Babies – did you know what you were getting into?

posted 3 years ago in Babies
Post # 2
1472 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Interesting question, and a bit hard to be objective about, but I’ll try. 

Did you go into motherhood really, truly knowing how it would change your life?<br />I actually had a good sense for how it would change my life in terms of my social life, daily life, etc. But there were definitely surprises. I was good with babies–lots of nannying, childcare, and I was a teacher and behavior specialist, so just generally lots of experience with kids. Totally different with your own. Way more anxiety, and my baby was a terrible sleeper (finally started sleeping through the night, albeit not consistently, at around 13/14 months). So I guess I knew how it would change my life in the grander sense, but maybe not in the microcosm sense (I don’t know if that makes sense). Side note–I don’t think I’d alled pregnancy/having a child something that takes a “terrible toll.” It CAN, but generally doesn’t make that big of a difference in the long run.

If you HAD known, would you have made a different decision?

Not a chance. My son is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. He makes every day (even the hard ones) worth it. It’s an incredible experience. Occasionally, I wish we’d taken one more trip or had one more fantastic weekend alone, but now that my son is 16 months and starting to do well with others and almost done nursing (we nurse once a day, but sometimes skip it), I’m seeing that those parts of my life can and will return (maybe not right away, because we’re likely to have another baby soon-ish, but seeing that the new-mom stage does end at some point). Not that parenting older children doesn’t have its own challenges, but it doesn’t quite have the same urgency in every minute that newborns do.

Do the positives of being a mother really overshadow all the negatives?

I’m not sure I see that many negatives to have to overshadow. My life changed, but it changed to something I’ve always wanted. I am not in the “everyone should have babies” camp, and I have no problem with people being CFC, but FOR ME and my husband, we have always wanted to be parents, and we love it. There are hard moments, but that’s true of life in general, and it’s so worth it to me. I love watching my son learn and grown and change, watch his personality develop, etc. And it is so clear how much he loves me back. I love seeing his smiles, having him run to me, look for me when he gets frustrated or sad, etc. Of course there are moments where I need a break or whatever, but then 20 minutes later I’m missing him. I love that kid!

Just for context, my husband is a tremendous father. He rocks. Seriously. But he also works 40 hours a week and is in an accelerated masters program (15-20 hours a week), so quite a bit of this is on my own. I do work about 15 hours a week, some from home and some out of the house while my mom watches him. I like getting out and about some, and it’s important for me to have another way to be productive (though I think being a SAHM is a really demanding job). It also adds some structure, which I’ve always needed 🙂

Post # 3
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

ohnatto:  Honestly, I was on the fence about kids (DH wasn’t so we were always going to have them). Then I got pregnant. I was definitely concerned about everything that comes laong with it (lack of sleep, loss of freedom, etc.). Granted baby is only 4 weeks old but it has been better than I imagined and I cannot imagine life without my daughter. She has been a very easy baby so far though, which I’m sure helps immensely with my attitude, but even those nights where she’s kept us up crying and we’ve been frustrated, it’s so worth it! I’m sure it will get more difficult, but I still wouldn’t change a thing. I love being a mother (and I didn’t think I was maternal whatsoever beforehand!) 

Post # 4
810 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

The decision to be with my fiancé involved also making the decision to be a step-mommy. She lives with him more or less full time so it wasn’t like getting a little cute kiddo to hang out with two days every other week either. This was full blown mommy-duty really.

I had a pretty good idea of what I was getting into in that I knew that I had no idea what I was getting into, if that makes sense. The decision felt like a blind leap of faith really.

