Post # 1
So here’s the deal. We’re having a grown up wedding. No kids. Not even a flower girl. My family has known this and it has not been an issue. Friends and family members have made big sacrifices to get to our wedding sans kids and honestly, most have told me they are grateful for the time away. FH’s family… not so much apparently.
Got an email from FH’s cousin on Friday. She was looking for childcare options for her 2 year old and 4 month old since they are coming form out of town and they will be with her. No problem. My friend’s daughter is a vet student and a part time nanny and I would trust my kids with her in a heartbeat. She agreed to watch the munchkins. Emailed the cousin with a couple of options. No response.
FMIL called today. Apparently the email wasn’t totally honest. She didn’t really want childcare, she wanted me to tell her that she could bring her 2 year old and 4 month old to my catholic grown up wedding. FMIL and FAIL (Future Aunt In Law – totally made that up) are apparently pissed that I’m not cool with this. I could be okay with the 4 month old, but a 2 year old?!?! Behaving through a catholic wedding? I think not! And since I have one friend whose husband is hanging out around town with their three kids (all under 4) while she is at the wedding and I have friends and family members who left spouses at home in another state with the kids, I really dont’ feel like I can make an exception. Not to mention the fact that I DON’T WANT ANY KIDS AT MY WEDDING!
This isn’t an I don’t like kids thing. I work with kids, I love them, I just think that weddings are adult affairs and our venue is not the place for children. I’m doing the right thing by offering top notch sitters, right? I mean, she knew this was no kids when she RSVPed. What the heck else am I supposed to do?
Post # 3
I would let that cousin and her family know that others have made sacrifices and it would NOT be fair to those who did. Tell her if she can not come you completely understand. Furthermore, have hostesses at the door to “block her” from coming into the church with her children. Send her to a cry room if available or have a babysitter available at the church for her to send her child. If she agrees, leave the two year old with the church babysitter. If not, she can leave.
Furthermore, seat her near the back door on the last row so if the 4mo starts to get fussy the hostess can escort her out.
That is what I am doing for my child free wedding. I understand. I love kids too BUT we’ve been planning this day for over a year that can be ruined by fussy children and parents who just sit there
Post # 4
Ditto with @LuvMySailor: it is the height of rudeness to bring children to an event to which they are not invited -actually to bring anyone to an event to which they were not invited.
Having breastfed 2 children I also know that you can feed a two month old just before the ceremony , even just topping them up , and they can last till the ceremony is done. Failing that, seating them in the cry room or in the back row- “just in case they need to slip out to deal with the baby” is an alternative.
You have already made arrangements for the 2 yr old. Either she can accept the arrangements you have made or she can send her regrets.
Post # 5
Thanks Ladies. She has her options and can make her choice. I need to stop feeling guilty about every little thing. FH counted that there are 9 families with children under 2 invited to our wedding (we only invited 48 couples). 7 have made arrangements for sitters or are leaving a spouse with the kiddos, 1 opted not to come due to distance and a traveling husband, and the other one… is this one. He relayed this to his mom and hopefully it all works out.
Post # 6
@Lames: *fingers crossed for you* I’m glad your FI is backing you up on this, and you’re being more than helpful for those who do have children. I hope that they simmer down on this one.
Post # 7
Wow, there always seems to be one in every bunch that just tries to break the rules! lol, hopefully she will figure it out that the kiddos are not allowed. You have done evrything right, and hopefully FI mom can straighten it out ok.
Post # 8
I don’t get why people don’t understand that no kids means no kids! I love kids but didn’t want my wedding/reception to turn into romper room. I felt like it wasn’t my job to have a kid menu, activities for kids or special space for kids (which my venue didn’t have really).
Post # 9
I don’t see any problem with you standing your ground. She knew what the deal was when she RSVPed. If she doesn’t want to leave her children she can just say she can’t come. I don’t like it when people try to bully people into invitations or allowing their kids to come.
It’s YOUR wedding, it’s YOUR event – you get to call the shots. To some people, making sure everyone can be there is super important, to others not having kids there is important. One choice isn’t better than the other so feel pressured to change your mind (especially when you’ve provided her with options for child-care).