9.18.10 Teaser Pic
more by tweds
Anyone have a recommendation for awesome MID-HEIGHT heels for MOH?
Addressing Save the Dates to Best Man in Rocky Relationship
more in Etiquette
Mini-emergency! Please help!!!
Florist Mock-ups/Samples
more in Boards
maggie sotero

Awkwardddddd Etiquette Question

posted 1 year ago in Etiquette
  •  
    1.
    Member Icon
    Member
    448 posts
    Helper bee
    tweds    September 18, 2010  

    Bees,

    I just joined at a new job 2 months ago and everyone there now knows my wedding in less than two weeks - eek! Today was my last day in for various reason before th wedding, and they not only threw me a little party but a few senior people actually Googled my registry online and bought me gifts! Awesome and sweet, but also kind awkward since no-one is invited (didn't know any of these peple pre-July and been wedding planning since early '09). Not only is it out of state (several over) but caterer counts are in, so inviting anyone else would be out of the question....yet somehow my Thank You card for someone who bought me a $300 (!!!!) gift seems a little...lame. Any suggestions?

     
    2.
    Member
    2,971 posts
    Sugar bee
    stephanie63087    May 14, 2011   Fort Wayne, Indiana

    well these people knew they werent invited, they just wanted to give you a nice gift, i think a thank you card and a verbal thank you is great! dont worry!

     
    3.
    Member Icon
    Member
    42 posts
    Newbee
    Ballerina Bride    November 20, 2010  

    I hate being one of the first to respond to something like this, but I'm going to give you my two cents:

    You are under no obligation to invite them. It's incredibly generous of them to shower you with goodies and attention, and hopefully their motives are good and they aren't just trying to butter you up for a seat at the wedding. If so, they aren't people whose opinion you need to worry about anyway. It is very inappropriate to give someone a gift and expect something in return. Hopefully they understand this and don't expect you to throw your whole plan out of whack to accomodate them. If somebody wants to talk, let them talk. It happens at almost every wedding anyway, and you just have to learn how to let it roll of your shoulder. Nice gifts warrant nice thank you notes, more than just "Thanks for the gift. We appreciate it." Tell them how much you appreciate the support, what you use the gift for or how much you use it and that you enjoy working with them and having them as friends. I wouldn't even bring up the fact that you were sorry you couldn't have them there. Don't make it a deal, and it probably won't become a deal.

    Hope this helps!

     
    4.
    Member
    105 posts
    Blushing bee
    cliffette    November 10, 2010  

    Wow, I want to work where you work! The people sound lovely. I think a sincere thank you message would be fine--as stephanie said, they did this on their own, so they must have really wanted to. :)

     
    5.
    Member Icon
    Member
    874 posts
    Busy bee
    MrsJKH2be    October 2010  

    Why don't you write a thoughtful thank you card and bake up (or buy!) a couple batches of goodies to bring in w/ the thank you card?  They obviously know they aren't invited to the wedding and sometimes people just want to do something good for others - honestly!!

     
    6.
    Member
    818 posts
    Busy bee
    Miss Sparklespaniel    November 13, 2010   VIC, Australia

    OOh I feel your pain on this! I started my job in January and am now quite friendly with several people from work. Part of me feels like I should invite them, but if I invite one I'd have to invite another 10-20 people which when your total guestlist is around 80 adds a LOT of people!

    My compromise is that our venue is actually an open garden and technically will be open to any member of the public that wishes to pay their 5 bucks to get in. I'm going to tell my co-workers that they're more than welcome to come and see the ceremony as it's open to the public. I think they'll be happy with that and hopefully there's not an awkward lay over period when we go into the reception (which is also at the same venue).

     
    7.
    Member
    3,319 posts
    Sugar bee
    mishelleez    November 5, 2010   DW- Bahamas

    I think @MrsJKH2be: had the best idea! A thank you note and come goodies sounds perfect.

