Post # 1
Hi bees! I’ve been a lurker for quite a while, but something’s been bothering me enough to finally post something. I’m not engaged yet, but I know it’s coming soon! Well, anyway, this post is about my boyfriend’s brother’s wedding that’s coming up soon.
I met the bride last year for the first time when she was still dating my boyfriend’s brother. We live out-of-state. She said to me (at this first and only meeting) that she told her boyfriend (my bf’s brother) that they better get engaged before we did or she’d be so mad. I was like, seriously?! Why are you telling me this? I don’t even know you! I asked her why since she was just barely 21 and she said because her boyfriend is the oldest in the family and mine is the youngest, so they need to get married first. She’s 4 years younger than me and my boyfriend, so I thought that was a little uncalled for. I didn’t really know what to say except, “I guess we’ll see what happens”… They’ve been together literally one week longer than we have, so dating time isn’t even an issue.
Well they got engaged about a year ago and their wedding is next month. My boyfriend is the best man. I am so not looking forward to going. I was really looking forward to someday having a sister-in-law since I only have brothers and my boyfriend doesn’t have any sisters either. The relationship that we have has gotten off on the wrong foot and I’m really worried that I’m going to be snarky or withdrawn at the wedding, especially since I want my ring SO BADLY. I tried to get out of going, especially since I’d have to take off work and fly there, but I could tell that even by mentioning not going I was hurting my bf’s feelings so I dropped it. I’ve brought it up to my boyfriend and he doesn’t think it’s a huge issue. He’s not a super fan of his future sister-in-law anyway since he thinks she’s incredibly immature.
Am I weird to be so anxious about going? Any tips to cheer myself up about it? Especially since I’m still only the girlfriend?
Post # 3
You’ll get to meet more people, and get to know your BF’s family more, and they will get a chance to know you!
Post # 4
@kouklina: I’m a 21yr old wife, & although I think her behavior was immature, I honestly think she just wanted to be the first in the family to be married. I don’t think it was anything against you or your future FI.
I don’t completely understand her rationale, as my then-FI’s older brother was married before us (while we were engaged) & I could have cared less, but I guess my only point is that I don’t think she meant it in a rude way toward you & your your future FI, even though it might felt like it for you.
I bet she doesn’t even know you feel odd about the situation. I would just forget the whole thing & move on.
I can’t wait to see your ring & hear about your proposal story! 🙂
Post # 5
Your not going for her. I know its hard when someone whose marrying into the fam before you ( sorry 🙁 ) is also a bitc* to top it all off.
but your going for your boyfriend and his family! She’ll get too much of a kick out of things if you dont go. it will look like you cant handle the wedding happening before yours…
and who knows having your boyfriend in the wedding party might spurr on his wedding thoughts and youll have that ring on sooner than you thought so! 🙂
Good luck, and TRY be happy for the bride.. She might be a bit snarky, but theres got to be something good about her to be marrying your boyfriends brother and its her day too, so just try and share the joy 🙂
Post # 6
I think you need to pull your big girl panties on and stop being immature. You call the bride immature for one comment made a long time ago but you are still holding some imaginary grudge and not wanting to go to their wedding because you are jealous that she has gotten a ring before you? Personally I think you are being immature and need to be happy for this girl and your FBIL.
Post # 7
I feel a little better already! I knew you guys would be able to cheer me up! I can’t wait to get engaged and share with you all 🙂
Post # 8
@kouklina: Why do you want to avoid going to the wedding just over that? And you and your bf had better get used to her because (all going well) she’ll be your relative for life.
Also, I’m guessing that what she said was joking. or at worst only half-serious.
Post # 9
Hi @kouklina: first & foremost I see this is your DEBUT post on WBee… so a BIG Welcome to “the Hive”
Ok for the record (as I am an Etiquette Snob.. lol)
Once upon a time the concept that your FSIL presented to you was the norm… older siblings married first, and younger siblings were asked (ordered) to wait their turn.
So her saying what she did may have come out of that concept of “Traditional Etiquette”
Lol, or else she is a romanticized fan of Jane Austen where such “traditions / customs” are seen so clearly
OR she might be from another culture… where these sorts of things still hold true
— — —
At any rate, I truly don’t get WHY you’ve let this whole thing upset you so much.
(Good gosh it happened over a year ago)
You need to get over it.
The comments are about her being young are sort of silly… when you are the one acting the way you are (trying to get out of going to a family Wedding)
So what… she’s getting married first … big deal. Be happy for her, her dream came true. And she’s marrying YOUR FBIL. So now you’ll all be family.
Honestly you need to go to this Wedding and put on a BIG smile… as you are the Bride in Waiting… people will want to see you two also
Show them what a FABULOUS addition YOU will be to this family one day.
It is your chance to shine in your own little way as well
(Lol, just don’t shine so brightly as to steal any of the spotlight from the Bride… as that wouldn’t be a good thing)
Hope this helps,
Post # 10
@This Time Round: I agree, so what she is so young? OP, you will find A LOT of young brides on this site, and you will find that age is usually completely irrelevant!
Post # 13
To @Jacqui90: I agree…
OP, as you’ll discover the more time you spend on WBee, that there is no one definition of “today’s Bride”… there are incredible women on this Website who range in age from their late teens all the way to who knows where (I am one of the oldest currently, but there have been women in their 60s & beyond)
Being in Love, and wanting to get married, is something that can happen at any point in one’s lifetime.
You never know when LOVE will come a-calling.
And as an Encore Bride, I have to say that that is a good thing. AMEN