Post # 1
Wasnt sure if this was the place to post this, but I’ve always loved thesupportive nature of all of the bee’s so here goes nothing!
I am a newly married woman! The wedding was perfect and I has been pretty wonderful since. Except for one thing. I have incredible baby blues right now. I’ve had this off and on before we were married but I’ve always wanted to wait until I was married to have kids so I’ve pushed it to the side and now but with the wedding over with I can’t get baby off the brain. The hubby and I have been together over five years. We are financially and emotionally stablebenign to have a child but we are young (22 & he will be 23 soon). Women on my side of thefamily have always taken a while to conceive and my mother, grandma and great grandmother all went through menopause early (my mom started menopause at age 30). Husband and I wantEd to have three little ones, god willing, and I’m afraid if we don’t start soon the chances of that will dwindle more and more. Sounds like we should start right away right? Here is the kicker. Earlier this year we bought a home and my husband woath graduating college. He had been excepted into the masters program and had a full ride and the university, with little notice, pulled the program. The closest college that offers the same masters is an hour away and he can’t start until the fall of 2013. Here’s our dilemma. Having him go to shook and working here was onething but the prospect of him commuting all that way multiple times a week and still working full time is freaking us both out. He doesnt want to miss out on everything because he’d be so far away and I totally understand. He also wanted to get his doctorate which is also only offered at that same university which is even more time added to this same dilemma.
I need opinions. In this situation would you wait for him to get done with school even with the possibility that having children may be a more difficult venture? Would you have children while hubby is in school and hope things work oit and that he’s home more than we thought or should we try and have children now and wait on school. I wish I wasn’t so afraid that I would follow the same family history cycle because this decision would be so much easier. I’m bummed 🙁
Post # 3
I apologize in advance for spelling blunders and such. I posted this from my iphone and I was having a terrible time with it, so I’ve now switched to the computer. hahah
Post # 4
Another downside, husbands mother is super against us having kids right away. My family would be delighted to no end. My MIL also waited until she was in her late 30’s to have children. TO EACH THEIR OWN, but I think it’s making it harder for us (especially my husband) to make a decision knowing that she’s so against it…
Post # 5
In my opinion, if you are emotionally and financially able to care for a baby, then it is completely up to you. It sounds like you would have good support from your family which is very important. Unless you are going to depend on your MIL for money or child care, she does not get a vote. I also think once you are actually pregnant or the little one is born, that things will turn around and she will be very happy to be a grandmother.
If I were you, I would spend 3-6 months getting into a very healthy routine, taking prenatals, storing as much money as possible, and if on BC- stop taking it and let cycles regulate (use condoms). Then I would start trying to conceive. You have to do what is right for you. There are plenty of young moms out there who do great. It sounds like you have a great relationship.
ETA- as for the college thing, there is always going to be SOMETHING in the way… so I wouldn’t let that stop me. If it was YOU and not your husband that was in school I might think differently, but I think the situation you described is totally doable.
Post # 6
I was in a similar situation. We had the house and the jobs to support a child. I realyl wanted one in the next few years, but I was worried due to family history of infertility and my own personal issues with PCOS. We decided to NTNT after our wedding and see if anything happened. I spoke with my Endocrinologist and she said that at our ages (25 and 27) it wasn’t cause for infertility concerns until a year of trying did not work. Well all that worrying was for nothing because we got pregnant the first month of trying! Was it earlier than we expected? Yes! Are we scared? Yes! But we are so excited for this baby to come this October and realized that like Schatzie821 said, you will never be totally “ready.” Good luck 🙂
Post # 7
Thanks so much, gUys! I really appreciate the input!
Post # 8
I feel like there is never a ‘right’ time because something will always be going one or people are always waiting for just one more thing. My husband and I decided to just go for it, even though I’m on disability waiting for a diagnosis (maybe epilepsy, or some other brain thing). Who knows what else it will be after that. Waiting for a promotion? Move into a bigger house? We got pregnant really quickly and are so excited! My doctors are supportive and see no potential ricks with this pregnancy. Do what is best for you and your husband. Only you guys knows what is best.
Post # 9
Maybe you should wait until the schedule actually becomes a reality to make this decision.
I do agree with the above posters: there really is no “ideal time” to have a baby. There will always be complications in life–and even if there WERE there certainly will be complications raising kids!
Post # 10
Well. I do understand your wanting to have kids soon because of fertility issues. But you need to ask, is it fair to DH? He won’t be home at all really. He won’t see the first steps or first word or first crawl. He will realize every week that his child is changing and he isn’t there to witness it. He’s also going to be busy at home with schoolwork.
How many do you want? Maybe you could have one now to just have one and get started, then have more when DH can be there too.
Post # 11
My husband started his Master’s the same month we found out we were pregnant with our first child; he finished two years later, right when I became pregnant with our second child and I started my Master’s program. Up until 4 months ago, we also both worked full-time. To be honest, it’s hard. There are definitely times I think we could have waited until we were both done with school, and our lives would be much easier. On the hand, even when it’s tough, I do believe it was the right time for us to have kids. In the short-term, it’s hard, but in the long-term, it’s the best timing.
I think it’s important to look at your overall long-term goals. If your husband wants to complete his doctorate, he’ll be “in school” for another 5 or so years, but he might not have a stable career for a while after that, depending on his field. You might also want to speak to your health provider about what you can expect, fertility-wise, and maybe talk to your husband about what (if any) alternatives you may be comofrtable with, if you are unable to concieve. Sometimes you have to make short-term sacrifices in order to realize those long-term goals. 🙂 Good luck! I hope you figure it out!