Post # 1
Our wedding was two months ago and over the weekend we were united with a group of friends who had been there and a story came up that I don’t know how to deal with.
As everyone was leaving our wedding at the end of the night, my friends found a blackberry lying on their table. Assuming it belonged to someone they knew, they read one of the emails to see whose it was. It turns out it was the day of coordinator’s and she had been sending nasty emails about our wedding. She couldn’t believe our last song of the night, she was annoyed we wanted to stay till the end etc. Obviously I’m hurt by all of this and find it very unprofessional, especially since she was trashing our wedding during hours we were paying her to work, but I’m doing my best to look at it as we all hate working late and she did a good job of setting things up and helping things run smoothly. What really bothers me though is that my friends said she was super nasty to them about the whole thing.
The way I look at it, we had the wedding so we could celebrate with our friends so it really disturbs me to think that they left our wedding with such a bad taste in their mouths especially because of someone we paid to help us.
My question for all of you is what should I do about this? I’m pretty eager to leave it behind and move on but I’m also pretty upset, especially since she asked if she could use the thank you note I wrote her and a picture of us as testimonial on her website (from a month ago before I knew about any of this.) Should I email her about this situation? Should I email her only if I see she posts the testimonial? Should I post a review online even though her actual service was good?
Post # 3
Well, something to keep in mind is that service extends well beyond the job requirements of setting up, and physical requirements. Along with everything else, her customer service skills need to be top notch to actually create “good” service. I would call her/email her and explain what has occured and how unprofessional it was. And how hurt you’ve been as a customer. I don’t think you necessarily expect anything from her (other than a well deserved apology!!) I think it’s always best to confront. It may help this from happening to other brides.
I’m a little headstrong, so I would also post about this for her reviews online.
Post # 4
Someone left a Blackberry. And then someone read her emails. There are quite a few ways to determine who’s phone it is without actually going into the email account. I think she has every right to be pissy that this happened. All they had to do was take it to the DJ and ask for an announcement about it. No privacy violated.
While I think it’s deplorable that she would be trashing your wedding, you make the point that not everyone loves their job. I tend to agree with that statement. She is paid help, not your good friend. She owed you courtesy but she didn’t have to love your wedding, your taste in music, or your style. She also didn’t say any of those things TO YOU, she wrote them to someone else and assumed that was a private conversation.
If she was nasty to people in general, I’d contact her about it. If she was nasty to someone when she found out they read her email? I think she has the right.
Post # 5
Hm. I am confused so she privately e-mailed things to a friend? How did she treat your friends when she caught them with the blackberry. You say she was “super nasty” . . . how so?
From her point of view, as you said, we all hate working late. Did she let it show at all to the guests or to you and your husband?
I might be angry if I caught someone with my blackberry going through my e-mails – obviously your friends meant nothing by it, but did she just misread the situation?
Post # 6
Yikes that’s tough.
On one hand, I’m of the opinion that we all b*tch about work sometimes and say things to someone close to us that we would never say out loud. Her blackberry and its contents are personal and even though your friends were doing the right thing, she probably felt her privacy was invaded (and embarrassed because of what they read).
However, I would be annoyed that she was emailing during your event. I’m sure there were “down” points for her throughout but when you’re being paid to “man” an event, your focus should be 100% on the event.
The part that would push me to make a move on this would be how she treated your friends. If someone was just trying to return MY blackberry, I would be grateful, not nasty. She should have handled herself more professionally.
Since she did provide good service and until you heard this story, you were happy with her, I might lean towards keeping this in the past. However, if you write reviews online, I might mention that while you were happy with her services, you found her to be a bit unprofessional at times.
What does your husband think about it?
Post # 7
I agree with M.Ruder. Especially about the online review–others should be warned.
Post # 8
Oof. It is a shock to find out about something like that two months after you thought it all went smoothly! I’m so sorry. I think if I were in your situation, I would email her and ask her about what happened, just because you haven’t heard her side of the story. Along the lines of, “You know, I heard something a little bit upsetting involving my friends and your Blackberry the night of my wedding. I’m not really sure what to believe. Before you publish my card and picture as a testimonial, could you please let me know what happened?”
