Awkward Plus One Situation

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
258 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I see your frustration but you kinda left yourself open to this one. If people ask for additional guests that you cannot invite, you tell them that. If a space opens up, then you go back to them with an additional invite. The way she sees it – she made a space for him. No wonder she’s confused. 

Post # 4
2699 posts
Sugar bee

I can definitely see where she was confused over it. Now she’s hurt and you’re hurt.

Post # 5
6171 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

i can see why you would be frustrated but since they are a couple you should let her bf come.

i don’t understand the not knowing everyone who is invited thing.  DH has people on his guest list that i did not know and I have no problem with them being invited.  i hadn’t met one of my friend’s bf until the wedding and i had no problem with her bringing him either.



Post # 6
29 posts
  • Wedding: September 2014


I see and understand both sides to this.

1. Your guest list is your guest list. It’s your wedding – you can invite who you want to invite, and not invite who you don’t. Space is limited. I totally understand this angle.

2. If you and her really are THAT close of friends – maybe she should be allowed to bring her BF. She’s (presumably) going to come to every wedding related function and bring you a gift (and her moral support) for each one. Maybe you have to have a little leeway with her. Maybe her parents aren’t coming as a favor to her BF – thinking that if they forgo their seats, X and Y can enjoy their night together.

As much as a wedding is to celebrate you and your husband’s union – it is also a social event. Mr. Galoshes & I are calling ours “the biggest party we’ve ever thrown”.

Just food for thought. Whatever your decision is, it will be the right decision for YOU and for YOUR wedding. Good luck!

Post # 7
10748 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

I can definitely understand her point of view. If her parents were already invited (A list?) and now can’t come, it’s pretty reasonable to expect that she could bring her date instead. 

Post # 8
2576 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Spideykiss:  +1

@jordyanna:  You need to keep your poker face on when dealing with your invite/guest list especially if it’s as complicated and controversial (the whole A, B, and C list has sparked a lot of controversy on the Bee) as yours – you invited X’s parents, but now will be inviting other people b/c the parents can’t come? Anyone would interpret that to mean, “Oh, 2 places opened up! Jordyanna said that whether my guy can come depends on who RSVPs yes and no, so there is no reason why my guy can’t come as he only takes up one of the two newly opened spots.” At least that’s how I would interpret it given X’s scenario. It’s awkward, but if I were you, I would just let X bring Y. 

Post # 9
1287 posts
Bumble bee

I see her point also…and again, she is one of your closest friends…you can budge a bit for one person to bring a +1, I mean, you are inviting their parents but not letting her bring her boyfriend?   I’d be upset and hurt over it too if I were her.  

Post # 11
2174 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I see her point in that she wants to bring her guy…  And I think you should let her bring him.

That said, invitations are not transferrable.  It’s not like if her parents can’t come she can just bring two people…  She’s very confused.

Post # 12
553 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

People just dont get it….(sigh) Im sorry this has happened to  you!! This is such a common thread!! You do what you have to do, and if Y can’t come, o well. You and your friends will still have an amazing time.


Post # 13
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

This is why B (and apparently C and D listing) is a terrible idea. If she’s in a relationship, you need to let her bring her boyfriend, regardless of whether you know him.

Post # 14
1018 posts
Bumble bee

@jordyanna:  Her side totally makes sense to me FROM HER POINT OF VIEW because to HER it sounded like if there were “enough ‘no’s” than he could come. There were two no’s and he is only one person so from her POV you have TWO places open, one of which he can fill.

On your side (it’s a little confusing to me) but I guess you’re saying you have a lot of international family that you have not invited yet on the the A-list (so they are B-listers) and when you can an A-list “no” you invite a new B-list member? Is that right? So her parents’ two no’s mean that you can invite Aunt Louise and Uncle Arthur from Whereverstan instead.

Does she know your guest list situation? Is her plus one a C or D lister?

Post # 15
3668 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

If you have such a tight-knit group, I would really let her bring her boyfriend. She’s one of your best friends. Believe me, I understand how expensive weddings are and how tight guest lists can be, but one boyfriend is not worth potentially wrecking years of friendship.

Post # 16
1492 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@ValerieBee03:  +1 

normally I would be sympathetic but you have created a rather confusing situation here (C… D lists) which makes it hard for your friend to understand.

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