Baby and Family venting…

posted 2 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 2
Member
7281 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

Families can be such pills! I’m sorry you are stressed by this. Just remember, your ONLY duty is to make yourself, your husband, and your LOs happy. That’s it. Everyone else is responsible for their own happiness and contentedness, too. Their issues are their issues, not yours. I’m not advocating rudeness. I’m simply encouraging you to keep standing your ground in the face of emotional bullying and manipulation. It sounds like your SIL is a fantastic ally, and will be able to create a party environment where you feel comfortable. She’s a keeper! You and DH are on the right path in expressing your needs and advocating for them. Your respective families can either shape up and behave in regards to who you tell, when you tell them, and who is invited to the party hosted by good SIL, or they can go sit in the corner and pout. Their choice. Not your problem.

That said, if your Mother or MIL do end up planning separate parties, be a gracious guest of honor. Whether the party is really for you, or more to stroke their own egos, is a moot point. Go, put a smile on your face, and try to have the best time possible. It may not be your idea of how to spend a day, but an unwanted baby shower is probably not the battle to choose.

Post # 4
Member
1892 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

1) tell your mother YOU will tell WHO YOU WANT WHEN YOU WANT. I would be firm about it. I’m going to give a stern lecture to both sides saying it’s OUR news to share with people, so they better not tell anyone.

 

2) it’s YOUR shower. If mil or even mother are not happy with the # for guest list then they don’t have to attend, especially if they are going to be drama/stress starters.

Post # 5
Member
1147 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

missjewels:  I didn’t have a babyshower. My bridal shower was a sh*t show that included me crying and having a panic attack. When I got pregnant i vowed to be less stressed and not have a shower – all of the players/party planners would be the same, just different occasion, i could not expect a different outcome. So no party. My sister was pissed because i was depriving her of the honor of throwing me a party, blah blah blah… and that she wouldn’t be able to buy her niece a gift if i didn’t have a babyshower. What the heck? I did not want the stress. The people that wanted to give us gifts did so w/out us having a shower. After we sent out birth announcements we’ve been flooded with unexpected gifts. So generous and kind – and no party stress for the mama to be!

Post # 6
Member
7281 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

missjewels:  When someone throws a party in your honor, the gracious and mature thing to do is oblige with your attendance. There’s setting boundaries about the party you do have influence over, and then there is handling with grace the things you do not have control over in life, like other people throwing a party in your honor. Hopefully it won’t actually come to that. Hopefully they will both go along with the party planned by SIL and keave it at that. Fingers crossed.

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