Post # 1
Ok I don’t really know where to start with this. Basically I have been with my husband for just over 6 years and we got married in October this year. I have always known I want children some day, in the future, but have never felt like I want them right then, if that makes sense? Anyway, I have a few reproductive based health problems like recurrent ovarian cysts and suspected endometeriosis. Furthermore, my mother and grandmother both went through menopause really early (ages 28/29). As a result of all this I had a chat with my dr 18 months ago who said if I wanted to be sure of having children I really ought to be doing something about it and her advice would be to do it within 12 months. That 12 months ran out in Aug 2013 because I still didn’t feel ready (and wanted to be married 1st). So now I am married but still don’t feel ready. However I am fast approaching 26 and I am terrified that if I wait I will miss the chance altogether which would be absolutely devestating. I definately want children but just not yet but I know that might be tough luck! My dr saod there is no way of knowing what will happen. I could go through menopause tomorrow or I could be fine til I am 35 she can’t tell me. I guess my brain is still thinking the ‘it won’t happen to me’ mentality. Sorry for the length of this but desperate for some advice. We don’t own our own house but are saving for one. We both work and earn okay money. What should we do?
Post # 3
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@rambini: That’s rough. If you know you really want children and your doctor encouraged you to do it sooner rather than later based on fertility issues (endo is bad), then I would go ahead and TTC ASAP. It will probably take a few months to conceive and then you’ll still have another 9 months before the baby is born. My MIL waited too long to try for a second after my husband and by then the endo was too bad for her to conceive.
Post # 4
@rambini: That’s a tough situation to be in! Sorry that I can’t help your decision with respect to suspected cysts and endometriosis, but there is something you can do to try to help predict premature ovarian failure (i.e., early menopause). There is a blood test you can take which measures AMH (anti-mullerian hormone). It isn’t free – it cost me about $100 I think. But it is very useful because AMH is increasinly being used as an indicator of ovarian reserve (high ovarian reserve means that you wouldn’t be considered high risk for going into early menopause). While it isn’t a guarantee, that might be a test that would at least help you know how worried you should be about having early menopause like your mother/grandmother? Maybe you could ask your doctor about it? Good luck with your decision!
Post # 5
@PeachBee: ooh that sounds interesting. I live in the UK so not sure if it is available here on the NHS but certainly worth asking about – thanks! 🙂
Post # 6
This is tough and really only you and your husband can make the decision. However, I know that if it were me I would go for it. You said you definitely want children and it could take a while to concieve. You would be surprised how fast baby fever takes over everything once it sets in. Who knows, maybe just start NTNP and see what happens.
Post # 7
Thanks for your advice so far. It is a really rubbish situation. I feel like I have so much more living to do before committing to children but equally when I look to my future I cant imagine it without children and @MrsMath I know you are right that once it happens i will be totally thrilled and excited! Just a scary prospect!
Post # 8
@rambini: If it makes you feel any better, I don’t know a lot of people who were/are 110% READY! I think it’s more common to imagine all the things you CAN’T do, v. those things that will positively change.
Even while pregnant, I’m still nervous about the future. Since you do have issues, it could honestly take years to even get pregnant. I would start to prepare youselves if this is something you want in life.
Post # 9
Have you considered freezing some embryos? I honestly have never looked into the costs involved but I feel like if you guys can afford it, it might be the best chance for you two to have biological children on a timeline that feels right for you both.
Post # 10
I’m not sure if there is anywhere on the nhs that does AMH, but i have heard that there are some universities and research hospitals that are looking for guinea pigs for research if you could find one near you.
Post # 11
We were told to start having babies right away as well – especially since it requires 6 months to one year of TTC before you can get referred to a specialist. I had some reproductive medical concerns (possible PCOS, possible endometriosis, fibrioids, etc…) along with AMA which prompted doctors advice. I was more ready then DH. We have been together 6 years, married Fall of 2012. We started trying in Nov 2012 and got pregnant in 2 months. Lost the baby, tried again a few months later, got pregnant right away and we are due next month. We used OPT.
DH is still not 100 percent ready, a point of contention with us these days. The only thing I can say is that you never really know what fate has in store for you. Collect as much information as you can – I believe there are tests to evaluate FSH levels and other indicators of premature menopause. Once you have enough information, evaluate your risk, determine your priorities and act with your gut. Once you make a decision, dont look back on the “what if’s” – i.e. what if we’d have waited, what if we’d started earlier. All you can do is make the best decision for you given the information at hand and then leave it up to God, fate or whatever you believe in.
Post # 12
@rambini: why not freeze your eggs?