- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
I totally understand your concerns. Our situation is quite different. I am 33 yrs old and he is 25 yrs old. I have two boys from a previous marriage and they are in a great self-sufficient age. By self-suffient I mean there are no more late night visitors in our bed, they can heat things up in the microwave and our parents have absolutely no problem taking them for the weekend because they are no trouble ecept when they fight with each other. FI has basically helped me raise my youngest son so we are definitely enjoying our time alone when we have it right now. We have not decided yet if we want to have a child of our own or not. We would like to be able to spend a few years as a married couple and just enjoy our time together. Which is great, but we'll be married next year, I'll turn 34 shortly after and then my biological clock will be ticking.
Btw, I don't think it is selfish to want to enjoy your husband. I will tell you this, after you have a baby things are going to change and they will change for the next 20 years at least. Yes, we love having a weekend or in the summertime sometimes weeks alone, but it typically does not allow for travel unless it is with them. I even scheduled my wedding around their spring break so my mom could watch them. I would not trade my babies for the world! Just be aware if what you want is to travel and stuff like that, imo its best to some of it before you have children. That way you don't feel like you missed out on it.
Since we plan on starting in June 2010 to try to get pregnant (not by choice, my uterus has decided it's going to go bezerk and the doc recommended it), it's a love-hate relationship. He's ready, but he's also older than me (he'll be 27) and has a lot more life experience (he's in the military, been deployed, etc) and I'll be 24. Eeek, right? I've told him i'm concerned i won't be elated when it does happen b/c i'm concerned about US and our married lif and that we won't get the two years together that we originally wanted to travel and be together before we add a baby to the mix. It's what we wanted, but life throws you curveballs. So we've talked about how we'll try to keep our relationship on top of the baby. We must take it to his mom's for date nights, etc, so we're going to try to make ourselves do that sort of stuff b/c it's good for us in the long run.
It's been really hard coming to grips with the reality of being forced to have children before I want them. I know he's excited, though, so hopefully that helps and maybe in a year i'll be more settled in my own life and it will feel more right. He knows I don't want to miss out on my mid-20's b/c we had kids, then turn around and go "wow....where'd my life go?" I know it's ok to feel that way, but I also know that life does not always go accordingly to plan.
We are torn as well. He'll be 40 in December and I'll be 33 in December. So kind of want to start trying right away because of our ages and because we both really want kids. We also kind of want to wait because I won't be finished with school for another year or so, and we'd like to do a little traveling, and be a little selfish and enjoy us time. So we are thinking about waiting a year but it's something we keep talking about so we may change our minds.
I'm torn because I have really starting thinking seriously about having kids right after the wedding. I'm 26, but my FI and I will have been together for almost 9 years by the time we get married and we both feel like its the right time. It's hard though because I know that eventhough we've been together for so long, married us will be different and we may want to enjoy the after glow of it all before we bring kids into the mix. I don't know what will happen, but it's definitly something that I've been thinking about a lot lately.
You ladies are making me feel so much better. I know there are people who are blessed to be able to have children and situations like above, where they are being forced into it (prayers and hugs for you ejs!!!), and some of us are lucky to be able to decide on our own (god willing). Its really stressing me out for some reason
I think it is kind of hard NOT to get baby fever and want to take the next step. Especially when you have found this wonderful man and you just want to continue to grow together. Our neighbors just had a baby this past weekend and we noticed the sign when we got back from the river. We went to congratulate them and FI says, "Don't go getting baby fever now" but he smiled that playful smile which makes me wonder...maybe he was telling himself. LOL I know for me, being that I already had kids, the thought of another baby again is pretty exciting, but I also remember the colic, the ear infections, potty training, etc. LOL
We are trying right away! I'm 37 and he's 40! So ... time is not on my side! But really ... I feel like we've been together for 18 months and have been living together for 12 months and have had a lot of "living" in that year! So I don't feel like I"m missing out on anything by having babies right away!
We are trying right away as well.
My FI is deployed now and may be deployed again in 2011. He is 35, I'm - oh my will be 30 by the time I'm married. He has said he doesn't want any children once he reaches 40 and I said no more for me by 34, so we're good there.