    Dont worry about inviting them. they know they are not invited and just wanted to do something nice for you.

     
    8.
    Member
    42 posts
    Newbee
    cr8ingwaves    October 16, 2010   Pittsburgh, PA

    I was also going to suggest treating them to lunch being brought in or made by you or something yummy in the break room to share.

    How wonderful of them to do that for you.

     
    9.
    2,766 posts
    Sugar bee
    clarebee    August 21, 2010   Vienna, VA (wedding in Greensboro, GA)

    No need to invite them. They chose to buy the gift for you - especially because they FOUND your registry - its not like you gave it to them! A thank you note will suffice!

     
    10.
    Member
    3,625 posts
    Sugar bee
    stephinPA    October 29, 2010   Reading, PA

    Wow.  That is super nice. 

     
    11.
    Member Icon
    Member
    839 posts
    Busy bee
    Missbliss      

    Don't worry about inviting them.  They didn't buy a gift for an invitation.  They know that your wedding list was made before you met them, and they still wanted to get you something special.  Write a beautiful thank you, and if you want to treat them to some goodies when you return from your honeymoon that's an extra bonus for them.  Don't be afraid to share your wedding photos with them, because they will probably want to see you as a beautiful bride!

     
    12.
    Member Icon
    Member
    126 posts
    Blushing bee
    Mrs. Alias    October 24, 2009  

    Yeah you don't have to invite them. And THEY should feel awkward for spending so much on you after only knowing you a short while and not even being invited to the wedding! Your only obligation is to write a thank you card.

     
    13.
    Member
    1,443 posts
    Bumble bee
    stillme    October 2010  

    I wouldn't worry about the fact that they're not invited. It sounds like they just wanted to do something really nice for you, not make you feel awkward in any way. I think a sincere thank-you note is all you need. 

     
    14.
    Member
    2,188 posts
    Buzzing bee
    Rgeddy    June 13, 2010   Raleigh, NC

    I had a very similar situation.  I started working in my office after i got engaged and made the guest list.  they threw me a little bridal shower in the office and all chipped in and got me a $250 gift card!! I was so thankful but knew they knew they weren't invited to the wedding!

     
    15.
    Member
    4,019 posts
    Honey bee
    jennifer_espos    June 18, 2010   NYC

    I don't see anything wrong with just a thank you card.  Its obvious that they weren't doing this for an invite.  They just wanted to give you a gift.  I'm sure they totally understand that they can't be invited.  Maybe in passing one day you can mention it.  Not that you'd have to.

     
    16.
    Member
    552 posts
    Busy bee
    Leafy    May 1, 2011  

    Some very touching words in a card and maybe some baked goods along with a very heartfelt verbal thank you should cover it. They knew they were not invited, they were just being nice. :)

     
    17.
    1,151 posts
    Bumble bee
    shaydenise    October 30, 2010  

    They gave you a git because they wanted to not because they expected a last minute invitation.  Send a thank you and don't worry about it.  They know the invites had already gone out.  Office showers/parties are generally the only exception to the "everyone invited to the shower must be invited to the wedding" rule, simply because often times people at work plan this as a surprise and for situations like yours where your fairly new.

     
    18.
    Member
    1,131 posts
    Bumble bee
    KaitlinHudson    December 18, 2010   Patuxent River, MD

    Dont worry about it! I'm going through the exact some situation. They know they aren't invited, they're just being nice!

     
    19.
    Member
    973 posts
    Busy bee
    coffeekitty    November 2010  

    @tweds: i would say don't worry about it! enjoy the gifts. they KNEW they weren't invited when they bought the gifts.

    That is mighty generous, and I would feel awkward too! But you haven't done anything wrong, so long as you weren't telling people all about the wedding as if they were invited.

    If your wedding is in 2 weeks, they can't possibly think they are still awaiting an invite.

