Awkward situation. What would you do?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
5208 posts
Bee Keeper

@EffieTrinket:  Just be up front about it. Tell her the truth, you are already over capacity and you don’t have room. Tell her you appreciate the thought, but you don’t need a gift either.

Just curious, but how did she contact you since it sounds like you aren’t close?

Post # 4
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Our Backyard/Steakhouse

be honest, you have already established your guest list and unfortnately weren’t able to invite everyone.

If you’re not friends, then I don’t know why you would feel guilty about not inviting her?  If she does indeed buy a gift, simply send her a thank you like you would anyone else.

Post # 6
1258 posts
Bumble bee

Wow, just wow. She gave you her address right away too?

Hmmm…it’s Feb 1st and if your date is correct, you are getting married in a month and a half. If I hadn’t yet received an invite, I would automatically assume I was not invited. 

Is this from a chat thread? Did she start speaking to you first or you to her? Not that it matters, because that is beyond ballsy on her part. I would just let her know that you are so sorry but you are already over capacity for your guest list/venue and you and your fiance had to make some hard decisions on keeping it small as you  both have large families or something. Leave it at that. I wouldn’t even touch the registry question I don’t think. In this day and age, you can google your full name and find your registries at the big department stores. If she ends up sending you a gift anyway, graciously send her a thank you card but leave it at that. 

Post # 7
7025 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@LDay1983:  “be honest, you have already established your guest list and unfortnately weren’t able to invite everyone.” – I totally agree.

OP, it sounds like you’re afraid to be blunt. Well she’s been rude asking for an invite, and sometimes rudeness requires bluntness in return.

Post # 8
5208 posts
Bee Keeper

@EffieTrinket:  I hate when people decide to be arm chair politicians/activists on the internet! If you know better than to be obnoxious about it in real life, then don’t do it on the internet either! Has posting a meme on facebook ever made anyone vote differently or change their convictions? YES-said no one EVER!

My husband has over 800 facebook friends. There are about 8 people he can actually stand to be in the same room with IRL.

Post # 9
18 posts
  • Wedding: June 2014

Wow. Seriously??If she is such a conservative, she should know that what she’s doing is plain RUDE…..

I’m sorry you are going through this.  If I was you I would politely text her back to tell her that you feel really sorry  but that you can’t invite her because you have a limited amount of guests and it will be mostly family and very  close friends who will be attending your wedding.

I know you don’t want to hurt her feelings but she needs a reality check.  Maybe after this she’ll stop trying to be “friends” with you.  

Part of me wishes you would tell her why you don’t want to be friends with her. Sometimes people wonder why they cant’ seem to develp friendships.  The thing is, nobody dares/wants to tell them what the heck is wrong with them.  It’s hard to be brutally honest since we don’t want to hurt their feelings.

She should know that it doesn’t matter whether one is a conservative or liberal, one should never insult others.  We should all be respectful of what we believe….

Good luck with this lady and congratulations on your wedding!!

Just my two cents…


Post # 10
6674 posts
Bee Keeper

If you  posted about  your  plans on FB, it can open the door to people thinking that you are the rude one for talking about a party in front of people who are not invited. So if that is the case , I’d apologize to this woman and then stop posting anything about wedding details. 

If she heard about your wedding through the grapevine, I would just tell her that your wedding is going to be limited in size, which is always true.  I doubt that she will persist in asking you where you are registered after that, but if she does, I’d just say a gift is  not necessary and  that her warm wishes are more than enough. 

Post # 11
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I’d stretch the truth a little to spare her feelings – you’re having a smallish wedding, it’s mostly family, you’re on a tight budget, you’ve had to leave out so many people you wished could be there, your venue has a small capacity.  It’s better than the truth- you’re just not that in to her!

Post # 12
4072 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

You could certainly lie and say you wish you had her address sooner, but you’re already over numbers. Smaller wedding, mostly family. So sorry, yadda yadda. Or just be up front.

You haven’t seen her in person in years, and you don’t interact on the regular, so it’s not a big deal if she’s a little hurt.

Post # 15
2395 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Personally, I’d ignore it.  She should get the hint LOL.  Who does that????

Post # 16
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@oneofthesethings:  +1


Ignore her.  If she actually had the values that she claims to have she would know that the text was rude as hell.  You don’t owe her any explanation.  If she presses, then tell her the truth about guest list; although, it’s none of her business. 

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