I also have a 8 year old that he has helped me raise the last couple years. Sometimes I feel bad b/c I really don't want to start all over with raising an infant, but realize it won't be like my previous relationship; he is more than willing to step in and help out.
I think the thing that makes me want to wait most is my brothers marriage. They've been married for almost 6 years and the last few have been very rocky. In one year, they bought a house in June, got married in September, my SIL's mother died in November, our mother died in December, and in March they found they were expecting (they were trying). Then in August, my brother graduated college. So they had one hell of a first year. So part of me thinks they should have taken a year to relax after that crazy, emotional year. And now that they have two toddlers and finances are tight these days (whose aren't?), things are pretty stressful in their marriage. I don't want that to happen to us.
But....I really really want a baby!
See? Torn.
I'm 33 and he's 31, so we will be starting TTC pretty quickly after we get married. And in case you don't know (I didn't either) TTC=trying to concieve.
This one is kind of tough..good post! The FI and I are 4 years apart in age...he'll be 29 when we get married and I'll alllllmost be 25. Thankfully, he isn't ready to start having kids, but I know he (and I as well) wants to have kids while he's still young. So, I feel as though there is a bit of a time crunch on me eventually. I am just now starting a Ph.D. program that lasts about 5 years...and I can't imagine becoming pregnant and having children while in the midst of it...I know I would end up not finishing the program if so...or else it would be verrrrry difficult. I haven't had a chance to actually do something with myself career-wise yet, and he knows I am not willing to give that up at the moment! So, I know that once I finish there might be a "hurry it up" mentality...but I'm hoping that I'll have it figured out when the time comes...
I'm a young'n, but figured I'd post too!
Background: Fiance will be coming up on 25 and I will be 22 by our wedding date.
I'm sort of glad that we found each other young and know we want to be together, so that we can go through our 20's together sans kids. I'm thinking we will have atleast 5 or more years just the two of us in married life which I am ready for! I think I would be sad if we didn't have atleast a few years of us only. Luckly both of our parents are very happy we want to wait a long time before kids!
Babies are stressful, it's ok to admit that! They poop, they scream, they wreak havoc...
I really think waiting tables for 4 years at a Ruby Tuesdays scarred me though. I had children throw food at me to get my attention, put cottage cheese on the window to doodle, spit food at their parents, demand things, etc. I met more mean children whose parents raised them poorly than I did well mannered children who said please and thank you (and i always told those parents i appreciated it! it means a lot to hear it from a stranger i think, ha!). I know it's the parents being bad and that area i waited tables in is notorious for tourists and white trash, but man....it was awful!
My parents waited 2 years before they decided to have me and they always say it was the greatest thing ever. Mom was 27 when she had me and dad was 32.
@Katiebug, I, too, am starting a graduate education program (my MSE and my MBA, eek) and it'll take me 3 years to finish. If you do the math, that means newborn while i'm studying, lol. I've made my husband swear up and down he won't complain about picking up the "slack". He will NOT be one of those dads that is all "oh we have to have them now! now now now!" then leaves me to do all the hard work. Sorry, babies are a two-way street buddy! I grew up in a very "traditional" household where the man brings home the bacon and the lady raises the babies.
As a person who got pregnant two months after her wedding, I say WAIT! :) It's hard! It's also not for the reasons you might think. Being pregnant is great and it basically gives you an extra long honeymoon period from "real married life." People were always bringing us dinner, buying us gifts {first grandkid on both sides and I'm an only child}. Everybody was overly happy and involved...then we had the baby and we were left on our own to figure it out. It was great, but we were also figuring out being married too and had we not reallllly liked each other and the baby...we wouldn't have made it. LOL Nobody should be getting a sitter for their first anniversary. :)
ejs4y8: haha! I too worked a job where the kids and parents traumatized me! I had a kid hit me with a ball (not a soft kiddy one either) and their parents LAUGHED and didn't say sorry! I've been puked and peed on too by strangers' children!
just a few of many many great things that happened!
