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I would say, "FMIL - it is so generous that you will be assisting us in our wedding finances! I was wondering if you could give us an estimate as to how much you'll be contributing? It would help us keep to a steady budget to know how much we are working with." Then when she says "oh we're giving 10,000" or "We think around 2,000-4,000" (or whatever) you can thnak her profuseley!
My vote is that you shouldn't ask. I would just wait to see what they put in the account and then thank them for it. If you ask, it may sound a bit greedy.
I would plan as if they aren't contributing any money. When they do it will be that much more you can save for a house and other personal things. But, you could consult with FMIL about the vendors (always a good thing anyway) so if she wants to use the money to help you upgrade it's easy for her to offer. For example if you decide you want X caterer and FMIL is less than excited about your plain chicken dinner, she could easily offer to help you serve lobster instead. It just seems a bit tacky to me to ask for money.
I sort of wonder why they are opening a special account for this. Why can't they just write you a check?
I had no idea that banks would let you open accounts for people if they weren't present! I would just wait and see what the contribution is - your FI should be able to see what the amount is if the account is in his name.
I wish they would just write us a check. FI thinks that they are contributing a certain amount of their monthly salary via direct deposit. They are from a very small town and using a local bank with a banker we all know very well, which is why I'm guessing they are allowing them to open an account in his name. Another reason we are thinking they are opening an account is that FIs grandparents raise cattle, and give a check from each cattle sale to one of the children, so those checks may be going into the account. I think we will just keep our original budget, and consider that money a wedding gift, and use it towards a home -- we are looking to buy around this time next year, so we are very grateful for whatever! Thanks for taking the time to respond.
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Hi bees! Let me start by saying, FI and are paying for the majority of the wedding ourselves. His parents are paying for our very expensive ceremony site rental, and my mom has bought things along the way--dress, shoes, jewelry, invitation kits, etc. We are very grateful for any help. A few days ago, FIs mom called needing a copy of FIs ID (he left Thursday to work out of state for a month) because they are opening a bank account in his name to put money aside to contribute to the wedding. We were obviously not expecting this -- we are very appreciative. However, this potential money could affect our decisions along the way. How do we tactfully find out what their estimated contribution is? We are going to continue to save the same amount, but like I said, the extra could affect the quality of vendors we choose. What do you think?