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Why do you think she doesn't mean it when she says it? I think you have to take her words for what they are. But, that also means you shouldn't feel obligated to use those words back to her - especially if you don't mean it. Just end the conversation politely/nicely: "thank you, talk to you later!" - or, your "ok, bye!" is TOTALLY fine!
I completely agree with you that love is a big word and should only be said when meant. I think over time you will be comfortable saying it - but there is no reason you should be forced to do so!
Yeah. that is weird. I sign my emails to FMIL "Love, Mrs. Louboutin," but I couldn't picture telling her I love her. I don't think you need to say it if you don't feel it. It is a nice gesture on her part, but I doubt she will take offense when you don't say it - just remember, there was a time when she was the new young wife too. I'm sure she will understand.
Oracle: honestly, maybe she does mean it. But I don't even get the feeling like she likes me that much, let alone tell me she 'loves' me. I think it's just a habit of hers that she says it when she gets off the phone.
I'm relieved that you guys don't think it's so bad if I don't say it back....I just can't do it 
I think it will be hard when I get to that stage with my ILs...so I don't have much advice for you, but maybe it's a way she is trying to "mark" you as one of her family now? Maybe it's how she treats all of her family members, telling them she loves them? Just a thought, since I obviously don't know your MIL :)
Ugh. I hate when people say "love you!" or "love ya!" or "I love him to death." Those phrases are such cop outs. It's easy to say those things! Saying the three words "I love you" is so much harder and so much more meaningful. If someone just says "love you" but never says "I love you" I don't read to much into it. To me it is practically meaningless, like saying "'sup?" as a greeting or "gahbleshoo" when someone sneezes.
I wouldn't think too much about it. A casual "love you" really doesn't require a response. But you could just as easily respond with a "you too!" without it actually meaning too much. For the sake of not feeling silly on the phone when she says it. Definitely shouldn't feel like you have to, though.
If one day she pulls you aside and tells you she loves you, then it might be awkward if you just stare blankly back into her face.
Maybe she does mean it! It could be a habit or just a thing to say, but be careful about saying she doesn't mean it if she might!
I could see how it would be awkward for you though. I would just say "goodbye" with out a "you too" response until or unless you ever feel comfortable with it. Don't feel too bad....but also don't plan on never meaning it! I'm sure a love will develop--she's family after all (but it does take plenty of time!)
wether she means it or not you saying anything related to i love you in responce to it is only giving the chance for being misleading an then you become the bad guy. I would sit down with her talk with her about it. see how she really does feel. if she does really love you and you don't see that being where u r or r going then she needs to know that now before she falls even deeper. and if she doesn't then you can relax about it.
personally if you have to even wonder if you should be saying it back then that really says you shouldn't. if you should then you would know it without question.
sorry for the awkward spot she has put you in. but it is in both of yours best interest to not put something out there that is insincere or misleading.
I'm with Lattelove, I think she means it, too. Maybe she is reaching out to you, trying to strengthen your relationship?
Gauvinsgirl: I think you might be confused.....this is regarding my mother in law! I don't think I need to be deeply concerned about her 'falling deeply' into love with me.
Noelle-a-Belle, my, this is a problem I'll *never* have to deal with considering the way my MIL feels about me!!
My MIL-to-be actually said those three words for the first time on the phone yesterday. And ya know what, I said it back and actually meant it. I have been with my fiance for 5 years and thus with his family for 5 years and I do actually feel like part of their family. It's quite nice.
Lattelove & MissSnappyTurtle: it could very well be that she is trying to make me feel 'a part of the family' or build a relationship....especially since she had her daughters have done a LOT to alienate me from them over the past 9 years, so maybe she is trying to make up for it. But it's not really helping me feel closer to her when I feel like it is so insincere.
I guess I will just take it face value and assume she means it, and then when I feel the same I can respond in kind.
Starcharades: that is wonderful that you have such a good relationship with your new family!
My FMIL and FFIL say it took, and I don't say it back hah- I don't really think anything of it though, don't know if they do. I only say it regularly to my FI, my Dad, my sister, and infrequently, my Mom, and that's it, period, hah. It's kinda weird to me, since I'm while I'm close to them, I don't feel *that* close to them.
I don't think I'll ever say it to either of my in-laws, unless they're on their deathbed or something.
That's just not how I roll.
I do actually love both of them because they are such a huge part of my FI's life & I know they're going to be a huge part of our married life. They are generous, loving people. However, I don't throw "i love you" around a lot besides at my FI.
That would be weird for me too. I can probably sign a card to them, Love,me but I wouldn't say it on the phone. My family is very loving and I say love you to my parents and grandparents when I speak to them.
I'll agree that maybe she means it. That's awesome! Even if she's still getting to know you, she loves you because her son loves you. I think "nice talking to you" or "you too" is a sufficient response.
This was in Dear Abby on Sunday but I can't remember what suggestion she gave :(
But I think she said that if you don't mean it, don't do it...this isn't the time to fake it 'til you make it, LOL.
My FMIL seems to play games with it; if you're doing what she wants well then she loves you but if you aren't she doesn't say it to you. I've said it in the past but just 'cause but I don't anymore.
It's so funny, my FMIL signs my b'day cards from Mum & Dad but has never told me she loves me. I'm glad of that fact because, no offense, I'd don't love her, I actually have little to nothing in common with her. My FIs sister however is a different matter, I would say I actualy do love her, she's a good friend to me.
Both my MIL and FIL say I Love You, and at first I didn't say anything, because growing up in my family, we just never said the words, but always knew it. When I met my husband I thought it would be hard to say those words because I never had said them much in the past, but now I say it very regularly and I don't feel awkard anymore and I say I Love You back to both of my IL's. I do truly love my MIL and FIL so it just seems normal now!!
My FMIL says it to me sometimes but I never say it back to her. It's not that I don't care a lot about her and like her but I just don't love her yet, so I don't feel comfortable saying it to her. I totally agree that you should not say it unless you really mean it and there is no reason that you should feel bad for not saying it back to your MIL.
My FFIL and FMIL say it (although it's usually "love you!") but I don't think it's weird at this stage, because we have a really close relationship. FBIL's mom said it FSIL right away, before they even knew each other, and that was just creepy. Like if she said it enough it would make it true....?
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MIL always tells me 'love you' when she gets done talking to me on the phone. this puts me in an awkward spot for two reasons; One, I know she doesn't mean it, it's just a word she is throwing at me out of habit. and Two, I don't love her. Ack. Sounds b*tchy right? I really like her and care about her a lot, but I would never say that I love her. So when she says that to me, I don't know how to react. I don't want to say it back, like, 'love you too' because, well, I don't....but I feel like I sound stupid when I respond with 'OK, bye!'.
Am I being riduculous and just condition myself to say it back? I mean, I am sure that someday maybe I will grow to love my inlaws, but I hardly see them and while I do like them, love is a big word for me.....Any advice on how to handle this?