Post # 1
We have now been married almost 6 months! It’s been great so far and we are still learning how to cohabitate together.
About a month ago, my hubby and I went to the mall and had an awkward run in with his ex gf. He doesn’t know that I know who she is. Long story short, they both avoided eye contact and he got very nervous. I’ve noticed that for the rest of our mall outing he was anxious. I am not sure if he was worried we would run into her again. I know he had a complicated and long relationship with her. I have no reason to believe he keeps in touch with her or sees her.
I think out relationship is great but ever since that mall incident I’ve been wondering why did he react that way when he saw her. I want to talk to him but I don’t know how to approach the subject about his ex-gf ( who at this point in our life is irrelevant)
Post # 3
@ccbarre: How do you know who she is without him mentioning her previously? How long in between you and her was there, if she was the ex before you?
FI knows I get jealous/weird, so if we ran into an ex I know he’d be anxious too, but because of my reaction, nothing to do with the ex.
Sorry about the run in – they suck, to say the least. 🙁
Post # 4
Well, how would you feel if you saw someone while you were at that you had been friends with/dated for a long time and you had a big falling out?
I can’t say much about ex boyfriends because I honestly haven’t run into any of mine except one (and this one was a “boyfriend” from middle school… haha, no big deal). But I have run into former friends that I had fallings out with and I tend to not want to talk to them but get nervous that I’ll run into them again and they’ll want to talk to me and bring up things from the past (which, they wouldn’t, but its still a fear).
His reaction really isn’t that weird. I wouldn’t worry about it.
Post # 5
I know who she is because I have seen pictures of her. I know about their relationship because his mom and cousin told me about their drama way before I’ve dated my husband. And yes, she is the ex before me.
Post # 6
I don’t think his reaction is weird. You are probably over thinking it a bit. Anytime I run into someone I don’t want to see (be it an ex, an old friend, ect.) I try to avoid them.
Post # 7
@YogaFaerie: +1. If I saw my ex bf at the mall I would probably feel a little anxious too. I have NO feelings at all for my ex and I haven’t spoken to him since before my FI and I got together. It’s just wierd seeing someone you used to see every day, for the first time in years that’s all!
Post # 8
I still get very very anxious when I see my ex’s or any of their friends. Awkward… very awkward.
Post # 9
I wouldn’t bring it up, I am sure he just wants to forget all about her. I saw my ex at the grocery store once. I did not tell my husband he was there on purpose. My husband has said he would kick his ass if he ever saw him and honestly the dude just isn’t worth it so I didn’t say anything. Seeing my ex again though annoyed me and it is not something I would really seek out.
Post # 10
Wait, why didn’t you say something right then like, “Well that was awkward!?” I think that would at least have answered some of your doubts.
Post # 11
I know whenever I see an ex, I try to avoid them and then I start thinking about when we were together, which makes me feel weird and awkward and uncomfortable (kind like I can’t believe I was with THAT guy), then the feeling goes away after a couple minutes. Don’t overthink it.
Post # 12
I don’t think you have any reason to worry. It can be an awkward situation to run into your ex, especially if it ended badly. On one hand, there’s the basic human nature of acknowledging someone we know, but it is conflicting with the desire of not wanting to be in contact. I’m completely socially awkward when caught off guard. This is what my thought process would be like:
Oh wow, there’s the ex. It sure has been a while.
Should I say something?
Do I WANT to say something?
What will BF think? I really don’t want there to be a scene or unpleasantness.
Why did I even have to run into ex today?
Why am I being such a baby? It’s been ages. I’m sure I could just say hi.
Great, now he’s gone.
Why do I suck at this so much?
I’d not bring it up but if you must, make sure he knows this isn’t about you not trusting him. You just need a little reassurance.
Post # 13
This in itself isn’t necessarily a red flag. I get awkward around people in that way too, if the last time I saw them it wasn’t on good terms. It applies to both old friends and past boyfriends. This is probably due to my nature; I don’t like confrontation at all and feel easily anxious.
I saw my old boyfriend from 8 years ago recently (we dated for 6 months when I was 18), and it was really weird. I was visiting my home city (I live in a different country) and went to buy some wine with my friend. The ex was working in the shop, and when I saw him my heart started racing and I just wanted to get out of there. I didn’t speak to him when I saw him because I was the one who ended things, and he took it badly at the time.
I can assure you that I have no feelings for him whatsoever (he used to really get on my nerves when we were together), but it was just so weird and unexpected to bump into him after not seeing him for 8 years. It mostly felt weird because the last time I saw him he was so hurt and angry with me for the way I treated him, and it therefore didn’t feel natural to strike up any conversation with him. So, I pretended like I didn’t see him. Maybe not the most mature approach, but I certainly wasn’t in a mood to discuss my life or my upcoming wedding with him.
Post # 14
@ccbarre: DH and I have been to his hometown 3 times since we’ve been together and he is always worried that we’ll run into his psycho ex. One time he almost did, I hadn’t flown in yet and he went with his brother to collect some things from BIL’s exGF and DH’s exGF’s car was there….they had apparently become BFFs since the brothers dumped them. Luckily both girls were gone at the time.
FIL works in the same building as DH’s first exGF and has seen her once or twice and talked to her…mostly about her kid. FIL doesn’t know that DH/exGF carried on an affair while in serious relationships w/others (not me) so he goes out of his way to talk to this woman….and then proceeds to call us and tell us…because you know, he thinks we could all hang out when we’re back in town. Lucky for me, I haven’t had to have that convo w/him about WHY we’ll never be buddies.