Post # 1
Ok bees… here’s one for ya: My good friend is having a baby in late April. My bachelorette weekend is in late June (the location is a surprise to me, but I think it’s at my bridemaid’s family’s beach house in NJ). Anyway, my friend “asked” me, not so much as announced, that since she’ll have a two month old, she’s going to have her husband get a hotel room near wherever we’re staying so she can spend time with the baby. I was NOT happy to hear this, but before I could open my mouth, she said “I told my husband this wouldn’t bother you, and I’m really going to need some time with the girls.” Apparently her husband tried to tell her that it wasn’t an appropriate plan (“Guys would never go for something like that”), but she ignored him.
Let me say that I totally understand that it’s difficult for a brand new mother to be separated from her baby, and I also get that she doesn’t want to miss out on the bachelorette stuff. I really would love for her to be there because we’ve been friends for a long time; I was a bridesmaid in her wedding and planned her entire bachelorette party a couple of years ago. (She’s not a bridesmaid in my wedding because I have two sisters, and she isn’t helping to plan the party.)
Anyway, I’m upset about this… I love my friend, but I know she loves to be the center of attention, and I fear that it’s going to end up being the “look at my baby!” show instead of my time with my closest friends. I’ve been looking forward to it for so long! Also, I have to admit that I am not a “baby person”– I don’t feel especially comfortable around babies, and my fiance and I are pretty sure we aren’t going to have children. This is well-known among my friends. Plenty of people who would be cool with having the baby around, but my friend should know that I’m not one of those people. In fact, I’m a little insecure about not loving babies the way my friends do, so it complicates this situation even more. Do I look like the bitchy, baby-hating friend if I say something? She didn’t give me an opportunity to say anything with her immediate “I knew you wouldn’t mind!” That, on top of “I’m really going to need time with the girls”, made me feel manipulated, like she was basically guilting me into agreeing.
I need advice! This friend is sensitive and used to being the center of attention. How do I talk to her about this? And if I don’t say anything, does this even sound like a feasible plan? What is she thinking?
Post # 3
Sounds to me like she is planning to have husband and baby nearby, not actually bringing baby to girls time. Mommas need to be near their child at that age, don’t sweat it!
Post # 4
while i think it is weird and this girl needs to accept the fact that having a baby means you can’t do certain things, i agree with double0bride, doesn’t sound like she’s actually going to be bringing the baby along. however, if i were you, i would verify this with her.
Post # 5
@double0bride: I want to believe that’s true, but I know this friend, and I have a strong suspicion that she will be bringing the baby over to show him off, or moping while we’re supposed to be having a good time. (This is the same friend who, in the middle of her own bachelorette party, called her then-fiance and demanded that he come to the bar to give her a kiss or she was going to call off the wedding. Those of us who had spent a lot of time and money planning a girls-only party were none too happy. That’s the kind of drama I’m worried about!)
Post # 6
Personally, I don’t find it weird. She wants fun time with her friends (which can be great after having a baby) but she also doesn’t want to be away from her baby for days at a time. Something I can understand, since I’m a mom of two.
My the time my son (my first born, btw) was two months old, I was working again (6 weeks off then back to work, ugh) and yeah, being away changes things, but I wouldn’t have wanted to be away from him for days.
Having her husband and baby at a hotel nearby isn’t a big deal, as long as the baby isn’t at the events/parties. Double check with her and make sure she’s leaving the baby behind, which to me it sounds like she’s planning on doing.
Post # 7
Well, the good news is, if you go to a bar, baby won’t be allowed in!
With the extra info, I can understand your concerns. And maybe baby will show up here and there if it’s a weekend thing with daytime activities. I’d talk to her and emphasize how great it is that her husband is going to look after baby as much as possible, hint hint!
That said, it’s a pretty big deal for most mom’s to get a hotel for a weekend and leave their newborn alone for some periods of time. I’d be appreciative that she’s making the effort, it’s clear that your bachelorette is important to her too!
Good luck, I hope it works out drama free!
Post # 8
If the kid will be staying at a nearby hotel with her husband and not making an appearance at your party then whatever but under no circumstances should her child be at your party. This is your bachelorette, it’s not about her.
I, too, am not a fan of babies and everyone knows it. If someone tried to bring an infant to my bachelorette party (or wedding for that matter), I would have an issue with it.
Post # 9
@MrsScottie: I disagree with the others and find this very weird and inappropriate. If she doesn’t want to be away from the baby for that long she should bow out gracefully and not go. It will be very strange to be relaxing and enjoying a day at the beach house, while her husband and baby are holed up in a hotel room nearby.
As for the awkwardness of talking to her about it…. I don’t know. Do you have any mutual friends that could say something?
Post # 10
I think it’s strange too. I would talk to her and tell her that you think it’s not appropriate. There could be all kinds of issues and honestly, I love babies, but at a bachlorette weekend I would think she was nutty and wonder why she didnt’ just stay home. I know that may sound harsh, but an 8 week baby shouldn’t be staying in a germy hotel either in my opinion.
Post # 11
I would talk to her and tell her that you feel like the bachelorette weekend is just for “us girls” and you are sure she understands, since her bachelorette party was the same (and you organized it for her.)
Post # 12
It sounds like she is trying to compromise so she can be there for your weekend. There’s no way I would have left my daughter at 2 months for a weekend. If she is breastfeeding she would need to pump every few hours, that would put a huge damper on the weekend. Are you wanting her to leave the baby behind completely or would you understand if she just didn’t go at all?
Post # 13
Honestly, if it were me, I would prefer it if she not even come. No offense to any moms b/c I AM a mom…but that’s just weird. She is not in the bridal party, is not helping to plan the event, so if she can’t be away from her daughter for the weekend…she should just not be away. I think it’s wrong of her to impose on your weekend b/c SHE needs some time with the girls. It’s not really about her, she had her bachelorette weekend where I am sure nobody was running in and out of to check on their kids. To have her husband and child “holed” up in a hotel so she could attend a bachelorette party?? Yep…weird.
Post # 14
Honestly, its not until April. She may not even want to go anyways. The first couple months after I had my son I honestly didnt want to go out much. I loved just hanging at home with him and my husband. She really doesnt know what will be going on at that time. If you are still worried that she might bring her baby and are uncomfortable with the idea just let her know.
Post # 15
Well, I’m kind of biased I guess. If my sister’s plan happens, she’ll be engaged soon and we’ll probably be planning the bachelorette for a month or two after I give birth. No way would I leave my baby for a full weekend. I don’t know what we’re going to do about that yet, but the one thing I do know is that I’m not leaving my baby for a weekend. (We always do weekend trips for our bachelorette parties).
As long as her husband and baby aren’t participating, I think it’s fine to have them near. She can go off and see them when she wants. If you’re really worried, I would just let her know that you want to keep your party adult girls only. That way she won’t bring her husband and baby around you guys, but she can still see her baby.
Post # 16
I think it’s definitely an unusual situation. If you’re uncomfortable with a baby at your party, I would be honest and tell her so. Say it’s fine if she needs to leave the girl time periodically to spend time with the baby, but make sure she knows that you won’t be making special arrangements for her to do so. You can even soften things by saying something like, “I know this kind of stuff is a lot harder when you have a little one, so if you feel like you can’t leave your baby to be here, I understand and we’ll miss you.” It sounds like she’s really trying to work out a way to be there for you and still be close to her baby (understandable for a first time mom)