If she’s forthcoming and apologetic, I would say forgive, forget and move on. But it would bug me to think that my DOC would think it ok to be rude to my friends at my wedding, too. If she denies any knowledge of anything, I would withhold the testimonial. And if she were actually rude, I would publish a review discouraging others from hiring her.
Post # 9
For the record, I completely disagree with an online review about this. I think giving her a heads up privately is a better way to handle this. Simply tell her you knew about the emails and they were hurtful. People need to remember that she didn’t say this stuff to anyone at the wedding. She wrote them to someone from her personal phone.
The PP who made the comment about not being 100% about the work because she was emailing has a point – but then again, I also tend to think that if no one noticed her emailing like a madwoman during the event, she wasn’t being unprofessional.
I really think there needs to be separation from hurt feelings that were due to an invasion of privacy and an online review about how she actually handled and performed her job.
Post # 10
I actually wish that your friends hadn’t told you this! It’s not like she was making comments at your reception, she was sharing it privately with her friends. Not that it was right, but – if your friends hadn’t have told you, you would have been oblivious and wouldn’t be dealing with the frustration and hurt feelings. Sometimes I wish people would use more discretion and realize when it’s best to keep things to themselves. Best of luck in sorting this out!
Post # 11
Absolutely agree with PP that there needs to be a separation from hurt feelings and job performance.
She did her job, and as you say, did it well. The wedding went smoothly (other than this snafoo) and in the end, who cares if she digs your final song or not? I also agree with PP that reading someone’s emails on their blackberry is pushing the line–there ARE other ways to figure out who’s PDA belongs to whom–the “Contacts” page being one of them. Plus, you could have just collected the PDA and waited for its owner to call you or your families–that’s what I would have done had I lost my PDA at a wedding. I mean, honestly, if she wants to trash your wedding in private emails, well, then she can do that and it’s just unfortunate that you saw them.
I also think that a letter from you to her would be fine, but I wouldn’t go the online route.
Post # 12
She was extremely unprofessional. Yes, the friends looked at her email, thinking it was someone they knew. You leave your blackberry out and alone, who knows what happens to it. I think the deciding factor for me was her response to being found out. Obviously she knew she was caught and didn’t like it. She treated guests rudely, and one of her jobs was to make things run smoothly.
I would review her online and say that her work was satisfactory but her professionalism was lacking.
Post # 13
I would tell her what you know, tell her not to use your note/review, and tell her to grow up and learn to be more professional. Then leave it behind you. I don’t think you should let her color your view of things at your wedding…. but I also don’t think you should let her use you to increase her business.
Post # 14
I think this sounds like an unusual situation. It sounds highly unprofessional of a DOC to make negative comments to anyone about a client’s wedding. Most of the receptions that I go to… the bride and groom stay the entire time… after all it’s their party! But her comments were made to an unknown friend on a phone, which could have been her just being whiney. Your friends discover said phone and discover message…which could have just been the open page that they noticed… and realized that her notes were mean and they felt offensive. She discovers the friends on her phone and is irritated. I think that it’s fine to let her know that this has become an issue for you, but I think that a poor online review that reviews something that is not part of what she did for you… is not fair too… I think I’d just ask her not to use your name as a reference or review for other clients.
Post # 15
It was TOTALLY wrong and UNECESSARY to read the emails (there are other ways to find out whose phone it is).
I think you and your friends have just experienced payback for being nosey. If she did a good job, let it go. People in service industries crab about customers all the time, just like we all crab about our jobs.
Post # 16
- Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas
I definitely think it was unprofessional of her to be bashing your wedding to her friends, but at the same time, it’s a complete privacy violation to read her emails, and I don’t feel like you can fault her for anything said in there – it’s her personal email and no one else should be reading it.
You said she did a good job, so her emailing while she was on the job obviously did not affect her performance. If your friends hadn’t gone through her phone, you would never have known there was any problem at all. I say let it go and move on.