- 3 years ago
- Wedding: August 2014
All the baby posts on this board have got me thinking, and I wonder what you all have to say.
I wrote in the kids/CBC threat that FI and I are both undecided. We can see the positives and negatives of both lifestyles and lean toward having a child someday since that’s what we have always pictured, but we don’t have a timeline for TTC.
Being 31, a lot of my friends and family members are married and have babies, so I’ve had a couple of years to see how things have changed for them. My niece is an incredibly good baby and a cute, sweet little soul, but even so, I sort of feel bad for my SIL. The daily existence of a mom caring for a baby looks like such a drag to me. So many hours spent trying to keep the baby from killing/starving/sleep depriving itself to death… watching it constantly… so much anxiety. No time to exercise, go on a weekend trip, every shopping/restaurant trip risks an embarrassing tantrum and being THAT MOM getting the stink eye from the other customers. My brother helps out, but he also works full-time, and my SIL is a SAHM… essentially, raising her child is her full-time job, but frankly it looks like a very boring job to me with little concrete benefits.
I just happened to read an article on the Internet about starting your baby on solid food and was amazed at what a PROCESS it is. And it’s just one example of many other natural processes I’ve heard it can be difficult to teach your baby to do – eating, sleeping, crawling, etc. I think of all the books and articles I’d have to read to help my baby develop normally, and it’s sort of the same feeling you get knowing you have to take a Statistics course next semester if you want to graduate.
I’m pretty sure that if I’d gotten pregnant at age 22 (or, let’s face it, age 28), I would have felt that I wanted a cute, sweet little baby, but I would not have objectively considered in concrete terms if I wanted the lifestyle that comes with having a baby – the loss of freedom, time-consuming process of having to put serious time and effort toward ensuring basic human needs are met, the terrible toll on your body, etc. But now that I’m 31 and have seen up close what it looks like to actually be a mom – not just Facebook pics – I can’t help but be more aware of the reality of motherhood, and wonder if I REALLY want to do it.
So my questions – did you go into motherhood really, truly knowing how it would change your life? If you HAD known, would you have made a different decision? And do the positives of being a mother really overshadow all the negatives?