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I can anticipate some of these happening to me, too :)
I'm going to Thanksgiving at his house which is the holiday they host at their family home and his entire extended family comes. I haven't seen most of them since last Thanksgiving.
The last time we ran into one of his extended family, they assumed we were already married, not sure if that's good or bad... We don't even live together yet.
I hope you get some good advice for happy, witty, comebacks to the inevitable questions!
I would tell them to ask him. It's not awkward it's honest. You are waiting and it's his decision.
Whenever I got asked that (and it was often) I would say "ASK HIM!" loud enough so FI could hear. LOL.
Before we were engaged my one cousin in particular literally asked us that EVERY time he saw us. It did start to get annoying but I just always laughed and said "someday" because it really wasn't any of his business and became so frustrating. But if it was my FIs family I would definintely have just said ask him haha
my reply was patience is a virtue and I have become a master!
My plan is to tell them they'll know when we're getting married when we're engaged, and to give them my most steely, intimidating death look daring them to ask more questions. 
Yeah, I always tell people who ask to ask him. Though, only MY family asks me, and BF conveniently never comes to see my family. The few relatives of his that used to poke and prod (but not outright ask) have given up.
After waiting for six years I pretty much heard it all. In the end my grandparents resorted to "I sure hope you get married before I/we die." Oy Vey!!!
Our response as a whole was we will get married when we are ready/when it is the right time. While they have the right to be nosey they don't necessarily deserve a more detailed response. In the beginning we tried to be accomodating but towards the end we were definitely more of a united front against a barage of comments.
Last time we were with my family, all three of my brothers cornered him to ask him when he was going to propose! I was not happy with my brothers then, because it isn't up to them and them pressuring him most likely made him want to wait even longer.
I should also add, that if people ask me, I just tell them to ask him. So I shouldn't be mad with them asking him, but the way they did it wasn't good.
This Thanksgiving, I'm going to tell everyone "You're guess is as good as mine!", and point them in his direction, lol!
We've been together 7 years now, and this is our first Thanksgiving we're engaged. And its going to be weird because last thanksgiving they were talking about planning our wedding and how they were going to help (news flash, we're done) and they used to harrass us. I would always just say "ask c" and they would and he'd ignore them.
His family started asking when we were going to get married the first time they met me (no joke!). It was awkard at first we'd only been dating a couple of months. As we dated longer and they asked, I would either tell them that we plan on it when the time is right, or else to ask him. If it's something you've talked about with him and you know he's going to propose soon I don't think it's wrong for you to tell them to ask him.
I just smile, and nod. It can be frustrating but you can only do so much. Sometimes I will turn the heat to my boyfriend, and be like "Yeah, why aren't we engaged". But, that is only if I'm cranky
My FI & I were together almost 10 years (hs sweethearts) before he proposed this summer, so believe me I got my fair share of that question. It got really bad 4 years ago when I had our daughter. EVERYONE was asking that question and we made a point that even though we had been togeter 6 years already we would NOT get married because we had a child.I would just say, "I don't know, maybe soon." We had made a strong decision when we were younger to only get married when we were ready mentally, emotionally, and financially and unfortunately it has taken over 10 years to get there. But now they all want to put their 2cents in wedding planning. I don't know which is worse...the nagging before or now. Gotta love family/friends.
I hate those questions! It's like, if I knew I would tell you but I can't. I hate when they start asking me, expecially now since my cousin just got married my grandparents will be asking me even more now.
@butterflylove: Aaaargh. You expressed my feelings perfectly with this,
"It's hard not to compare, but it's a hard thing to swallow when others take the next step and become "part of the family" when you've been there for over 3 years..."
I am anticipating this happening very soon (perhaps Christmas), as I know SO's brother has been looking into engagement rings. Meanwhile, SO hasn't even suggested ring shopping to me... It's so difficult not to be bitter, even when thinking about it. I wish I had wise advice to share, but alas I don't. Just know that I'm with you for moral support!
So...I just got engaged after being with my bf for 9 years. Yes 9. That two handfuls of family holidays and much probing from his and my side of the family. His 4 year old neice once asked when we were getting married. I got to that point too-ASK HIM! But I just smiled and said things like, We'll see, Who knows, and We aren't in a rush (obviously). Sometimes even the When we can afford it works well since everyone gets money issues. When others say you are a catch quip with I AGREE-haha wink wink. You are. And it will come. There is no rush, not really. If you guys are together and happy that is all that matters. I promise that you will be happier when he (slowly) comes to his own decision that you are the one.
