesia meds/pain pills, so I’m not going to bring it up today, but I’m upset and wanted to vent to somebody. (BIG thank yous to any bees who read this/reply). Am I being silly by getting upset? Should I talk to him about it or bite my tongue?
Post # 3
@AllieANT: First, I want to say that I am sorry about your foot surgery and hope you recovery quickly. Most of my young life (ages 3-7), my mom had multiple foot surgeries and just foot problems in general so I have seen how awful it could be.
Now, I do not think you are wrong for being upset because we are all anxious waiting bees that rely upon the timelines our SOs give us for our sanity (or insanity?). There has to be a reason for it and I would suggest giving yourself a few days to recoup first, let things simmer down a bit because I am sure he knows you are hurting, and then talk about it. There has to be a reason behind it, and after waiting patiently for 4.5 years, and from what I am reading, receiving multiple timelines, you deserve an explanation. Make sure he isn’t planning something special first before you go too deep into the conversation. You said his face was blank which leads me to believe there might have been something serious going on in his mind at the time, but definitely find out why he changed his mind to spring.
My SO hasn’t changed his timeline…we had some HUUUGE issues from my inability to shut it and let him breathe (that are being resolved quickly now…thank God), but if he were to back out of the timeline he has given me recently, I would be a bit PO’d. Give yourself time to adjust to your meds and rest for a day or two (if your seething emotions will allow it), and then see what is going on. Best of luck to your recovery and future talk.
Post # 4
@AllieANT: My SO originally said May of 2012, and I asked for him to make it happen by May of 2013 and I was really upset/hurt/emotional (he had some bad times/ money issues and is too prideful to get me something less expensive even though I would be happy with that). Then he said by New Years and I was SUPER DUPER excited!! Recently he said maybe New Years but if not then by May 2013… and I was pissed.
I don’t think it is silly that you are upset- this is your future and your life!! I think you have every right to communicate your feelings about it- but then you need to bite your tongue after you speak your peace. Bringing it up over and over again is nagging (I know bc I do it and it never ends well).
Why would he postpone it? Maybe he wants to ask your Dad? Or maybe there is a special event for you two in the Spring? Or maybe his proposal idea requires warm weather? Maybe it will be on a trip somewhere he is planning? Just stay hopeful and heal and if you need anything, then there are plenty of bees here happy to help!! <3
Post # 5
My SO changed his timeline from one year to the next. I was devestated, but I knew why he did it so it helped take some of the sting out of it. Maybe if you can find out why he had to push it back that would help? Maybe it was money, or he plans on getting a photog and spring pictures will be prettier, or he’s planning a trip. Obviously he probably won’t tell you the last two, but he can just say it has something to do with giving you a great proposal.
Post # 6
@HeartsandSparkles: & @MissComicBook: Yeah, I don’t nag- from the time he first gave me a timeline, I’ve refrained from bringing the subject up unless he does. I want so badly to believe it has something to do with how he wants to propose, but he told me a month ago that he already knew how he was going to propose and ten seconds before moving the timeline he was telling me he hadn’t planned any details about the proposal, just knew how. He kinda used that as a segue into the moving of the timeline. His parents live in the same town as my parents, and he goes home to see them often, so he has more than enough time to ask and still make the original timeline. Also, we aren’t going on any trips we’re full time students, and we live in Texas, where even the winters aren’t cold. It’s definitely not a money issue.
@stillwaiting88: Thanks for your well wishes! Hopefully I’ll be totally better after this surgery. I’m worried there was something serious going on in his mind because of his blank face. That, more than being upset, is making it harder to refrain from bringing it up, but I just know it’s not going to be helpful if I have this conversation while irrational from medicine.
Men are so frustrating! Grrr. If only I could read his mind muaha.
Post # 8
Yep. Fiance definitely changed his mind but TBH we were not in a good place so I don’t blame him. Originally he told me that it would be before the end of the end (and TBH that’s because I practically forced him to do give me a timeline..) End of the year came..and then went….
He proposed 2 months later, in FEB…After I stopped bugging him.
I know it’s hard and that’s very frustrating. I think you need to ask him why he is changing it.
Post # 9
I thought my proposal was due for around next month. I am not convinced at all anymore. I was upset, but I’ve come around. Now though, I don’t know. SO says he want’s kids by the time he’s 40 which is a little over six years away. He knows I want to be married first. I think we may end up being one of those couples who enjoy each other before marriage and then start popping kids out ASAP afterwards. As opposed to my cousin who got married 3 years after they met and didn’t have kids until the 5 year mark of marriage (8 years total). SO and I have been together around 2.5 years.
Post # 10
@ladyartichoke: Hahah I think we’ll probably be one of those fast babymaking couples too- we both have some insane baby fever!
I’m just bummed because I was so excited. He’s a VERY slow mover, and he promised me up and down and over again that he wasn’t going to drag this out. In fact, it’s a running joke with my friends that he’s a “turtle”, because everything in our relationship has been slow. It took months and months of dates before he considered me his girlfriend, took him a long long time to say ‘I love you’, and makes most of his decisions not even about me, slowly. But this time he promised, and now he’s going back on it. I think I’m going to try talking to him this weekend…
I seriously wish he’d never given me a timeline. I didn’t ask for one, I think he intially told me his timeline so he wouldn’t appear like a “turtle” this time, but never intended on actually proposing then.. Awesome.
Post # 11
@AllieANT: Yep. The original timline was by the end of the year ’08 (dating almost 8 years at that point), which then changed to end of the year ’09. In all fairness, we hit a rough spot financially with me losing my job, but he did end up proposing by the end of the ‘new’ timeline–Christmas Eve ’09, lol.
Post # 12
@stillwaiting88: I agree with this response. You have the right the be upset and there’s a reason he’s changing the timeline again, (that sounded sci-fi). I’m sorry you have to go through all of the above, especially by yourself . Hopefully after the med effects are gone you can have a conversation and let him know you are hurting from these actions with no explanation.
I’ve been with my SO for about the same amount of time and I don’t have a timeline yet, except it’ll happen. We discussed after both our apt leases are up, (July 2013), we’d tie the knot then. But with each passing month I get a bit more antsy.
Hang in there AllieANT!
Post # 14
he just changed his mind?! Oh my god – I would be going INSANE!
Post # 15
Thanks ladies! Glad to hear I’m not overreacting or being silly.
@Leelee26: Hahah do you watch Community? They have an episode about different timelines of the same day and run through a bunch of them. Pretty funny!
I’m genuinely hoping he has a real reason to change it, but deep down I just feel it- he just changed his mind because he wanted to. I guess I’ll find out for sure when I ask, but I’ve just got that gut feeling.