Post # 1
i havent been on here in a while, but need some help!
i work a part time job one night a week. i work with this guy named Ryan who i have known for a few years, but over the summer we started talking more at work. Our conversations are never really deep, mostly we talk about restaurants, sports, random things like that. He is a nice guy.
A few weeks ago we started playing words with friends. one day he sent me a msg on the game about a high point word he played. we occasionally msg eachother about the game-just silly things about who was going to win or lose. well one night after i saw him at work, where we talked a little-we played words with friends later that night. i sent a msg to him saying I was going to win the game (i had lost every other) and we had a convo going about stupid topics and than he said u are so funny-i wish i could find a girl like u. so i was kind of taken off guard, and just said i am sure you will find someone great soon.
last week he was much more talkative with me at work and kind of flirting with me i think? he texted me about work a few days later but then started talking about other things-personal things (which I dont mind listening to him) but i felt they were flirting and like he was trying to get me to meet up with him. he knows i am married, but i just feel awkward with this as i feel maybe he likes me?
i am not a confrontational person, but do you think I should say something to him next time he makes a flirty comment? I dont know what to do?
Post # 3
If I were you I would try to taper my interaction with him. You don’t have to say or do anything explicit, just be less available.
Post # 4
If you want to start subtlely, you could talk about your husband in really complimentary terms and mention him frequently in your conversations. Just a casual reminded that you aren’t available. Like if you’re talking about a restaurant – “Oh, DH and I really like that place.”
Post # 5
As ladybear said…just keep throwing your hubby into the conversation…
if he talks about sports…say hubbies favourite team is_____, hubby loves football!!!! (even if he hates football..make it up!!!)
Your coworker will get the picture. You could also say your a really nice guy, I have a girlfriend/sister/cousin who would be perfect for you. there is nothing like having someone your crushing on trying to set you up on a blind date…it totally gets you to see they are not interested.
I would also limit my interaction with this guy during after work hours.
Post # 6
Start casually bringing up your husband in conversations. Not in an overbearing manner, just throw it in there. Hopefully he will get the hint, and you won’t have to have an awkward confrontation with a person you have to continue working with!
Post # 7
Maybe this is just me, but when I was reading this before I got the part when you said “he knows I’m married” I was thinking you were single.
Playing words with friends and sharing funny comments back and forth is something I would consider as gateway flirtation if not full blown flirting. My relationship with my husband may be different than you & yours, and I will admit, I am much more traditonal than the average jane, but, I think this is over the line.
I wouldn’t ever play words with friends, or even text back and forth with a guy from my work unless it was work related. Even then I would keep the texts short and too the point. It’s not that I’m an unfriendly person, but IMHO I think a married woman should only be texting and playing games with her husband. It can lead to an emmotional attachment to the other person and I don’t want to put myself or someone else in that situation. Also, it is understandable that Ryan would develop feelings for you, the way I see it, you were reciprocating the flirting by playing games with him and engaging in personal talk with him.
There is no reason to get upset at Ryan. I think if you stop playing words with friends with him altogether and stop talking to him altogether he will be hurt and confused. It would be better to let him know that you felt a little uncomfortable with his message and that you don’t want to lead him on. He will probably deny everything out of embarassment.
Very awkward indeed.
If talking to him is too awkard and he won’t shut up about his personal life then just chime in about your husband. I would keep the messaging and the game playing to a minimum here though. If Ryan brings up “wanting a girl like you” again then maybe try and set him up with a friend of yours??? I’d mention (in a nice way of course) though that comments like that need to stop…..
Like maybe: “Hey Ryan, I don’t mean to be weird or anything, maybe it’s just me but I am married, you know that, and I just feel kinda funny when you make comments like that to me. ya know?”
Does your husband know? it might be wise to let him know…..
Post # 8
@mrshoneybee: yes my husband does know. IMO it is not a big deal to play words with friends with him, but I understand people see things differently. he knows ryan and i have had small chats about the game. My DH trusts me and did not seem worried. I did not tell him about how i felt like ryan was flirting with me because DH has been away and I really didnt feel the need to bring it up. I am not attracted to Ryan in anyway.
I am going to take everyones advice about causally mentioning my DH more if it comes up in convo and if I still feel uncomfortable I will say something more direct, although I am feel like I will be awkward if it comes to that! so hopefully it wont.
Post # 9
i’d just stop responding to his texts and his words with friends. he probably wont say anything but if he does tell him you fell asleep or you were on a date with your SO.
Post # 10
Yeah I echo PP I would just casually mention my hubby a bit more in convo and maybe just limit the convo to Words w/ Friends stuff for a little while.
If he mentions wanting to find a girl like you maybe redirect him – tell him to try online dating or something ie “oh my friend Jane started online dating 6 months ago at [site] and she met an awesome guy – they’re still going strong 3 months later – ever tried that?” Says hey I’m not interested but a little gentler… 🙂
Post # 11
@LadyBear: “If you want to start subtlely, you could talk about your husband in really complimentary terms and mention him frequently in your conversations. Just a casual reminded that you aren’t available. Like if you’re talking about a restaurant – “Oh, DH and I really like that place.”
@honeylove26: “Start casually bringing up your husband in conversations. Not in an overbearing manner, just throw it in there. Hopefully he will get the hint, and you won’t have to have an awkward confrontation with a person you have to continue working with!“
This is by far the best idea. I think if you do it subtlety and often, it will register and he will stop the inappropriate flirting/comments.