(Closed) Awkward SIL problems…

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
7609 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

What’s stopping you from planning your wedding?  It’s ok to have more than 1 wedding in a year and if theirs ends up being 2 months before yours…………………………………..so what?  🙂

I think you and your FI should just do your own thing and try not to worry so much about what she might or might not do.

Post # 4
Member
3668 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I would just keep your plans to yourselves so she can’t make a competition out of it. Don’t give her the satisfaction!

ETA: There’s no reason you should postpone your wedding for a year.

Post # 5
Member
533 posts
Busy bee

Don’t postpone the wedding. You get one day. That’s all. Who cares if hers is 2 months beforehand. Does it really effect you that much?

I don’t want people I’m not inviting to the wedding to know much about our day. I barely get asked at work, and I’m fine with it. Basic questions of when and how many people.

Let her do her thing and you do yours. Don’t put your life on hold. What’s stopping you from asking his family to help with your wedding? I ask my guys mum, sister and aunty questions, show them photos. They love it. Try involving them, you’ll be fine!

I kinda rambled, sorry!

Post # 6
Member
3640 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Personally I don’t see a problem, she’s not a nice person and has her wedding 2 months before yours. So what?

Take a step back from the situation and see how silly it is to stress over it. Plan your wedding and have your wedding. It doesn’t matter if her’s is close to yours. 🙂

 

Here’s some food for thought if you still can’t get over the close weddings: Let’s say you postpone to “take away her competition”. And then she postpones again! What are you going to do?

Are you really going to let her move your marriage further into the future? 

Stick with your guns, your wedding will be beautiful. 🙂

Post # 7
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

It’s possible that you and Brendan setting a date just reminded her to get her arse into gear and start planning. If she were really trying to be competitve, she would have set her date within weeks of yours! Of course, she may be a very competitive person (I’ve got friends like that and it’s frigging painful!!), so if she is trying to compete, just don’t give her the satisfaction. Keep your plans to yourself and, if she does give you details on what she’s doing, you try and do something different. If she’s going super-traditional, then you aim for a laidback, casual affair – the more different they are, the less grounds for comparison.

Of course, she may just be all pushy talking about her wedding because hers is sooner, so she thinks it’s more urgent, and the reality of wedding planning is finally hitting her after being engaged for a while and not doing anything. Also, you say you’ve got a pretty good idea of all your vendors, so perhaps she thinks you’ve got it all sorted, so you don’t need to talk about it. She could just be self-absorbed, but you never know….

It does suck, though, that you don’t have anyone close to you in the area that you can take out dress shopping with you, while she’s got all the family around – of course you’d be upset by that! But this might be a good chance for you to get out there and start making friends – especially if you and your partner plan on being in the area for any length of time. Try joining a hobby group, sports club, volunteer organisation, church group, or even just a short course at a TAFE/community college to help you meet some new people. If you’re going to live here for a few more years, you don’t want all your relationships to be just with the in-laws – it’ll drive you insane!

Post # 8
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Aww sorry I do think your feelings are normal and justified. It sounds like she wanted to get there first! I think it’s best to keep your ideas to yourself and maybe come at the planning as though your surprising everyone. That way it’s not shared and makes yours unique. Keep the wedding talk between you and your fi and mom. It sucks the wedding is close to yours but believe me when I say it won’t matter a lick unless you let it. My BIL and then fi chose the weekend before our wedding after everything was booked and refused to move it. Did it suck, yes but we let it go because this was our wedding and that was theirs. It just wasn’t important to our day. Our wedding were completely different and yes she was totally competing. I ignored it and did my own thing, Oh and they divorced a year later! This is her issue it doesn’t have to be yours!

Post # 9
Member
3302 posts
Sugar bee

Trust me, I know how you feel. This sort of things just happened with me and my future SIL. I am just so happy her wedding is over now. Keep planning your wedding and ignore her and her talking.

Post # 10
Member
1510 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

You get a day. Not a month or a year. Why do you even care if she gets married before you? Is it a race to the alter? She was engaged long before you too so I can’t even see a valid argument in that regard. If you want to talk more about your own wedding with her, why not just talk about it? 

 

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