- 3 years ago
This is supposed to be over and done long ago, but I just can’t stop obsessing/worrying over it.
A NOT-so-close friend asked me to be her BM 2 yrs ago.
We’re both European by origin, but she knew about the BM expenses and I didn’t. It was a great surprise and honour to be invited as a BM.
She invited her BMs (only 3 of us showed up) to a tea at her house, where she said “I want the dress in so-and-so colour, about below the knee”. Nothing was said about obligation to buy from a specific location, and I assumed I could buy whatever I wanted at a department store for $25.
She texted all her 6 BMs saying “we’ll go check out dresses at a store”. She assumed everyone know that we HAVE to buy dresses from the bridal boutique that she chooses at the day she chooses.
We came to the store; her mother and future mother-in-law were there. When I saw the cost of the dresses ($150 and up), I thought it was ridiculous (again, without knowing anything about the bridal etiquette). I wanted to think about it, consult other places, shop around, but the owner of the store said “no, it has to be ordered right here and right now if you want the group rate”.
The bride’s mother said she’ll help with the cost of the dress. I agreed to that.
The total dress cost came to $200. I paid the deposit, which was half ($100), they said it was non-refundable.
I came home, researched the issue, and thought it’s not right to have the bride pay half, especially that I’m working full-time. A co-worker scalded me for wanting the bride to contribute, saying “it’s not like you don’t make anything”.
Then I did something stupid and texted the bride asking if she can pay for the dress entirely and keep it to herself, sort of me renting it.
She replied furiously “NO!!! I’M NOT PAYING FOR YOUR DRESS, NO MATTER WHAT!! STOP TEXTING ME, I’M VERY STRESSED!”
I said “relax, I’m going to pay for the entire dress, you won’t have to pay half” – she says “good, can we leave it at that, and please stop texting me!”
The next day she called and politely asked me to step down as a BM and just come as a guest.
I got my deposit refund from the store, even though they said it’s non-refundable. I verified with the bride twice afterwards how come they could return my $$ when they said it was non-refundable – she said they hadn’t placed the order yet (2 wks after our visit) and so they could return my money. She said she was not charged and did not lose anyting. I asked the store if they charged the bride anything, and they said no, they just refunded me the money I paid.
The wedding passed long ago, but I still feel awkward.
Do you think I acted bad and it was all my fault?
Do you think it’s possible that the store charged the bride a fine, even though they refunded my deposit?
Thanks so much for reading my rambling 🙂