Awkward story

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
1190 posts
Bumble bee

@newbiee:  Well, I’ll admit, you made an oops by asking the bride to pay for your dress. But, I’m not sure of your culture’s traditions, as that is the norm in some cultures for the bride to pay for the bridesmaids’ dresses.

Your bride friend had a bridezilla moment, and what she did wasn’t exactly politically correct, or very nice either.

Two wrongs don’t make a right, but this is a few years old and I’d just leave it in the past without saying anything.

Have you hung out with this friend since then?

Post # 4
294 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

She sounds like a c*** and you did nothing wrong. You probably dodged a bullet by not being part of her wedding.

Post # 5
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Wait, so you asked her to pay for the whole thing and then took it back five minutes later to tell her you’d pay for it all? I think I got that right….

But if you got your money back, why are you worried about the cost to the bride?

If anything, she had to pay a small fee to get your out of her wedding when she was being a total boar though texts. Jeez, how much effort does it take to write a polite message to someone who’s supposed to be a friend??

Just sell the dress and get it out of your closet and your life.

And don’t get hung up on these things… it’s a freaking DRESS. 
Not worth feeling regret over.
The only thing you can do is keep moving forward.

Post # 6
1302 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I guess to begin, the bride could have been more clear about going to pick our dresses together, but honestly, I would have said the same thing she did and assumed all my bridesmaids knew that they had to wear the same dress, from the same store, etc.

You made a huge mistake by asking the bride to pay for your dress. But she could have been nicer about the whole thing instead of telling you she wsa too stressed to text you right now.

It was probably for the best that she asked you to step down from the wedding. There were probably several other costs for the BM and if you couldn’t afford the dress, then you shouldn’t have agreed to be in the bridal party.

That said, I would leave it in the past. Yes, it was awkward but learn from it and move on.

Post # 7
6048 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Maybe it could have been handled differently but until I joined this site I had no idea in EU the bride paid for the dresses of the BMs (eventhough several of my friends have been BM’s in weddings in England and paid for their dresses and airfair).  Has your relationship with this woman changed?  If not then keep going, if it has, maybe a lunch or something to talk about it. 

Dont be so hard on yourself, it would be one thing if you knew before hand, but you didn’t. 

Post # 8
1491 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

If it’s long ago and you’re not in touch with the bride, let bygones be bygones. Unless you feel like she’s holding a grudge on you, both of you should be mature enough to move past a little misunderstanding and be on good terms with each other

Post # 9
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Well customs do vary from country to country. Here in the UK it is quite usual for the bride and groom to pay for the bridesmaids’ dresses especially if the bride has very specific requirements as to style, colour and designer. 

However, this is not what happens in the US and I guess it might have helped if you’d discovered, upfront, what being a bridesmaid entailed since I guess the bride assumed you’d know the score.

She was certainly rude but I am equally baffled as to why you’d ask the bride if she’d pay for the dress, rent it out to you and keep it. What possible use could she have for a bridesmaid’s dress bought to fit you? Or even for a bridesmaid’s dress at all? Given the to-ing and fro-ing about whether you’d pay some, all or nothing towards the dress I guess she lost patience.


But whatever triggered off her response, two years down the line there’s nothing you can do to turn back time. I’d just put this unhappy incident in the past if I were you.


Post # 14
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@newbiee:  Think of it as a business transaction – you didn’t buy the dress, so the store couldn’t legally keep your money.

From the sounds of it, this bride would have let you know if she had to pay a fee to cancel your order – probably in the rudest way possible, and forced you to pay for it. Since she didn’t do that, we can pretty safely assume she didn’t need to pay a dime.

In my book, you are in the clear with this situation – you owe nothing to anyone.

If your friendship suffered over this situation, then giving her $100 (that is rightfully yours, btw) isn’t going to fix anything about it.

Post # 15
534 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

You don’t owe her anything.  The store didn’t charge her for the dress because the dress was never ordered.  

If you feel guilty about how things worked out, why not call her or send an email apologizing and saying you feel sorry about how your friendship has deteriorated?

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