Post # 1
It’s our first baby. We have all of the things on our wish list already purchased/claimed by us, our families or a close friend. This includes stroller, car seat(s), crib, bottles, etc. So basically, we really don’t need anything else.
We’ve had a few people offer to throw us a baby shower but we just don’t think that they understand the cost of how much it’ll likely end up being because we think the guest list is fairly extensive, especially because we would want a coed shower. We believe it will be somewhat of a financial burden on the people who have offered.
As such, DH and I are thinking of hosting a “baby celebration” ourselves and covering the costs ourselves. We really would prefer not to have a traditional shower because we already have everything we need and I’m not really into these types of things. We’re really only thinking about throwing something because everyone really wants something.
So my questions are:
1) Is this weird to have a baby celebration hosted by the parents rather than a baby shower hosted by a third party? There will be no mention of a registry.
2) Is it weird to actually note in the invitation something like, “Just your presence is gift enough for us! We have received absolutely everything we could need for the new arrival.”
3) If you saw something like that (#2), would you still (a) give a boxed gift such as clothes, toys, etc. or (b) give cash or (c) show up empty-handed?
(We don’t care about the gifts, but if they must show up with something, I would rather it be cash than boxed gifts because truly, we are at capacity for space!)
Post # 3
@lilbluebird: I’ve been to a “baby bash” before, which was basically a co-ed “baby shower” barbeque. Although they didn’t ask for any gifts, everyone brought something. It was really fun!
Post # 4
@lilbluebird: I think your “baby celebration” would be perceived as you throwing a baby shower for yourselves, no matter how you word it.
I would let someone throw you a shower. I would let them dictate the terms of the shower. They are the hosts, not you.
If you don’t want physical gifts, have a talk with the hostess who can help spread the word that you have everything that you need to start out. She can suggest that the guests give gift cards, contibute to starting an education fund, give investment gifts (http://www.oneshare.com/ ), start a library etc.
Or. if you really don’t want gifts, or cash, she can ask each guest to bring a gift that you will donate to a women’s shelter.
Post # 5
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
I think it sounds great, note and all! Tbh I would probably bring a favorite kids book still. I am of the opinion that children can never have enough books.
Post # 6
@Soon2BMrsC21: Who hosted the baby bash? Did people bring a lot of boxed gifts? This is what worries me because we are short on space too so we really don’t need a lot of “stuff”.
@julies1949: I just feel bad asking people to spend hundreds of dollars on a shower for us which I know that they are cash-strapped. It’s something that DH and I can easily swing and budget for, but those that have generously volunteered probably cannot. A contribution to an education fund is an excellent idea and definitely more in line with what we would want, versus more “stuff”.
@lolot: Would you view it as we are hosting our own shower and being gift-grabby? I think books would likely be okay. I just didn’t want more “stuff”.
Post # 7
I’ve been to a Baby Bash before and it was awesome! Some people brought gifts (I did), but we were mostly there to meet the baby.
Post # 8
@lilbluebird: It was a few years ago, but I think it was hosted by the grandparents. It was for a second child and was moreso a “celebration” from what I remember. I don’t remember there being a ton of “boxed gifts”…a lot of clothes and some sentimental gifts– like a necklace with both of the childrens names on it, those little statues from hallmark, some smaller items, but nothing huge.
I like what someone else posted– maybe rather than asking for no gift, include in your invitation that your building a “baby library” and have everyone bring their favorite childrens book??
Post # 9
Ok, so I think everything you are doing is fine, except- if you don’t want gifts I would say “No gifts please.” Be honest, if you want gifts, then what you said (your idea about what to say) is fine, but then people will probably bring something anyway. Do you know what I mean?
We had a party for my Grandfather’s 80th and we said “No gifts please” and no one brought anything. I am just saying- that is what works if you mean it. I personally think if you are hosting it yourselves that is the only acceptable way to do this, etiquette wise. Otherwise, if you want cash and to risk getting random things- what your idea was will produce that.
I think it is a nice idea- were you planning to do it after baby arrives? I am REALLY not into showers, so we are thinking of having a “Meet and Greet” when LO is a couple months old and my parent’s would throw it, it would be catered, and we would play music (we are all musicians)- it would be more of a party than a shower!
Post # 10
you could through a “Last Pre-baby hoorah BBQ”
I think that inherently makes it less about baby and more about the friends coming you want to spend time with and people will be less likely to think its a baby shower-esque celebration and therefore probably wont bring much of a present since its a BBQ, not a baby celebration. Maybe indicate its a BYOB or a potluck so people will bring something for the BBQ.
Post # 11
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
@lilbluebird: no, as long as you emphasize the “no gifts” thing heavily, I wouldn’t think it was gift-grabby at all! (I am far from an etiquette snob tho.) I’d just be excited for a reason to BBQ or whatever with friends.
Post # 12
I think this sounds way better than a regular baby shower! i wouldn’t mention gifts at all and if someone asks where you’re registered, simply answer you have everything you need and come enjoy the food
Post # 14
@cbee: That’s good to know about your grandfather’s party. We are fine with “no gifts” but DH was concerned that even if we put that down, we’ll still end up with people bringing 10 outfits and 5 toys or something. I’m glad that you had success with this.
We are currently planning on doing this prior to the baby’s arrival because I really didn’t want a shower (financial burden + no need for “stuff”) but we have a lot of people expecting to attend something. It is unlikely we will do a meet and greet afterwards because EDD is right at the beginning of flu season and as first-time parents, we are paranoid about exposing LO to so many people at the start of flu season.
Post # 15
@lilbluebird: I know what you mean! I am paranoid big time about that. I wish I could request, “Tdap and flu shots please!” but I know I can only get away with requesting that of immediate family :/ I am making my family get one now and then the new shot in September (hey, dr.’s orders!) I think your idea sounds fun.
Post # 16
@lilbluebird: I love this idea and would be psyched to attend. It’s clear enough to me that you are graciously declining gifts, and I’d show up empty-handed. 🙂 A PP’s suggestion of just writing “No gifts, please,” is also good and may work even better if you have some on the guest list who need a more direct statement.
I also like a PP’s idea of calling it a “last pre-baby hoorah,” because then people won’t think of bringing gifts, and the focus isn’t so much on the baby, but on the idea of adults getting togeher and having fun.