     
    20.
    Member
    973 posts
    Busy bee
    coffeekitty    November 2010  

    @Leafy: yes! baked goods! Leafy, you're good!

     
    21.
    Member Icon
    Member
    18 posts
    Newbee
    DecemberWed    December 11, 2010   New York (Upstate Wedding)

    The work shower is always the exception to the general shower etiquette- which says that if you are invited to the shower you are supposed to be invited to the wedding. Don't sweat it!

     
    22.
    Member
    5,166 posts
    Bee Keeper
    2PeasinaPod       Philadelphia

    I think the baked goods and a great thank you note to each of them is in order! But, you are under no obligation to invite them. I work with a lot of different vendors for my job, and you wouldn't believe how many people bought me gifts without being invited to the wedding. It was just a really nice gesture that you should gracefully accept and thank them for. You work with very awesome people for them to do that with you only being there for a few months. We did this at an old job, and the bride was so overwhelmed with kindness that she actually started crying when she had realized what we had done. That reaction was enough for me to know that she really appreciated what we had done for her.

    I think the little goodies and thank you notes are enough...I don't think they're expecting to be invited to the wedding.

     
    23.
    Member
    1,884 posts
    Buzzing bee
    JennyW1    February 19, 2011  

    You are under no obligation to invite them--and they know that, too.

    They just wanted to give you a gift--you must be a good egg!

     
    24.
    Member
    2,627 posts
    Sugar bee
    LittlestBirds    July 24, 2010   Seattle, WA

    Not awkward at all! I was in EXACTLY the same situation. I started my current job in April, I got married in July, my coworkers all knew that they weren't invited even though it was a local wedding (I mentioned several times that it was a very small wedding). On my last day of work before the wedding, they decorated my office, gave me a ton of gag gifts, threw me a surprise bridal shower, gave me a $150 gift card to my registry store, and then a handful of them went and bought individual gifts from my registry for me. I never once thought it was awkward, just really touching! I wrote a thank you email to the staff before I left, then when I came back I posted a thank-you note to the staff in the lunch room, and handed individual thank-you notes to each coworker who had gotten me something from my registry. Very simple.

     
    25.
    Member Icon
    Member
    448 posts
    Helper bee
    tweds    September 18, 2010  

    Just checked back this thread and overwhelmed by all the awesome responses!! :) I love the idea of bringing in baked goodies en masse after I get back and writing individual thank-yous for the giftees...was going to do notes anyways but it's a great addition to "treat" the office, if only in a small way. Thanks ladies!!

    For those wondering where I work: I'm a doc surrounded by other great docs and ancillary staff :)

     

     
    26.
    Member Icon
    Member
    74 posts
    Worker bee
    leilafl    February 20, 2011   Philadelphia, PA

    Definitely back up the idea of giving your co-workers a nice thank you card and some goodies! It's really nice that they gave you a party to celebrate, what awesome people Smile

     

    Reply

    You must log in to post.





    Visit our sister sites eHarmony
    Online Dating
    eHarmony Advice
    Dating Advice
    Project Wedding
    Wedding Songs
    JustMommies
    Pregnancy Calendar
    Copyright 2004-2012, Weddingbee.com
     

    Find your vendors on Weddingbee

    Real reviews from brides in your area!

    Favors by Weddingbee

    • Favors by season

    Shop Now ยป

    Find Registry Find Registry Find Registry

    More
    User Posts Today
    ellisrobertson 24
    fishbone 20
    MsPanda 14
    aduarte3201 14
    ladyartichoke 12
    mypinkshoes 12
    pengoala 11
    sylvia.riggle 11
    ShellVee 10
    ndreighton 10

    Etiquette

    User Posts Today
    fishbone 4
    lilgrizzlygirl 3
    thursdayschild 3
    eagle 3
    tnanog 3
    SapphireSun 2
    likelimeade 2
    SoonToBeSLP 2
    bridgetsierra 2
    aspasia475 1
    More