I don’t regret it for a second. Yes, it can be stressful and tests you, but I have grown so much and nothing tops seeing our little girly growing up so beautifully. I was never the baby-crazy type, but I am so excited to eventually add some more babies into the mix 🙂

Post # 5
351 posts
Helper bee

I’m not a mother yet but I find having a baby kind of scary, personally. I’m scared of the process, giving birth & having the baby home. As much as I find babies adorable I also feel prettty awkward around them (I’m more of a toddler & up person) but that doesn’t stop me from wanting a child of my own. Maybe when it’s my own those feeling will change & if it doesn’t well they don’t stay babies forever lol

The social aspect of it, well I’m not much of a social person so I don’t think that area would be affected much anyway & I don’t mind all the time it consumes. I think I’m just more afraid of not doing things right or my baby will be crying & I won’t know what’s wrong to make him/her stop 🙁 

Post # 6
108 posts
Blushing bee

I could say so much about everything you’ve said! When I was pregnant, my husband and I were prepared for anything and everything we thought would be thrown our way. We were expecting sleepless nights, panic and mayhem and just everything you hear and read about. We got those things in fractions but what we weren’t prepared for was the amount of love that came our way when our son was born. It was truly overwhelming. So, yes, you sleep less…but the sleep we missed out on turned into more time experiencing our son and fulfilling his every need, which continues to feel like an honor. Your time is definitely spent differently. You won’t have time to exercise at first but once your baby is mobile, every second is a form of exercise. Trips out aren’t as swift as you will be used to and YES sometimes your baby will be crying/screaming/yelling and you might get a stink eye from someone who has yet to experience the joy when those screams stop but to that I say, to hell with them! You will never see them again and what it comes down to is how YOU and your child feel. Your body will be different, completely and wholely because of the life you brought into this world but what better reason than that? With time, you will look and feel like the new person you are and you will learn to appreciate it. Basically, what I’m saying is that your fears are completely valid and yes there are truly terrible days of exhaustion but motherhood is beautiful and there are more moments of happiness, joy and incredible, unforeseen amounts of love than anything. My life before my baby was a lot easier but not nearly as fulfilling. Absolutely nothing compares to being a mother. I wouldn’t change it for anything in the world! It’s very good that you are looking into motherhood as so. It’s so hard from the outside looking in because mama’s usually are tired in some way. But, I hope this helps 🙂

Post # 7
2696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

did you go into motherhood really, truly knowing how it would change your life? Yes. Up until about 2-3 years before I had my DD, I did NOT want children. When it came time to seriously start considering what having a child might mean, I thought a LOT about how my life would change. What I’d be in for. I expected a lot of exhausting days…a lot of hard work… I read what new moms on forums were gonig through… all of it.

If you HAD known, would you have made a different decision? In reality, motherhood was not as bad as I had built it up to be in my mind. Perhaps this will change when I am the mom of a teenager, but I have been able to navigate all of the challenges so far.

And do the positives of being a mother really overshadow all the negatives? Maybe it’s just due to the fact that mothers have an insane love for thier children, but I just can’t see many negatives. I mean… I guess I need to plan things more, and a lot of my energy goes to my child, but I don’t mind it at all. It’s weird, but caring for my daughter just flat out makes me happy. Yes, she drives me bonkers some days, but I’m amazed with how I can usually keep my cool and laugh off a lot of the drama she sometimes causes. lol

I don’t find caring for her to be a drag. I found the whole process interesting, and I completely dove in. There is something amazing at watching a human that you helped create, develop, grow and become a person. She still amazes me every day…and I laugh more now that I ever had in my whole life! Having my daughter is way more fufilling than any weekend trip or dinner date (those still happen though! We usually just bring her along with us now!)

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Post # 8
2661 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I am 10 years into the motherhood thing.  I have done 4 years as a single mom (I am getting remarried in May).  I work full time and always have.  I have a 10 year old boy and a 6 year old girl.  I love them with all my heart and soul.  They are great kids.  I enjoy them and the positive of parenting outweighs the negative.  That said, it is really, really hard.  Both my kids are in school.  They are in activities.  I am always running.  I have very little time to myself.  It is SUPER expensive between child care and activities and saving for college and feeding them, ect.

