Post # 1
I just needed to get this off my chest…feel free to share your thoughts.
I am barely into my second trimester and my mother is hounding me wanting to know when I will tell certain people. If I tell someone she doesn’t approve of before someone she does approve of (as in told my husbands brother and wife) she pitched a fit saying I MUST RIGHT NOW tell my own brother…never mind I want to do it in person etc.
The baby showers are already a headache. My mother wants to do one with only 9 people…in my brothers home (with my sister in law) but she hasn’t asked them. Just asssumed. Sister in law is not cool with this and wants it elsewhere…drama ensues.
My mother in law is overbearing and I have arranged for my other sister in law (DH brothers wife) to host that side because she listens to me and if i say I want a small intimate shower she will ask for a guestlist. At my bridal shower my mother in law hosted there were people I never met, and walked past me asking who the bride was. I did not want this again. Mother in law found out that baby shower would be smaller and insisted on inviting these members of her family ebhind my back and not telling me…my good sister in law promptly told her not going to happen.
So its just kind of blowing up even though it is months away…I am at the point I don’t want one. Once people expect things of me I very much want them to screw off…you should not expect things or an adult and then punish them through anger or fights if they say no in a polite way. I am not a child.
My good sister in law said she will host both sides…but that means we have to cut, mainly DH side. So he made the list of who he would want there…its great just those people we see often leaving off the ones we barely see. With both sides its 14 people which is perfect, less stressful for me and just 1 shower and not 2. Problem? I just know shit will hit the fan cause mother in law already took issue with only 12 of her side…now I am cutting (DH actually is) to 6 (host which is her daughter in law, her mother, her, her sister in law, her niece her best friend who is like an aunt to DH). My side gets 6 and 2 girlfriends.
I just want everyone to kind of screw off and just be happy and not try to control things!
This topic was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by missjewels.
Post # 2
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
Families can be such pills! I’m sorry you are stressed by this. Just remember, your ONLY duty is to make yourself, your husband, and your LOs happy. That’s it. Everyone else is responsible for their own happiness and contentedness, too. Their issues are their issues, not yours. I’m not advocating rudeness. I’m simply encouraging you to keep standing your ground in the face of emotional bullying and manipulation. It sounds like your SIL is a fantastic ally, and will be able to create a party environment where you feel comfortable. She’s a keeper! You and DH are on the right path in expressing your needs and advocating for them. Your respective families can either shape up and behave in regards to who you tell, when you tell them, and who is invited to the party hosted by good SIL, or they can go sit in the corner and pout. Their choice. Not your problem.
That said, if your Mother or MIL do end up planning separate parties, be a gracious guest of honor. Whether the party is really for you, or more to stroke their own egos, is a moot point. Go, put a smile on your face, and try to have the best time possible. It may not be your idea of how to spend a day, but an unwanted baby shower is probably not the battle to choose.
Post # 3
lovekiss: Can’t I just say “I appreciate the thought but I decline your request to hold a party in my honour”…just saying…why do I have to go somewhere I don’t want to for their sake. I can decline a party being held in my honour to just please them…
Post # 4
1) tell your mother YOU will tell WHO YOU WANT WHEN YOU WANT. I would be firm about it. I’m going to give a stern lecture to both sides saying it’s OUR news to share with people, so they better not tell anyone.
2) it’s YOUR shower. If mil or even mother are not happy with the # for guest list then they don’t have to attend, especially if they are going to be drama/stress starters.
Post # 5
missjewels: I didn’t have a babyshower. My bridal shower was a sh*t show that included me crying and having a panic attack. When I got pregnant i vowed to be less stressed and not have a shower – all of the players/party planners would be the same, just different occasion, i could not expect a different outcome. So no party. My sister was pissed because i was depriving her of the honor of throwing me a party, blah blah blah… and that she wouldn’t be able to buy her niece a gift if i didn’t have a babyshower. What the heck? I did not want the stress. The people that wanted to give us gifts did so w/out us having a shower. After we sent out birth announcements we’ve been flooded with unexpected gifts. So generous and kind – and no party stress for the mama to be!
Post # 6
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
missjewels: When someone throws a party in your honor, the gracious and mature thing to do is oblige with your attendance. There’s setting boundaries about the party you do have influence over, and then there is handling with grace the things you do not have control over in life, like other people throwing a party in your honor. Hopefully it won’t actually come to that. Hopefully they will both go along with the party planned by SIL and keave it at that. Fingers crossed.