- 9 years ago
I definately don’t want this to sound judgemental, i think its just a juxtaposition of my husband and I’s views versus my friend and her husband. Heres the situation…My friend and her husband ( and we are close friends by the way, shes not just an aquantance and I love her to death and wish her the best) recently found out they are pregnant. They have been married less than a year. Of course the first thing i did when she told me was be insanely excited for her and tell her a huge congratulations. That being said I WAS surprised to learn they were actually trying to get preggo. My friend is younger than me by a bit (not such an age difference our friendship is weird or anything. We had a common interest and were both studio photographers for the same company- she is insanely gifted by the way and extremelly mature for her age). That being said. She is currently unemployed and her husband, while a really nice guy, does not make much money (okay , yes, i am aware money doesn’t make happiness) I recently went to visit her (hand’t seen her since our wedding) at her and her hubby’s apartment. I was, and this isn’t to sound ugly, but appauled by their living situation and scared for her to be there by herself all the time. I would NEVER say this to her face. I am sure that is all they can afford right now and frankly in this economy a lot of people are just lucky to have a job at all and roof over their heads. But this place was not nice. I thought that the 1bdrm apt my hubby had when i first met him was bad but this place made it look like the Ritz. I went and stayed with her while her husband was out partying with his brother till 3am. While we were there alone some weirdo comes and knocks at the door- obviously intoxicated- and asks if he can use the bathroom. We never opened the door- obviously but frankly it was scary. There is mold in the bathroom and the place has a serious infestation issue. I feel bad for her and I am worried about her and the baby. She says they are saving up to get a nicer apartment in august but i don’t think its healthy or safe for her or the baby to be living in the situation they are. I can’t say anything about it. She is from a family that is not poor by any means so i KNOW she realizes how bad her living situation is. I don’t want to hurt her, or make her feel like i am being judgemental. I am soo thrilled for her and i know how excited she is about the pregnancy. I told my husband when i got home about it and now he is insisting if i go visit he drive me and walk me to her door because he knows how bad the area she lives in is. All I can do is be supportive of her but do you ever just feel guilty? I think i feel guilty because we (my husband and I ) are very blessed, we have great jobs, live in an awesome and very safe safe neighborhood ( half our neighbors are cops), we have a beutiful newer home and yet we are not in any hurry to have babies. IN fact we will probably be waiting 6-8 years ( we are mid twenties). I just feel guilty i guess because i don’t know, like i’m selfish for wanting to wait even though in comparison we are a lot better off. I know i just shouldn’t be making the comparison because we are not the same people. Maybe its even a little jealousy. Not like I actually think i’m ready for a baby but maybe just that I’m jealous of everything that surrounds it? Ugh…sorry to ramble. just needed to get all this off my chest.