We're waiting a couple of years. When we get married, I'll be 27 and he'll be going on 29. There are just some things I want to do before we have kids. My one stipulation is traveling to Asia (Thailand/Japan) and I just want to be able to enjoy our time together before kids come into the picture.
It's also important to me that we're more comfortable financially. I grew up poor and I hated it. I don't want the same for my kids.
Also, getting a two-bedroom in NYC will be a bit of a process! ;o)
reading all these baby posts isnt helping! (especially seeing MrsDumplings blog!) lol I'm almost hoping for an accident right now (but not on purpose or anything. taking my BC on time every day and such, but I know SOMETIMES people still get preggo). We've been married two months (though we've been living together for a little more than a year). For awhile I was ADAMENT about not having kids for another, idk 5 years maybe, probably 3 at the least? (I'm only 21, plenty of time, though hubby recently indicated that he may want to start trying to have a baby before 3 years). I want to finish school, I want both of us to have better, more stable jobs, and I was hoping to get some travel in (I so want to go to a tropical beach, and I have a feeling pre-baby body is the best time to do it lol). I also know we have no room in the apartment. Also, being a nanny, I truly understand how much time and attention a child needs and I'm not sure if I want to give up randomly going out to dinner or the movies yet. I also want to sleep in (I'm the type who needs her sleep and doesn't do mornings well lol)! But then I was seeing all these babies... So I'm in the same boat as you. I still want to be selfish and enjoy our life together, and I also know we have learning and growing to do ourselves since we're so young. But this "baby rabies" is trying to change my mind! I hope it phases out soon and doesn't come back until we're ready....
On the other side (I often play devil's advocate with myself), if we have kids early, we won't be old yet by the time they fly the coop so we can still enjoy our lives together once they're gone! (We'd be in our 40s if we had kids now and we assumed they'd stay fairly dependent until about 20 or so). I also want to have them spread out instead of close together, like 5 years apart, but I also don't really want to be in my 30s and getting preggo (because of the assumed 20 year dependency thing which I also dont kid myself and figure it will probably be longer than that lol).
But, on the other hand, I'm also very much afraid of the post-baby body. It hasn't treated my mom or aunts well... I'm very fearful of the dreaded flat mom butt! I don't know if it is my imagination, but my mom and aunts all have no butt at all and I'm pretty sure it happened post pregnancy. I like mine! (and so does hubby lol).
We'll both be 28 when we get married. I'd like to wait a couple of years before babies but we'll see how I feel a year from now. We're dealing with a lot of pressure from his two best friends who accidentally got their girlfriends pregnant. They both have kids now and are constantly pressuring us to join the party. Maybe I'm old fashioned but I kind of want the wedding before the kids. When I said to one of them that we were going to wait until after we got married to start trying he was like, "Great! Get started on the honeymoon!" FMIL also made some comment about us all taking a vacation in 2011 and then was like, "Oh but you might be pregnant by then!"
haha Bamboo. I've also been puked on, and I mean supremely puked on. not baby spit up, though I've had that too, and not just on my shoes or my hand or something. I'm talking about all down my chest, on my lap, and yes, even got on my shoes. ugh. I was afraid he was never going stop... but, I still loved him to pieces and didn't even gag once, nor drop him to the floor or even hold him way far away from me lol. He was a baby I was a nanny for, not even related to me. That's a good sign, right? lol (hmm, maybe thats TMI...)
we got married June 13th and during the honeymoon we decided that we wouldn't be trying...but we wouldn't be not trying either. In other words, I'd go off birth control and we'd just live our normal married lives.
Well, I'm a week late now and feel tired all the time but I'm waiting to take a test to next week. I'm thinking whoa that was fast. It took several months after my girlfriends went off the pill and they were trying! (Trying=having sex when you know you're ovulating). We just kept up with our normal "rountine" and wham now I may be pregnant. I guess I may end up being a pregnant newlywed.
My doc says the first month you're off your birth control you're the most fertile b/c your body compensates for the lack of hormones by going "yay no stopping me now!" and sending eggies galore to your uterus.