Despite the time, expense, and general difficulty of parenting, it is still the best thing I have ever done.  Watching babies grow into people, and getting to help mold those people, is an incredible privilege and blessing.  Every day, I look and them and I wonder who will you be?  How can I help you to be kind and loving? What did I ever do to deserve this incredible journey.  It isn’t always easy, but it is always worth it, IMO.+

Post # 9
2661 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

BTW, while the physical care gets easier as they get bigger, the emotional care is much harder.  the problems faced by a pre-teen are more complex than those faced by a 2 year old.  I am a bit scared of the teen years and I am seriously glad I had a boy first.  My friends with pre-teen girls are scaring me to death with the hormone roller coaster they report!

Post # 10
2876 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 1998

ohnatto:  I feel like parenthood is a little sugar coated at times. It’s really hard work and as my boys are now 14&12 it’s really kicking my arse. It’s soooo much harder than I could have ever imagined. 

When they are little its so rewarding they just love you unconditionally. I really did enjoy these years. I can’t tell people enough to enjoy these special years because boy it different now.

However I still wouldn’t change it for the world:) 

Post # 11
7281 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

I’m answering from the perspective of parenting a teenager (he just turned 16 and we are entering the world of driving. oh my!)

did you go into motherhood really, truly knowing how it would change your life? Nope, I didn’t have a clue. I was the epitome of “young and dumb.”

If you HAD known, would you have made a different decision? The decision was never mine to make. Yay for parental consent laws. NOT. BUT, knowing everything I know now, I absolutely want to do it all over again, this time as a much more mature, self-sufficient, stable adult.

And do the positives of being a mother really overshadow all the negatives? Without a doubt, yes. Nothing in this world comes close to the emotional high you get when the school custodian approaches you just to tell you that your son is a “fine young man”. Nothing is more joyous than watching your child discover that one thing that makes his world complete (theater for my kid). Nothing is more simultaneously terrifying and rewarding than shaping a human being into a kind, self-sufficient, responsible person. I have published documents and created national policies that affect millions of people. I have given presentations to an audience of thousands. I have jumped out of a perfectly good airplane, ran a half marathon, enjoyed amazing scenery, etc., and not one of those things can top the experiencing of raising my child. The lows… they are really low. They are sobbing in a heap when you get life-changing negative news, frustrated beyond belief rage when your kid tells you he is “too busy” to do his homework, royally peeved when he lies to you for the hundreth time, lows. In a word, they suck. But the highs? They are magic.

Post # 12
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I’m posting to follow, Also mostly because I’m terrified of the thought alone of having a tiny human inside me, It seriously brings me to a level of anxiety I didn’t know I could reach. All the parenting stuff that comes after just makes me dizzy, so I need to hear some positive and honest words here!

Post # 13
166 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

My DH and I got pregnant on accident… My baby is now 5 months old! Literaly the 1st month I sat on the couch, this tiny beautiful person attached to my breast, and wonderd…”what the fuck did I do?!” 

I’ve loved her since the moment I knew she was inside of me and pregnancy was great/amazing!! But, that first month… I was not prepared! Lol I’ve never been so tired/scared/emotional/worried/happy in my entire life! I alone was responsible fo this gorgeous baby… and it felt like my life got ripped away from me!! I used to be that woman who slept 12hrs on the weekends and went shopping, did my hair everyday, worked and was ON TIME!!! Hahaha She came into my world and flipped us on our heads!

Then, about 3weeks in… It all changed! I held her in my arms and sobbed. She is the most perfect person… She’s never been mean, she’s never hurt anyone, and she’s so beautiful! She is my puzzle piece! She fit inside me, when I hold her she melts into my arms and snuggles against me… And just fits so perfectly in my arms.


I can honestly say, she is the best thing I’ve done/created/laid eyes on!! The best!! I have the option to sleep 12hrs a day… But I don’t, I choose to be with her. 


To answer the question, No. I had no clue what I was getting into. But, I wouldn’t change it for the world! She’s 5months, breasfeeding, learning to sit up, sleeps through the night, and is a joy!! An absolute amazing baby!! 


It must be chemical… The love I feel for her.. Even on our grumpiest, most tired, shitty day.. I love it! I literally would eat worms for her to smile at me!  

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