Post # 1
I dated an Ex for 2.5 years. Ex and I did break up about 30 months ago, so around 2.5 years. Since then, I’ve met FI and become engaged, etc.
Ex and I are still really close. FI knows this and supports it completely. FI and ex get along incredibly well, joke together, etc. Ex and I communicate regularly through text, Facebook, and whatever other means. Our relationship is completely platonic though, and no romantic feelings exist between us.
I would love to have Ex at my wedding. I sincerely do consider him one of my best friends. FI is completely fine with it, but posed the question of:
“Do you think it will upset him?”
And I really don’t know if it will. I have no issues asking Ex this, and intend to- the issue is that he’s such a kind man, that I can’t see him saying anything if it did upset him. I think he would just internalize it.
I just feel stuck. I really do want him to be there. But I also don’t want to hurt him. Maybe I’m being completely ridiculous and self obsessed by assuming that it would hurt him. I’m not trying to assume that he still has feelings for me. And if he did, he has and would never act on them. Again (to clarify to readers, not to reassure myself), I have no romantic feelings for him.
I just don’t want to jeapordize our friendship, or lose it because of hurt feelings.
I guess what I’m torn on is whether or not to invite him at all. My “gut feeling” wants me to, but I don’t want to make him sad.
Would it hurt more to not invite him, or to have him there and potentially be hurt?
Post # 3
I think you should invite him and let him choose whether he’s comfortable attending. You’ll have done “right” by him by inviting him (because he’s a close friend), and it will be up to him to decide what’s best for him.
Post # 4
I’d invite him and if he doesn’t want to come, then he can decline the invitation. If he hasn’t expressed an jealousy at all so far, I doubt he’d be super upset about the wedding.
Post # 5
Why don’t you invite him and then the ball is in his court? He can come up with a reason not to come if it will make him that uncomfortable. Just be understanding. Something like, “I would love to have you there but I understand if you can’t make it.” Be gracious, but also don’t assume that he is in a place emotionally where seeing you happy with someone else is going to upset him.
Edit: I also would not ask him if it will upset him. That might make it sound like you think he’s not over you, which could be weird.
Post # 6
Leave it up to him. Chances are if he’s coll being your friend like you so claim, he won’t bat an eye- it’s not like he doesn’t know there’s a wedding coming up.
Post # 7
Just invite him and leave it at that, I dont think you have to ask him if he will be hurt by it, I think that will just make everything awkward.
Post # 8
I don’t think you should ask him if he wants to come but rather just invite him and leave it up to him. You say there are no romantic feelings, so it shouldn’t be an issue. Like a pp said, he obviously knows a wedding is coming so it’s not a surprise.
Post # 9
I agree with PP’s, if you want him there on your big day, send him an invitation and let him decide after that if he wants to attend. If things are completely platonic between the two of you, it shouldn’t “upset him”.
We invited two of my ex’s and one of DH’s to our wedding, and no awkwardness or bad feelings anywhere. Just old friends having a good time.
Post # 11
I feel a lot better about this already!
Post # 12
Invite him and let him decide.
Post # 13
If everything in platonic, and there are no romantic feelings left between you, then I don’t see why this would even be an issue. It’s just like asking another friend to come. Like everyone else said, I say invite him, and let him decide if he wants to come or not.
Post # 14
I agree with everyone else, invite him but DON’T ask him if it will upset him… that is just weird/uncomfortable.
Post # 15
Don’t ask if it will upset him, that just comes off as incredibly self-centered. Invite him.
Post # 16
Just invite him (don’t talk to him about your concerns). If he isn’t comfortable attending, he’ll decline.