Not sure if it's 100% true, but she claims she has had LOTS of women get preggo in the first month, PrettyKitty! Let us know how it works! =]
I too am afraid of the post-baby body. Yiiiikes. I don't want to just go to hell in a handbasket and start sporting some mom jeans
We're definitely waiting at least a few years after we get married. In fact, we both agreed that we would be older parents because we do want to be selfish and have just each other and our dog for a while :) And I don't think that's a bad thing. We'll both be 26 when we get married.
I think we both feel like that though because both our parents got married really, really young and had babies right away, and we both saw how hard it was, especially with my mom getting a divorce shortly after. My FI's mom got married when she was 18, and had her first kid a few months after that, so those situations have really shown us there's no harm in waiting :)
We both want to travel a lot, too, and we're already planning our first year anniversary in Italy. And as someone said, we definitely don't want to hire a sitter!
We're not not trying now... I just turned 38 right before the wedding, so I know if we want a biological child it needs to happen in the next couple of years. We're just going to kind of wait and see what happens for a little while here, but at my age, we're talking months of leaving it up to chance, not years.
I don't know what the future holds for us in this regard, but we're just going to try and take it as it happens...
My situation is difficult. I am 21 and my fiance will be turning 31 mid August. My fiance had a vasectomy in his first marriage because his ex-wife was adamant about never having kids.
I want kids.
Now from what he's told me, a vasectomy is reversible but expensive and there's no guarantee "the soldiers" will be in working order since it will be a long time between the operation and the reversal.
Then there's the fact that I get excruciating, almost crippling, back pain during my periods. And my OBGYN did not make me feel any better when she said that it's how my uterus is tilted and that whatever I experience during periods will be what I experience in pregnancy, only worse.
Then there's the fact that we're broke and live in an apartment.
So there's all these factors in it, the longer we wait on the reversal the more risk we take but we need money for the reversal and we won't have any after the wedding. Then after we save the money for a reversal we need money for a house and so on and so forth.
It's very discouraging.
And it will be heart breaking if we save up the money for a reversal and then all we get are blanks.
I know we can adopt but I want the whole deal. I want the cute maternity tops and the countless doctor appointments and the baby showers and all that :) :)
But it's just a matter of what works out for us.
We are going to try for a honeymoon baby! Lucky for us if mother nature decides to follow my 28 day cycle (which it usually does) I will be ovulating 3 out of the 7 days we are on our honeymoon. My family is fertile mertle (two sis's of mine got pregnant on birth control) I am hoping it won't be a problem. Fortunally for my aunt flo comes the same time every month so I am very normal and can pretty much predict myself when I will be ovulating.
I am almost 32 so I have been ready just looking for the right person, he is 27 and would of have kids yesterday if we could. My doggies might not be too happy about their mommy being pre-occupied for 9 months.
My FH and I will be 23 when we get married, he will be almost 24. We both have good jobs now but want to transfer to another state (hopefully texas) and buy a house there before we have children. That being said, we also want to have children when we are young, so our goal is to be married for 1-2 years and then start trying :)
I've always been planning to have children right around 30. when we ger married, I will have just turned 27 and FI will be almost 30 but I am trying to balance my career at the same time. I will have a little over a year left of my Phd. program and know I don't want kids until I'm done. However, I worry, I'll finish at 29, start a new job and then be ready for kids. We also plan on moving after i finish and I almost feel like it would be nice to have kids before looking for a job, but taking 2-3 years off (I don't want to send an infant to day care) may hurt my chances of landing a good job if I am removed from the recent research (and after all these years of school I want a good job). I want to be married for a couple of years before kids and since we live together now, we are taking advantage of the fact that we do not need to worry about anyone else and traveling a lot. At the same time, I don't want to be older parents and realize that 30 seems like the happy medium to have kids and be able to enjoy your 20s and then enjoy your retirement without children at home. I am the oldest of 3 children with my youngest sibling 8 years my junior. I see my parents just sending him off to college now and know I don't want such a difference in my children. Two blonde babies, close in age please, twins would be super cute but not with our gene pools (blonde is a long shot).
