Awful wedding experience, can't get over it, Vow renewal?

posted 2 years ago in Vow Renewals
Post # 2
Member
1362 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

Wow, I’m really sorry.  That sounds awful. 🙁

Post # 3
Member
6026 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I can absolutely understand how disappointed and upset you are. Your family members sound like a bunch of flakes.  But I hate the trend on weddingbee how if a wedding isn’t perfect, then the only answer is a vow renewal.  I think it’s an unrealistic outlook on life that if something doesn’t go right, just do it over. Personally I’d try as hard as possible to put the disappointment behind me, focus on the handful of most important people in my life, and look forward to planning a kick-ass 10th Anniversary trip with my husband— not as a replacement for a wedding reception gone wrong, but rather, a celebration of 10 wonderful years together (when we got to Big Number 10).

Post # 4
Member
2428 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I’m sorry you have such bad memories of your wedding. Hopefully in time you won’t think about it as much (it’s still very recent) and all you’ll remember is marrying your best friend. A vow renewal, just the two of you, sounds great!

Post # 5
Member
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Our Backyard/Steakhouse

ElleVee:  honest question, how would having a vow renewal change anything about what happened and how you feel?

You are entitled to feel however you do, but what you choose to do with those feelings is important. 

I don’t see how a bow renewal will change anything about what happened at your wedding. It isn’t going to undo or erase anything from that day. 

My thoughts, you’ve had a month of dwelling on this on your head. A month of going over every detail and picking it apart. Except the most important one….YOU GOT MARRIED!!!! YAY!!!! celebrate that fact, celebrate with a nice dinner out with your husband, just the two of you. Wasn’t that the whole point of the wedding?

Let go of all the things that didn’t go according to plan. You can’t change them, all you will do is drive yourself crazy. 

Sometimes life sucks, and it will suck the life out of you if you let it. 

Enjoy being a newlywed!

Post # 6
Member
1424 posts
Bumble bee

I’m sorry.  Did you do a honeymoon?   Seems like it might be nice to add a vow renewal to your honeymoon so you can feel better about it.

I don’t know if this is helpful but was there a big break in between the wedding and reception?  You mentioned the wedding was at 1 pm… Just thinking that although hurtful to you if these people were leaving at 7 or 8 pm, even though that is early but they had already been participating in the wedding for 5 or 6 hours they might not have realized that hurt your feelings when they left or that there was an intention the reception would go much later.  Maybe they thought it was wrapping up and you were all going back to the hotel to drink and hang out later into the night?

Post # 7
Member
2364 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

ElleVee:  That’s really fucked up, I’m so sorry :-/  That’s why it’s best to not have any expectations, as horrible as that sounds!  

Maybe one day…not today, or tomorrow…you’ll look back at it and laugh.  

Post # 9
Member
2657 posts
Sugar bee

My wedding was a few weeks ago and it did not hit me until a week after the wedding that we were really married.  The first few days felt like every other day we spent together while dating and engaged.  We live together and own a house, so it’s not as big of a change in lifestyle for us to be married as it is for other couples.  I think that it’s normal for a delay in that feeling to hit you.  I told my husband recently that every day since our wedding, I’ve felt more in love with him than the day before.  The wedding was not the peak of our happiness, and I honestly don’t remember jack about our ceremony other than DH being really sweaty (outdoor wedding).  Without a wedding to plan, we can finally relax again.  We go on dinner dates again, we have free time, we’ve started a new hobby together, and it’s been really awesome.  We’ve even talked about doing a day trip to the beach this weekend just for the heck of it.  It’s worth noting that we haven’t honeymooned yet, this is all stuff we’ve been doing in our normal life between work and home.  

Try taking some time with your husband and doing something fun for the two of you.  If that means a vow renewal, that’s cool.  Go somewhere exotic and soak it all in 🙂

Post # 10
Member
3828 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Ouch, i would be livid.  I would probably never speak to the no-shows again. That is so rude. 

Honestly there was alot about my wedding i was very angry about for a long time. Now over a year later and i think we had a lovely day and i actually just think about all the good parts that made me happy.  

Plan a big friggin trip and celebrate not having to plan a damn wedding

Post # 11
Member
1424 posts
Bumble bee

Well, the they were there all day and already worn out thinking the event was over excuse doesn’t really work for them leaving before 6 pm 🙁

I’m still kind of stuck on thinking there may have been some confusion that caused everyone to leave early but I think really the other posters are right – You need to focus on the fact you’re married, and the things that went right instead of the fact people didn’t stay for dancing and partying at the venue.  These people’s behavior is not worth continuing to cry over when you are starting this new stage in your life happily married.

Post # 12
Member
1441 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

bleusteel:  +1  Perfectly written.  I got married a month ago and it only started to really hit us once we got back from the honeymoon, and I am happier by the day that I’m really married to this amazing person.  The wedding itself is a blur – glad I have pictures I guess!

OP, try to focus on the good things.  You can’t erase what happened.  Maybe plan a kickass trip for your first anniversary and you can have a special night out on the anniversary itself where you tell each other how glad you are to be married.  You don’t need a photographer or an overpriced white dress to have what’s really important.

Post # 13
Member
312 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

How bizarre that everyone left! I was really puzzled until I read your comment that the party ran from 1PM – 6PM. I’m wondering if everyone left to go get dinner? 1PM – 6PM is that odd time between lunch and supper – it might be that everyone assumed coffee and donuts and cake and booze were the only offerings they could expect, and after getting a bit tipsy, they got hungry and decided to go get a square meal.

At any rate, I’m so sorry — it sounds like a real bummer of a day. 🙁 After such a disastrous party, I have to imagine that you’d want a very small, private vow renewal (rather than trying to throw another shindig for these ingrates). If flying with your hubs to some island and exchanging vows at sunset would help you forget the debacle, that is totally what you should do!

Post # 14
Member
3047 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

ElleVee: My family was horrible during our wedding and my initial reaction was to do a vow renewal as well, to sort of claim our day back. However, we decided that we wouldn’t let them do that to our wedding day. Despite the fact that part of the wedding experience was awful (to the extent that I no longer speak to my parents or brother) our wedding day is still our wedding day. That was the day that we became husband and wife and that’s the most important thing in the world to us. It’s been a little more than a year now and while it hurts if I actively think about the things that was said and done I feel like I’ve put the pain behind me. I’m sure you’ll start to feel better once you’ve had a little more time to digest things – and do talk about it with your husband. It has really helped me to talk it over with mine whenever I felt sad. 

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