(Closed) Babies, babies everywhere! Plus a pregnant BM – How to handle this nicely?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

“She found out last night and took a picture of her pregnancy test and posted it on Facebook.”

First of all…really?!?  Is there no such thing as a private, sacred moment anymore?  Please don’t tell me that she posted this in real time.

Secondly, positive tests need to seriously be taken with a grain of salt. Nothing’s official until its been confirmed by a doctor.  I’ve had a couple false-positives in the past, and I would have been horrified if I had jumped the gun and posted them to Facebook.  In other words…you don’t know  that she’s pregnant yet *for sure*, so cross that bridge when you get to it.

in terms of your other concerns…it is NEVER EVER EVER okay to leave babies unattended for any length of time, so you can go ahead and scratch that idea off your list.  Since it sounds like you have 3-4 guests tops in this situation, I would approach them personally and explain that while you have no problem with babies attending the reception, you do not want them at the ceremony and have not budgeted for a babysitter during that time.  Figuring out child care arrangements is the responsibility of the parent, so if you’re up-front about your expectations now, they’ll have plenty of time to figure out what to do with their children.  Then stop worrying  about it!

Post # 5
Member
7908 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

@LR2012:  You’ve had false positives? Plural? That is so insanely rare. False negatives are common, but false positives are very rare unless you are over like 35/40(?) and have a specific health condition. Usually people who get a positive and end up not pregnant later had a chemical pregnancy.

But I agree, she’s really jumping the gun posting the pregnancy test… msotly because she could lose the baby in the first 8-12 weeks, not because the test could be wrong. That’s HIGHLT unlikely.

OP, your friends are responsible for finding their own childcare. Providing it for them is lovely, but not at all required. My friends with kids were plenty happy to leave the babies at home and enjoy a night out.

Post # 6
Member
5557 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2011

One thing, breastfeeding babies (and those under a year usually) are kind of considered a package deal. Some moms are totally okay with leaving a few month old baby with a sitter, some aren’t. So if you REALLY want to say “No babies period” at your ceremony, be prepared for people with new-ish babies to not come. I have friends with babies who were totally okay with leaving their 3 week old baby at home with a friend to go out for their sanity, I have others who have never had their 6 month plus baby away from both parents for more than 30 minutes so it is so dependant on the people involved. Obviously leaving babies alone is NEVER okay so just be prepared if you don’t want the babies at the cermony you may lose out on their parents too. 

On the pregnant BM thing, wait and see if her dress is still going to it, is it super tight or is there give in the belly area? Lots of ladies have found BM dresses that are similar to the others off the rack different places close to the wedding date to accomidate the pregnant bridesmaids size. 

Post # 7
Member
7908 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

re: bridesmaids dresses

A number of designers offer maternity versions of normal dresses or maternity dresses in different styles but the same colors and fabrics as other dresses. A maternity dress can be ordered at any point in the pregnancy because the belly measurement will not matter. I will be 8 months pregnant in a wedding soon for which I ordered the dress when I was like 8 or 9 weeks pregnant.

And @chasesgirl:  makes an important point about breastfeeding babies.

Post # 8
Member
7886 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think you should make an exception for young babies and allow their mothers to bring them. They don’t run around (and before 6-9 months, don’t even crawl), so are very easy to handle so long as they’re fed and clean. Plus. leaving baby when you’re breastfeeding is hard. Even if mum pumps milk and finds a sitter, her boobs keep making miik so she’s probably got to pump sometime during the day. In other words, a very big inconvenience and if at all possible it’s better to let them bring their babies.

That leaves the issue of baby crying and interrupting. A good mum will stop baby crying, either take baby out or feed him/her and the crying stops. I brought my 2 month old to a wedding. She was no problem. I was (and am) a regular church goes so I was used to the idea of taking the baby out if she made a fuss (though I didn’t have to). So make sure you talk to the mothers beforehand about the nursery and your desire for them to take baby out if he/she makes a fuss.

EDIT: As others have said, there is absolutely no way babies can be left unattended in the nursery. I think the best bet is have mothers mind them and take them out as a last resort.

Post # 10
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m not inviting anyone under 13 to the wedding. This includes babies. I will address the invites to parents and I will have spread word of mouth that the even is adults only. Though it is an ettiquette faux pas I’m considering including the words “adults only event” on our website or RSVP card so that there is no misunderstanding. I have witnessed a ceremony ruined by small children. It’s not happening to me. Luckily the only person who will have a baby got married 2 years ago and her wedding was the one ruined by a baby screaming. I’m hoping she will remember this and not be offended.

Post # 12
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@mrsSonthebeach:  Ah sorry, should have clarified.  One actually was a chemical pregnancy, but the first was just test misuse (I was 17, stupid, and thankfully got a period the day after).

 

@JoJoDahling:  I’m happy that everything worked out for you.  I always advocate for handling problems like these on a case-by-case basis.  People really can be reasonable and understanding when shown the same consideration!

Post # 14
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

one word of advice,

my friend left her bridal shower and stagette to one of the pregnant bridesmaids to set up (its was supposed to be at her house and everything….other bridesmaids were willing to do it but this lady insisted she do it) well 3 weeks before the wedding out comes baby and needless to say my friend did not get a shower or stagette because the whole family was gaga over baby.

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