Post # 1
So this is slightly wedding related but also not…
FI bought a house and was having it renovated when he left to go on a military assignment for 4.5 months. The house was finished (mostly) a couple months after he left so I planned on moving in (neither of us lived there before) and he suggested I ask one of my friends to move in to stay in the house with me, rent-free, while he was away so that I wouldn’t be on my own. Sounded like a fun idea to me and one of my friends, who is also a BM, moved in and it’s been going really well. She’s using this opportunity to save money towards buying a house and we get along well – no problems or drama.
BUT, (you saw the ‘but’ coming, right?) FI is coming back in 5 weeks and I’m not sure how to talk to my friend about her plans. I said something a while back about how no one is going to kick her out (which is true) but the arrangement was supposed to be temporary while FI was away and now that he’s coming back soon-ish we’d like to be in the house together and it would be nice to be here just the two of us.
I don’t want to compromise a very important friendship but I also would love if she takes the initiative to make arrangements to live somewhere else in time for FI’s return in February so that he and I can settle in together to our new home and get ready for our wedding in April.
Do any of you have any words of wisdom or advice?
I keep trying to think of what I would tell a friend but I’m just not sure what to say!
Thanks for any help you can offer!
Post # 3
Maybe a nonconfrontational discussion over dinner or coffee? It may be that she’s not entirely clear on when your FI is coming home, or is a bit wrapped up in her own stuff and isn’t really aware of your expectations.
The sooner you have this conversation the better, I think, as February is coming up fast and it’s only fair to give her as much lead time as possible to arrange for a lease, storage, movers, etc.
Post # 4
I think sitting her down and telling her exactly what you told us is perfect. You put it really well, and everything that you said is really caring. You can let her know that you loved her being there, and that she’s a wonderful friend, but FI is coming back in a few months. Ask if she needs any help finding another place to live or better yet, finding a house! Just let her know gently, and as a friend, I think she will understand!
Post # 5
from what you wrote, i can’t imagine being upset if i were your friend! it sounds like it was always considered a temporary living arrangement for her until your fiance came home, and now he’s coming home. plus, it’s been rent-free for her. it would be a different story if you and she had been roomates for a long time, before your fi. as long as it’s been clear from the start that this is temporary, and the relationship has been drama-free so far, i would think it would be fine. if i were you, i’d casually mention that you’re happy to help her look for a place when she’s ready, and just stress how important her friendship is to you and how great living together has been.
Post # 6
Thanks ladies…just have to figure out the right time… I really hope she doesn’t get upset… I just can’t wait for FI to come home and to settle in together for the first time ever (we’ve never lived together…I cannot wait for him to come back!!!)
Post # 7
She won’t be upset. She will be grateful that you let her live there rent free for so long. I bet if you just explain the whole situation to her, she will gracefully thank you and work on finding new living arrangements. You sound very sweet, I hope everything works out well for you.
Post # 8
So my friend mentioned to me today after work that her friend at work is looking for a housemate so she’s going to find out from her when the room will be available.
I was worried for nothing – she seems to be planning ahead! Yay :0)
Post # 9
Good! I was also going to say tell her that you want to throw her a ‘going away’ party or make her a nice dinner to thank her for keeping you company while FI was away. That way, she’ll probably get it and it won’t be awkward.