Post # 1
Long story short, my boss and I have a great working relationship. I have worked with her for over a year and a half and she has been at the same company for over ten years. However, on Friday, I got a call from a company that said that she applied for a position with them and listed me as a reference.
This came completely out of the blue and I gave her a wonderful recommendation (though I would be lying if I said I wasn’t shocked the whole time!). I am happy and excited for her, but if she left, she would be leaving a LOT of people high and dry (including me). The new job is in a completey different state and would be a great position for her. However, there is some stuff going on at our company (our CEO is sick, relying on her alot, which makes her rely on me) that would make work even more difficult for us all to fill in for her. I’m sure that’s why she didn’t say anything, but a little warning would be nice.. especially since it means my job will be really affected!
So, tomorrow, when I see her again- do I bring it up? If so, how?!
Post # 2
I would speak to her and let her know you got the phone call out of courtesy so that she knows where they are in the recruitment process. But she really doesn’t owe you or the company anything, I don’t think you can be upset if she is thinking about leaving. It sounds like the company is in a rough patch at the moment and she is probably overworked. It’s her choice and maybe there is something going on in her personal life that means she needs/wants to move out of state.
Although I do think its awkward that she used you as a reference without asking you!
Post # 3
First, it was generous of you to have given her a glowing review, as it is extraordinarily unprofessional to list someone as a reference without asking them first. But this obviously needs addressing pronto, and SHE is the one who should feel awkward and not you. So, YES< talk to her about it. The only thing you can do from there is move forward, good news or bad. At least you might have a tiny bit of notice now…
Post # 4
I would touch base with her in the morning, if only to ask her to please let me know in the future if she wants to use me as a reference.
Post # 5
sapphire27: Thanks! I agree, I was thinking about just sitting her down and letting her know they called and that I was excited for her.
It was super weird to get a random call for it and just shocked me- at my WORK number no less.
I know she doesn’t owe me anything, I think all these scenarios just really contributed to shocking me. We are both definitely over-worked and I have been taking on most of her responsibilties as she takes on others. So, in my mind, I think I just thought a little warning would be nice.
Post # 6
Okay maybe I can provide her perspective, because I am in her position currently.
I am deeply depended on by my supervisor and my staff and am the only one who is trained in a wide variety of tasts at work. I have been in my current job for 7 years, and resigned on Friday. If she is ready to move on (fair, she’s been there 10 year), overworked (fair, based on the circumstances of your ceo), or just wanting a new challenge, she really doesn’t owe the company anything. It is common curtesy for her to inform her references that she listed them, and it sucks that you were taken off guard by that. But it seems like you are more upset that she is leaving you “high and dry”. But the truth is, she has every right to leave and I would in her position. I agonized for months about leaving my current job but I just couldn’t do it anymore.
Take heart that it it was probably a hard decision for her, but you shouldn’t confront her about anything. She has done nothing wrong.
Post # 7
insignia : I totally get her reasoning and am actually very excited for her. I guess I just felt like it affects me directly because 1) I was her reference and 2) my job changes so dramatically with her leaving, that I felt she would give me *some* warning. But I get it.
I am guessing that she felt the weight of leaving (like you did) and didn’t want to raise a false alarm if she didn’t get another job.
Post # 8
Also, the more I think about it, the more she has been training me and a few others to take her place. I just wish she would have let me know her intentions so I can mentally prepare myself!!
Post # 9
I would let her know they called you, trying to cover it up sounds even more awkward! Let her know you’re happy for her but that it would have been better to ask you before putting you down as a reference.
Post # 10
I definitely will tell her and try to ask for a clear explanation since its out of the sudden! And tell her that in the future to give you a heads up.
Post # 11
rude that she didn’t ask first if you wouldn’t mind being a reference.
but i don’t understand how her leaving leaves you high and dry. people change jobs all the time.
Post # 12
newlybeebride : If I was a boss, I would not give my subordinates warning that I was looking for a new job, so I think your expectations are a bit unrealistic in that point. I obviously would ask people if I could use them for references, so on that part she dropped the ball. My guess is she may have applied for this a while ago and the company is now just checking references, but again, she only has the obligation to ask to use you as a reference. Usually companies contact the applicant before their references – at least that’s been my experience.
I would mention it to her, not “sit her down” to talk to her. Your post comes across as pretty bitter. You keep saying you understand she doesn’t owe the company (or you) anything but that’s not the tone I’m getting.
If she leaves it is up to her supervisors to figure it out. It they don’t, then I’d be looking for a new job myself. Everyone is overworked these days and companies need to do more with less. I live in an employment at will state so I’m sure my views are a bit biased.
Post # 13
That’s incredibly inappropriate of her to list you as a reference and not tell you. I honestly wouldn’t have said anything, that was very nice of you to give her a glowing reference. I wouldn’t have done the same personally.
Post # 14
It’s a little strange that she did not mention to you that she would be listing you as a reference. Would her leaving allow you to advance or maybe take over her position? Maybe she could recommend you take on some of her responsibilities if she leaves? That could put you in a better position rather than her leaving you high and dry as you put it.
Post # 15
To speak to the reference thing, I have applied for jobs that required I list references when applying (obviously not a point at which I’d be telling anyone), and call them without warning me. It’s possible she doesn’t even know….