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One bit of advice, though I know this probably isn't what you were looking for -- maybe you could ask someone else (like your mother, aunt, whoever it was that threw your shower) to stand with you. Not as a "just in case" but say that as you've gone thorugh all this planning and they have been such a big help and a good friend - you would love to have them stand there. They can wear whatever dress they were already planning on wearing and you can know that the person next to you really wants to be there.
As for the other two -- I would send one last email, or leave one last voicemail, just stating how much you still want them to eb a part of your big day, but as of right now you are counting them out unless you hear otherwise. It will just be a weight off your shoulders and make the next two weeks easier.
Good luck and enjoy your big day!
Seeing as the date is approaching, I would definitely call both of them. I have to disagree with HumarockBride - you have already discussed the 'out' with one of them and she said she will be there. Take her at her word!
Approach the discussion saying how excited you are to see her and to have her standing up for you. Maybe she is uncomfortable contacting you because she's having difficulty finding a place to stay (for financial reasons or whatever). Offer to help. Try to keep calm, even if she gets agressive.
This is a sticky situation... so sorry.
Maybe you don't need a bridal party at all? You mentioned they could sit with everyone else (aka... be honored guests). Are you planning to have groomsmen? Would you mind having them sit out too? Since very little has been invested in both time and money, I don't think the girls have much to be let down over. You could just explain to everyone that you and your fiance decided to simplify the wedding plans -- you would love to hang out with all of the friends before and during the wedding but the ceremony would only include the two of you.
There's no rule that says you need a bridal party. I wish I didn't have one -- it would have saved much drama and hurt feelings when people were reluctant to participate. My friends who weren't in the bridal party were more supportive and helpful during the wedding than my MOH (sister).
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Mrs. Pom - that's such a good idea. Unfortunately, FI's mom just ordered kilts for the groomsmen, and I think it would hurt her feelings or make her angry to know they weren't even going to be used in the wedding. Additionally, FI's groomsmen have been really great and I think it would be unfortunate to make them sit out just because my friends are being crappy.
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My two bridesmaids and I all grew up in the same town and then, after high school, all relocated to different places in the Pacific Northwest. I am not as good friends with them as I used to be, and we don't keep in touch as often as I would like. However, when I became engaged, these two girls (who are not friends with each other, just to be clear), they were the only ones I thought to ask to stand up with me.
Because they are both students with limited budgets, and because they live several hours away from me, I didn't expect much from them in terms of help with the wedding. I asked them to choose a black dress in a style that they liked, and to show up and walk down the aisle. That's it. They didn't make it to the shower (that someone else threw me) or send a gift, and two months ago (our wedding is now in 2 weeks) one of the maids was vague on whether she would even be able to make it to the wedding, when she had agreed over a year ago that she would be there.
Subsequently, I called to discuss this and get an answer either way - sort of giving her an out if she needed or wanted to not be in or come to the wedding. She got really annoyed and said, "I'm going to be there, I said I would be in it, so I'm going to."
In the last couple of weeks, as plans for the rehearsal and lodging have firmed up, I have emailed both girls the plan as far as what's happening, dates, times, etc. and asked that they let me know when they're arriving and where they're staying. I have not yet heard back from either of them. I am afraid to call the one mentioned above who got annoyed with me because I don't want her to get aggressive again, and the other has been overseas and just got back, so she is without a phone.
At this point I feel like I want to save the drama, avoid having my feelings hurt, and tell them that if they come to the wedding at all, they can just sit with everyone else. Obviously at two weeks out I don't want to rearrange everything, so that may be more a pipe dream than anything, so I'm more or less stuck with them in the wedding if they do indeed show up. I may be overreacting somewhat, but all I'm asking of them is to buy any old dress, figure out when they're coming, and then get here. Not difficult, in my mind. I'm getting freaked the closer it gets to the wedding, and I'm taking their lack of contact really personally.
Does anyone have advice? How should I cope? What should I do?