Post # 1
My fiance and I have decided to have no children at our wedding. Invites have been sent with “adult only reception” on them. It is a 7pm ceremony immediately followed by a cocktail style reception. We have had so much backlash from upset family members in the past couple days.
I talked to my sister (MOH) a while back about leaving her baby who will be 7 months at home and she is now also upset. My fiance and I have discussed it at great lengths and have agreed that if we let the 3 breastfeeding moms bring their babies it will start a snowball effect and we would be looking at 8 children (under 2years) at the very least that we would have to invite (to be fair to fiance’s side – if my nephew comes, all of his should).
Also, since it’s on the invites, if some guests got a babysitter for the night and showed up to see 8 children at the wedding we would upset even more guests.
This has become a total nightmare and I need some advise!
Post # 3
I am SO sorry this is happening to you! I would stick with your guns, with the understanding that some people (including those who might be close to you) may not come because of it. We’re having no children either, but have backlash for other things (not inviting cousins.)
Post # 4
I personally think it is all or nothing situation unless for newborns born to wedding party members. So, I’m on your side. Just accept the fact that some people may protest and not come.
Post # 5
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
I agree. All or nothing. They need to get over it.
Post # 6
@MrsAMac: You have set the rules for the wedding. It is up to them to accept or decline. Can the nursing mothers pump milk before they leave their babies? I know my friends usually pump 3-4 bottles of milk before leaving their infants with babysitters. All you can do is express your wishes and have a hostess at the church who will kindly but firmly tell those who show up with children that the wedding is child free.
Post # 7
I think its one thing if its an infant (a couple months old) but 7 months is old enough for a babysitter…even if you are breastfeeding. thats what breast pumps are for. I say stick to your guns.
Post # 8
can you explain why you think that there will be a snowball effect if you make an exception for the three breastfeeding mothers? that’s a pretty standard exception because not all newborns take bottles.
Post # 9
@Spider Mum: My nephew will be 7 months and my fiance has 2 nephews (8 months and 2 years) and my FMIL would be livid if my nephew came and they were not invited (even though neither are breasfeeding).
Then, our officiant is my fiance’s cousin in law who has a 2 year old who has never had a babysitter so they are very upset that he can not come (and are actually working out a system where he will do the ceremony, then leave to relieve his wife who will come to the reception). If we had all our nephews and did not let our officiant bring his son he would be very upset with us.
So now we have 3 breastfeeding moms on my side, my fiance’s 2 nephews and our officiant’s son. Furthermore on my fiance’s side he has 2 cousins with babies under the age of 1 both of whom are breastfeeding.
Literally, if my nephew comes, we both feel all of those kids will have to be invited.
As much as I don’t want any kids or babies at our wedding, I don’t think I would have done it if it was going to cause this much stress
Post # 10
It is not up to you to pass judgement on whether or not they can leave their “whatever age” child (or “whatever significant other”, but that’s another post) with a babysitter. Not your call. Don’t even engage in that conversation with a parent. It’s inappropriate, at best and can begin an emotional discussion that neither of you needs and will never be resolved, because in the end it’s the hosts prerogative to dictate the event, invite whomever you want and it’s the guest’s prerogative to accept or decline to attend said event.
Having said that….. YOUR WEDDING. YOUR CALL. You and your FI decided on the type of wedding you want. As with the rest of the decisions you make in your life, that will mean some people will be unhappy because you can’t please all of the people all of the time. If you try to make accomodations for “some exceptions” you open yourself to further discussions by those who weren’t allowed. If you and your FI really don’t want kids at your wedding, then stick with that.
Having said that…. I would allow all 8 kids at the wedding, but I’m of a different mindset about weddings, so that’s not neccesarily what you want to hear. The advice I would give you is to maybe offer to pay for your sister’s babysitter – to keep the peace. If you’re having your reception at a hotel…. can the babysitter and baby stay at the hotel? Then your sis could sneak away during the reception, if needed.
Post # 11
@MrsAMac: And I have told my sister that her son can be with us the entire day for photos and get picked up 15 minutes before the ceremony. I’m not a mom, but to leave your 7 month old at home with his grandparents doesn’t seem that terrible.
Post # 12
OP: thanks for the clarification. 🙂 that definitely makes it tricky.
Post # 13
@3xaCharm: The reception is at an Art Gallery so no baby sitter option there 🙁
Post # 14
I have a kid, so I feel like I should give my opinion 🙂
When DD was 14 months, my best friend was getting married about 4 hours away from where we live. I told her that the logistics would be too hard for us to get a sitter for overnight, and we wouldn’t be able to come. She told me that I was crazy and that of course we could bring DD if I meant I would be with her for her wedding.
Also, we didn’t leave DD with a sitter at night or overnight (my mom) until she was 7 months old. I would be upset if someone told me to “just get a sitter” for my 7 month old…it’s not that easy, ESPECIALLY if you’re nursing. People feel (and rightfully so, IMO) that you’re asking them to break up their family unit for your wedding.
I guess what I’m getting at is that personally, I want my most beloved friends and family – the people that I invited – to be at my wedding. I would not want to add an obstacle to their attendance, so if they need to come with their kids then they can come with their kids.
Post # 15
This is just how it is. If you decide on a “no children” wedding, it will make parents unhappy. That’s the problem that comes with the territory. If you decide to have children at the wedding, then you will have to make allowances for the larger head count, the fact that some babies might cry, etc. Those are the problems that come with that territory.
Re. 7month olds, etc., taking a bottle is not the only issue, it’s not that simple. Some people don’t feel comfortable with leaving their children with babysitters, or they only have one or two trusted babysitters and if those people don’t happen to be available there’s not much that they can do. Older babies also sometimes go through phases where they get very clingy and attached to their moms, and nobody else (sometimes not even Daddy) will do. I once babysat a <1 year old who screamed for 90+ minutes until his mom came home. A couple of weeks ago my BIL was watching my 1-year-old niece while my sisters and I were at a party, and the same thing happened – my niece cried inconsolably until Mommy came home.
These are the kinds of things the parents might be thinking about when they are unhappy about the “no kids” wedding. Yes, you get to make the choices and have the wedding you want, but making parents upset is the inevitable consequence of those choices and you need to understand and accept that.
Post # 16
@MrsAMac: It’s not that horrible. People shouldn’t be bashing you for not having children at your wedding. I’m sorry you’re going through this. People are putting undue pressure on you by voicing their dislike of the facts of your event, and that’s totally not fair to you. Just keep responding with “it is what it is,” because it’s not going to change for anyone. If your sister keeps pressing you, tell her how impolite she is being, and ask her if she would do that to an acquaintance.
It’s not your responsibility to provide a babysitter if you do not want children at your wedding. Those who are ultra offended because they’ve never hired a sitter for their child would be hypocritical if they utilized the hotel sitters’ services. Either way, it’s a baby-sitter. Why should you be stuck with finding accomodations for people who aren’t your children?