Post # 1
So, FH and I decided “way back when” that we were having an adults-only wedding. Well, FMIL wasn’t too thrilled with that, but we decided to let the topic go until after work settled down. Then we got a huge list of FMIL’s “friends” to add. Needless to say, those FH didn’t know were cut.
Well, FH was going to sit down with FMIL in the next week or so. But, when we talked with FSIL (who is getting married next year), she mentioned that she had told FMIL a month ago about our “cuts”. And told FMIL not to tell FH that FSIL told her. Which makes the email FMIL sent FH a month ago asking to “review the list” make a lot more sense. Since work was so busy, FH didn’t have a chance to actually respond to that.
So, FMIL now knows what’s up, she’s not saying anything and FH doesn’t think he needs to address it anymore since she already knows. Um, I think he should still talk to her so she doesn’t think we’re just ignoring her.
But, now that we know she knows . . . what’s the next step?
Post # 3
- Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas
I think that he should talk to her about why he removed those people from the list. Are you guys paying for the wedding? If so, you have full reign of the guest list, and it’s completely within your rights to not want to invite people you don’t know. I would just explain to her that you only want people there who you know personally!
Post # 4
I totally agree with Amanada lynn. Your FI should definitely talk to her though. The through-the-grape-vine kind of communication can really end up badly, with people mad and things misunderstood. It’s totally understandable to only want people you know there.
Post # 5
I agree with the ladies above. I think it does need to be brought up between your FH and his mother so that she hears it from him and not just through a third party. For me, its a respect issue to have the conversation with her about it in person. I’d just have a frank discussion about the need to shorten the list and your desire to not have people you don’t know there.
Post # 6
Yeah, I wanted him to speak with her BEFORE work got busy, but that just didn’t happen. Hopefully he can smooth things out.
FYI – my parents are paying for the majority of the wedding, but his parents are contributing a bit. But the “fun” part is that my parents said they’d pay “as long as the day is what FH and I want and we don’t let people force us to compromise” – nice of them, huh?
And by nice, I mean fantastic, except when someone else is contributing a little bit so they can have their “say” in things. I’m fully prepared to decline FMIL’s money if it comes with strings, though.
Post # 7
I would talk with FMIL together and see if you can come to some sort of compromise that you two are okay with. If she is contributing then you should at least be open to her suggestions.
Post # 8
I was fully prepared to decline money that came with strings, too. I’d rather pay for it to be my way, than have my parents or in-laws pay and have free reign over the guest list.
I think you or FH still need talk to her and let her know who you cut and why. It’s totally understandable that you wouldn’t want strangers at your wedding. Hopefully she’ll be reasonable.