"Ask him" is a great responce.
They problem comes when they keep asking and won't shutup about it.
Relative/Friend: When are you getting engaged?
Me: Ask him
Relative: Well don't you have a timeline yet?
Me: He wants it to be a surprise
Relative: Well do you think it will be soon?
Me: I'm not sure, you should ask him about it.
Relative: Why havn't you just decided when you're getting married yet?
Me: We're not ready yet
Relative: When will you be ready?
Arrrrgh.
Before we were engaged I had an aunt who every time i saw her asked when were getting married. The first time i ever brought him home to meet my family we had only been dating a few months and as soon as she got me alone she asked. I just kinda brushed it off then, but then when the holidays rolled around and she asked every time she saw me I would get so annoyed. I finally told I'm not getting married, ever, just so she wouldn't quit asking. haha. My younger sister gets the same treatement. She's was with her FI for almost 5 years befor he proposed, but they are young, started dating in high school. But she got it much worse than me. She is too polite to say what I did.
"It's hard not to compare, but it's a hard thing to swallow when others take the next step and become "part of the family" when you've been there for over 3 years..."
I once ended a relationship over this. I'd been with my bf for three years (living together for two) and we weren't even engaged - his baby brother brought a girl home and was engaged to her within the year and married within 18 months. It made me feel like crap because I'd been there longer but she was "family" and I wasn't.
I kept thinking that they only started dating the previous year and were married already, whereas we were several years older and had been dating for twice that long but weren't even engaged. So I broached the subject of marriage, and my bf said very clearly that he wouldn't be ready for marriage in the foreseeable future. I figured if you're not ready for marriage aged 30 after a three year relationship and two years of living together, then you never will be... so I dumped him. No regrets.
"Other siblings or family members of your SO getting engaged after much shorter relationships than you and your SO."
I hate this. My friend recently got engaged after dating her bf for one year. He said she just knew she was the one - why doesn't my bf feel that way about me? :(
I think what I hate the most is that I'm ready and he's the one who's stalling - i.e. someone else's bf is sure about committing to them but my bf isn't sure about committing to me. So then I think "Why is she more worthy of committing to than I am?", "What's she got that I don't?", etc. It makes me feel bitter, resentful and jealous, and then I feel even more resentful about being made to feel bad just because he doesn't love me enough to commit to me. Sigh :(
"We'll see" is generally my response.
And yes i'm sick of his family asking. Any time i see ANYONE aunts uncles etc they look at my hand and ask when its gonna happen. I have little to say anymore because while i have a feeling its coming soon, i dont like it being rubbed in my face that its been over 3 years and i'm still ringless.
My response is usually to coyly say "ask him" or "I don't know..." while I turn to the SO with an an inquistive/eager/expecting look. I like when everyone looks at him like yes tell us, she's great, why not? :)
I have found that by smiling and doing this, it lets the asker know you are ready and waiting. People seem to understand the guy comes around a bit later, and then they usually laugh and harrass him just a bit. The SO takes it well and smiles and says something kinda vague usually, like "we're working on it" or "we'll get there".
Maybe my tactic is mean or embarrasses him slightly, but I have tried hard not to put a lot pressure on him myself, (aside from the occasional meltdowns ;)) so I think he needs to be reminded and to squirm a bit and explain why he hasn't officially take me off the market.
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This may have already been asked, but how do you all handle these awkward family situations (which I'm sure will come up over the Holiday season):
*Constant asking (from his family) When are you two getting married??
I get questioned by siblings and parents of HIS wondering when we are getting married... I just want to reply, "Why don't you ask HIM?" :) but I know that's awkward. I've run out of witty comments to make to try to ease the awkwardness, but I always wonder why am I the one that gets questioned and he somehow avoids it? (ie. he's not there at the time I get asked or I just don't realize he gets questioned in my absence possibly...?) It's as if it only bothers me I guess...
*Other siblings or family members of your SO getting engaged after much shorter relationships than you and your SO.
It's hard not to compare, but it's a hard thing to swallow when others take the next step and become "part of the family" when you've been there for over 3 years. I'm currently preparing myself for that to happen this Christmas from what I've overheard from HIS family...
*You are part of a conversation where friends of HIS family are talking about how great of a catch you are and that he needs to snatch me up "real quick!"
It's another reminder that he hasn't yet, and that if everyone else thinks that, why hasn't he?
I sometimes think "Am I invisible? :)"