P.S. When I reread this, it sounds like I am just trying to fit children into my life but I promise, I really do want to have kids and enjoy being around children, I'm just trying to share my logic.
I am torn as well.
On one hand, I'm in my mid 30s and he is in his mid 40s so time is not on our side.
On the other, we don't live together now (although we are in the same city and see each other a ton) so I feel that it would be good to have a year to adjust to each other before adding pregnancy and a baby into the mix.
I talked to one of my best friends who is a single OB/GYN in her mid 30s and she encouraged me to settle into the marriage first and then try. She seems to think I've got a few years before it's panic time but she did acknowledge everybody's body is differently and you don't know until you try. However, I'm more worried about his age than mine.
My parents were 24 and 30 when I was born and one of the best things in my life has been having a relationship/friendship with them as an adult. I just get scared our kids might miss out on that.
We will be trying immediately after we get married. We both want kids really bad and I'm not getting any younger!! I will be 36 when we get married! We've done so much together already that we don't see it as we need more time to ourselves before we start a family. It won't stop us from going places whether we take them with us or leave them with family. We are both just really ready to be parents and just hope that we will be able to start a family sooner rather than later!! I think it just depends on where you are in life.
We're going to wait for at least 3 years. I'll be 29 and he's 28 when we're married so 32ish seems like a good age. I love kids, but to be honest I'm just not ready to "plan" for one. I mean, if sh!t hits the fan and I some how end up preggo, that's fine. But BC is my friend.
We're going to wait for at least 3 years. I'll be 29 and he's 28 when we're married so 32ish seems like a good age. I love kids, but to be honest I'm just not ready to "plan" for one. I mean, if sh!t hits the fan and I some how end up preggo, that's fine. But BC is my friend.
Funny, I just discussed this on another post. We're starting RIGHT after the wedding! God willing that is. Lots of people have said that's dumb. Spend time being married, but we've been together for 6 years, we've lived together for 5, we've traveled and finished school... we've done a lot! And we're just ready. We even talk about babies names regularly lol. We're silly.
im glad other people think about this kind of thing..im only 21 and will be getting married in June. I actually had a miscarrage 1 year before, and now constantly think about babies, it drives me nuts. i would like to try for a baby after a year or so after getting married, mainly because i want us both to have stable jobs, save a bit to provide for a child.
We will be trying very soon afterwards I hope, we have talked about it and agreed on this but, who knows what could happen between now and then, my life is a little crazy like that, nothing goes as planned so I guess we will wait and see what the future brings us.
DF and I have been together for over 6 years, it will be seven when we actually get married. We have had a house with a mortgage for 3 years already. When we get married he will be 31 and I will be a month away from 30. We are essentially married already and as well as getting married because we love each other, it is also to start a family. We have already been for genetic counselling and advised to start trying ASAP.
As soon as the wedding is over we will start trying.
I will be 28 and him 31 by the time we are married and we plan on starting after honeymoon. I've always wanted our first child before I'm 30 for a whole host of reasons, most personal. The FI & I will be dating almost 10 years by the time we're married. Gosh we're more married than most married couples right now! So I really don't see us as missing out on "married life" by trying for kids immediately after marriage. But like I said we've been together for close to 10 years and have been "married" in our eyes and our family's eyes for a while. So it's different for us.
We'll probably start trying about 6 months after the wedding. He'll be 37 and I'll be almost 30. I also have a family history of spinal cord abnormalities, so I don't want to add age to my list of risk factors. We'll have been together close to 5 years at that time with stable careers and ives, so it makes sense. But I think it all depends on where people are in their lives.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
reading a post about baby-fever (or as Mrs. Spring puts it - baby rabies lol) I got to wondering. Do you think you are almost missing out on married life by expecting so close to the wedding? I am torn here. We do have baby fever, but in another sense, I want to be a bit selfish and enjoy being married and traveling, etc for a year or so... What are your opinions out there?
Please note I am not trying to start controversy. Im just curious as to what others thoughts on this are as the responses to the baby fever post were so varied.