- 7 years ago
So a bit of a back story…
FH has been living in the family home with Future Mother-In-Law for a number of years now. He went to University for a couple years, but decided it wasn’t for him and went back home to take over the family farm with his two uncles (his Dad passed away when he was 15). After he moved back, Future Mother-In-Law and him decided that when he got married, him and his wife would live in the house on the farm yard and she would move to town.
I didn’t like this idea at all, because I was the type of girl that dreamed of building her dream house more then having a dream wedding. I also wasn’t comfortable with it because his parents built it and lived there their entire marriage and raised both of their children in it. It has lots of memories for the family, and extended family as well. So I’m going to come in there and change everything… uncomfortable.
We broached the subject several times during our relationship, even briefly talked about building on land close by. We didn’t make any decisions before we got engaged.
After we got engaged, Future Mother-In-Law straight up told FH that she has a “Plan” – she doesn’t want to stay in the house, wants to move to town and she’ll be looking at houses shortly. As in she wanted to have a house by June (we got engaged in Feb). This obviously pushed FH to want to have the wedding earlier then I expected and that I had no choice in the matter but to suck it up and live in that house for the rest of my life. Granted, it’s a beautiful home with a few renovations, but not my dream home.
I dealt with it for the next few months, but the more I thought about it, the more uncomfortable I became. I burst one day, a couple months ago, about my feelings and how his family would feel after we changed all we wanted in the house. He said Future Mother-In-Law doesn’t care, she knows we’ll be making changes, and she wouldn’t have suggested to move in if she didn’t want to move out. His sister, and any other extended family, would just have to deal as well. “We’ll make this house OURS” is what he says.
FMIL’s “Plan”, like said, was to have a house by June and then have the summer to get it ready, go through the farm house (decide what to take, what to give away, what to throw away) and move in. She bought a house, has it painted, cleaned, some new furniture and appliances in so it’s ready to go. It’s now the middle of August – she hasn’t started going through any of the house at all (there is ALOT of items that have accumulated…) and the only things that have been moved so far are a couple couches to the basement.
This only bothers me because it’s very awkward to go to FH’s now and think about what to paint, what to tear down, what to put in, where everything’s going to go, while all of her things (and herself) are still there. I’ve mentioned this to FH but the only reply he has is that “she must be busy”. It’s also a bit uncomfortable for me because they both still have their little routines with each other that I have to see everytime I’m there and then I’m going to come in and completely change the whole spectrum. And then a comment Future Mother-In-Law made yesterday, “I’m so used to having wide open spaces, it’s going to be hard to get used to having smaller rooms in the house.” I know this is probably nothing, and I’m other-thinking, but it bothered me a bit and made me uncomfortable.. yet again.
Now, I’ve just gotten a casual/part-time job in the town by FH’s (which is an hour away from where I live) and I’m thinking it be best if I stayed there a couple nights a week so that I don’t have to drive all the time. I’m hoping this will speed things up with her… And also after this weekend when I have my shower and bring all the gifts there. I’m sick of sitting in limbo with her and want to start my life with FH, already… WITHOUT HER!