Post # 1
Okay, so we are only having 20 people at our wedding and we are making it an all day event. We are hiring a limo bus to take everyone to the ceremony, then we are all going to a location to take pictures and then the bus is taking us to the reception. We want it to be a really intimate event for our family and closest friends.
So, I sent our detailed plans to a friend of mine to give her the date (the wedding is next year). She wrote back that she wants to invite a third person – her future baby – who will be about 4 months old at the time of the wedding.
While I am happy for her and her husband that they are having a child I do not want a four month old on the limo bus with us all day going to all of the events. I was surprised that she has asked me about this after she saw the schedule that I had planned.
I want to communicate with her and tell her I am having an adult only event since there are only 20 people and that I understand if she can’t come due to the new baby. Is that mean? On top of that, my brother and my best friend both have children (one of them is a baby) and they both understand that they’ll need to have a babysitter during the event.
I don’t have children and I don’t want to seem unreasonable but I think I should talk to her. What are your thoughts?
Post # 3
I don’t have kids either, but we have also decided to have an adults only wedding/reception. And let me tell you, we’ve gotten a lot of flack about it. I am like you – I completely understand if people aren’t able to attend because we’ve decided to have an adults only event. But people are quick to whine, complain, and judge us for our decision.
I guess what I’m saying is I don’t think you are being unreasonable at all. She may not like your decision and may not attend because of it. And as long as you are fine with that, then email away.
Post # 4
Can you explain a bit more what is in the schedule that would make it impossible to have a baby involved? If you choose to do adults only thats your choice but it would be helpful to understand better.
4 months is pretty old and in my opinion old enough to go to a sitter if there is someone trusted. The biggest kink comes in if the family is traveling to the wedding. In that case it can be very difficult to leave a child of that age at home all weekend with a sitter but is also hard to find a sitter the day of the wedding in a town they aren’t familiar with.
Post # 5
I do not think that you are being unreasonable. I would imagine that her mother (or the father’s mother) would be more than trustworthy enough to watch the baby for a day.
However, being a mother myself, I have first-hand experience at how difficult it is to leave a baby so young in the care of someone else! So, just don’t be really upset with her if she opts not to attend, it wouldn’t be because she doesn’t care for you enough, it’s just really hard to let go of your infant!
I really hope that she understands your stance on the issue, and either decides to attend, or at least not be upset at you if she doesn’t.
Post # 6
@texasmeredith – Thanks! I am glad to know that I am not the only one who feels this way. I have no problem with her not attending if she doesn’t want to. I completely understand. I will talk to her.
@caszos – We are going to a small chapel for the ceremony then hopping on the bus to go to a picture studio for pictures. All 20 of us will be taking pictures and the studio thinks it will take about two hours. After the pictures we are going to a fondue restaurant and then heading back to the hotel. All of us will be together the entire day and no one plans to drive separately. I don’t think it’s appropriate to take a four month old to all of these events and especially not at the fondue restaurant but I’m not a parent so what do I know (lol). My friend would be traveling to the wedding which is why I completely understand if she decides not to come.
Post # 7
If she’s breastfeeding, she may not be comfortable leaving the baby all day long. That would also mean finding places to pump and that’s a huge hassle.
Your approach sounds fine, and it sounds like you’ve accepted the fact that she may not be able to come. I don’t see anything wrong!
Post # 8
Thanks Ladies! Everyone is so nice on Wedding Bee. It is really wonderful to be able to get responses and opinions while planning a wedding. It really helps!
Post # 9
Stick to your guns if you want no babies. I love kids, have a niece in the wedding, etc…but kids change the atmosphere and if you want an adult party you are entitled to one. If you make this choice you have to be prepared to lose guests (we did) but also be flexible and offer to make child care arrangements. Our groomsman is traveling from Chicago with his baby daughter and we helped him find a local sitter and he was able to talk to her and her references in advance to get comfortable with them and his daugther will be a 5 minute walk from the ceremony and reception. It took a little effort to make the arrangements, but we all get what we want – we get an adults only reception and his daughter is safe and close by just in case.
Post # 10
Search adults only or no kids and you’ll find dozens of posts with people struggling with this issue. Its a very hotly debated topic.
Post # 11
Totally a challenge. One of my BMs is due a month (yes 1 month) before our wedding. She plans to be there with the baby. It’s a little different since she’ll have to travel (about a 6 hr drive) and the baby will be barely a month old not 4 months. Her hubby will keep the baby while we’re doing pics but then the little one will be around at the reception. My neice who is in the wedding (and nearly 2) will be with a sitter at the hotel across the street during most of the reception (sounds really smilar to ladyox). What if she even had a sitter (family member) nearby who could be primarily responsible but then she wouldn’t have to leave (and could breast feed when necessary)?
Post # 12
I just wanted to say that I was in my brother’s wedding when my Dirty Delete was 6 weeks old. We had to fly from California to attend the wedding, so leaving her was absolutely not an option. She did cry during the ceremony, but there was a crying room.
At the reception, everyone took turns holding her and was so happy to see her, plus she slept through a lot of it. I was able to Boyfriend or Best Friend when I needed to in a hotel room (the reception was in the ball room) but also have a great time.
Most people love babies, and Fiance and I had a really good time and no one minded her at all. Just wanted to share.
Post # 13
tell her that you’re not sure and are considering it. and then when you send out the invites, make sure she notcies the adult’s only reception portion of the invitation.
Post # 14
Just explain to her that it’s going to be adults only, and stick to your decision. The people who care about you and your FH will make sure that they can be there with you. We didn’t have children at our wedding and some people were pushy, and some people just genuinely wanted to ask to clarify if they could bring their baby.
One person understood that children weren’t allowed, but they brought their child anyway. They spent most of the ceremony in the back of the church with their crying son, then spent dinner and dancing pushing him around in the stroller, changing diapers, and trying to entertain him.
The other parents were glad they had a night to themselves and were able to actually visit with us and the rest of the family.