Awkward pregnancy announcement, need advice.

posted 3 years ago in Family
  • poll: Should she speak to him
    yes : (28 votes)
    47 %
    no : (32 votes)
    53 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1613 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @walnutgirl:  Since you are not family but a friend, all I would do is listen to her.

    Her brother is old enough to know babies are a LOT of responsibility and if he wants to make such a drastic change to his life, it’s his to make it.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2913 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

    They are adults, not much she can do here.

    Post # 6
    Member
    10219 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Older Bee here…

    Honestly a sad story all around…

    IMO as an Oldtimer (I’m over 50)

    I’d say just “be there” for your friend… a safe place where she can vent her frustrations.

    In all honesty (and you can tell her this) as someone my age I’ve seen this sort of thing more than once in life.

    Unfortunately, people “in love” (or more likely IN LUST) cannot see reality for what it truly is

    There is a lot more to a marriage than just saying you are in love, and saying I DO

    (Probably WHY there are so many Divorces… people don’t get that Marriages are a HUGE Commitment and a TON of hard work)

    Likewise there are a lot more things to being Pregnant & a Parent… than the sex act, and having a baby

    So many people get wrapped up in the idea that a baby is a “cute” expression of what they see in each other’s eyes (part me, part you = too cute)

    (In reality, babies are a HUGE Commitment and a TON of hard work)

    Altho… unlike a Marriage, a child truly is a commitment that one makes FOREVER.  There usually no way out from under that “mistake”

    So ya, sadly… Mr Head-Over-Heals with the Girl-with-no-ambition-but-2-B-Pregnant will have to find out all about REALITY on his own

    (( Sorry ))

     

    Post # 8
    Member
    3756 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    Unfortunately people have to make their own mistakes and when they are in situations like this, nothing that anyone says will change their minds. Your cousin telling her brother her opinion is likely to just cause a rift between them right now, rather than knock sense into him. All you can really do is try to be supportive. It’s his life and his choices and he’ll be the one that has to live with them. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    2271 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2009

    @walnutgirl:  I really don’t know if there is anything you can do.  In my experience, when family started getting involved in a relationshop of another family member, it just created a big rift.  I understand what it’s like to not like a family member’s chosen significant other, but in the end it’s their choice to make.

    Post # 10
    Member
    389 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    My opinion is that she should express her concerns to him in a loving way. I was 18 years old when I got pregnant with my first child. It was an accident – not planned, but I was so caught up in the heat of the sexual relationship and I had my mother and a few concerned friends speak up that they were  concerned. Although, I still went and got myself pregnant and was in a very unhealthy relationship, I still look back and see that they truly cared for me by confronting me about the situation.  Now I am a single mother, and I LOVE my son but life could have gone a lot more smoothly for my early 20’s had I left that relationship before I got pregnant! But at least I only have myself to blame for that – because others who could see the situation clearly already warned me!

     

    Post # 11
    Member
    778 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I think everyone needs to mind their own business.  Even if she did talk to him, you really think he will suddenly change his mind?  “Gee sis, you’re right!  What was I thinking?”  Not likely.  Trying to talk sense into him will result only in resentment and anger.  It’s not worth it.  He’s a big boy and he will figure it out in the long run.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1907 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014 - TTC #2

    @walnutgirl:  

    ‘or just let things take their course and let him make his own mistakes.’
     
    Normally this is my mantra, but this ‘mistake’ isn’t a mistake that affects just him (drugs, bad career move, gambling etc) but this is bringing another soul into this world, a human that has no choice in the matter. If you truly feel this mistake will cause the child to suffer in any way, definitely step in. But if there’s hope this child will be happy and your cousin and this girl can be good parents (regardless of how the family feels about the girl), then it isn’t anyone’s business I’m afraid.

    Post # 13
    Member
    230 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    maybe its just me but this women doesn’t seem so awful? maybe she is just too shy to talk to his family? maybe she wants to be a stay at home mother in the future? or hasn’t truly picked what schooling she wants to go for…
    26 & 20 they are adults and can make their own choices in life. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    11772 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Ugh. She should talk to her brother about it, but accept that the (foolish) choice is his…

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