BABY FEVER!!!! All I want is a baby…

posted 1 year ago in TTC
Member
2308 posts
Buzzing bee

Don’t assume a baby/being a mom will be the answer to all your prayers and bring you great joy. It is frickin hard, way harder than anyone could imagine and you don’t know what you’ll wind up with. My neighbor has a 12 year old autistic son who screams, cries, and tantrums all the time. Enjoy your freedom while you have it because having a child is a gamble; you don’t know what you’ll end up with. Finish school, get a house, nurture your relationship, then have kids. Don’t have tunnel vision over this.

Member
6260 posts
Bee Keeper

@BabyBrain:  It seems people have already given you (excellent) reasons not to and you still can’t get it off your mind. I’m not sure what any of us can say to sway you. However, if I were you I would have a few other things I would be focusing on rather than a baby. How old are you? I say you finish school and work on a home and career first. Are you married yet? How long have you been with FI? I would try and shift my focus. Also try and find other things that fulfill you.

Member
1002 posts
Bumble bee

People can’t just have a baby because it’s “the next step in our lives”. That alone leads me to believe that you definitely are not ready to have a child. You are only 21 years old and your fiance is absolutely right that you need to finish college/wait a few years. Being together for 3 years is nothing. The both of you haven’t even gotten married yet or had time to just chill out and enjoy being married. Do you want a screaming infant on the plane ride to your honeymoon?

I think you just need to take a deep breath and find something else to do that will take your mind of this.

Member
6210 posts
Bee Keeper

No one is yelling at you. You got a lot of good advice. If you post your issues on a public forum, you’re going to hear things that aren’t patting you on the back and telling you everything you want to hear.

Member
308 posts
Helper bee

First of all, I just want to say that I understand your deep desire to be a mommy! I am there too and once that feeling came last year, there was no getting rid of it. My DH and I are 30 and have been together for over 10 years, so I definitely feel like I’m beyond ready. We both have stable jobs and bought a house and I could not be happier that we waited this long to start the process. I by no means think that owning a house is prerequisite to having a baby, there are many many people who rent and have babies, however, if a house is possible then waiting a bit longer to get a stable job and a house is totally worth it. Also, there is no magical age when having a baby is right. No one can say for sure when is the best time for you personally to start TTC, but one thing is sure–you have to be on the same page with your SO or it will go horribly wrong. It does not sound like your FI is on board just yet, so in the mean time I would suggest for you to focus on your career, saving up some money, doing some more travelling, getting as fit as possible, and if you’d like, start researching baby things just to satisfy those “cravings” a bit. If buying a house is not reasonable any time soon, maybe you should talk to your FI and discuss a more realistic timeline that both of you would be happy with. Hang in there! 

Member
1002 posts
Bumble bee

“A house can come at any time – be it in 10 years time. I just want to feel better, I’ve never in my life felt so alone about something – please help? “

I’m helping you by telling you that your family/fiance are right in advising you to wait. Nowhere in your post did it say that you didn’t want to hear anyone say anything that would oppose your views. Nobody is yelling or patronizing you. You just view it that way when someone points out that your reasons for wanting a child are not good ones.

Member
654 posts
Busy bee

@BabyBrain:  I hear ya! I am baby AND wedding crazy lol double whammy! I totally empathise with how you’re feeling.. I live vicariously through friends who are pregnant/have children and I cannot WAIT for that to be me! Don’t worry about people being negative, they don’t know you’re situation or you as a person so they can’t pass judgement – you can’t deny your feelings!
I know there are a lot of things to come for my SO and I before babies which makes it hard sometimes, but when I’m getting super clucky, I make lists of baby names, dote on all the babies in my life, pin nursery ideas etc on pinterest.. as if I actually am expecting! It settles that niggly feeling for a while!
And don’t worry, while some people certainly aren’t ready for children at a young age, others are amazing at it! My mum was 19 when she had me and is/has been the most incredible, selfless, wonderful mother to me and my brothers. I have other friends who have had children in their early twenties and are far better mothers than woman I know who are in their mid/late 30′s and financially stable!
I’m in my mid-twenties so getting closer to the age where you don’t get so many side eye’s for wanting children but honestly, it’s a completely personal situation and if you want babies, don’t be ashamed of it! You sound like you will be a wonderful mother when it happens for you guys :)

Member
308 posts
Helper bee

@BabyBrain:  Like I said, I know exactly how you feel since I dealt with it myself for a while! The great thing is that your FI is on board with the concept of a baby one day. Maybe the timeline will change and get moved up earlier if you both decide that it is the right time for you. :) In a way, there is never a perfect time or reason to have kids, but being better off financially I’m sure helps. I know that perhaps the people around you may not fully understand this baby fever, but trust me there are plenty of girls on the WB who will. There are some posts for the girls who are waiting to TTC and a post with bucket list ideas for those that are trying to take their minds off the constant baby thoughts. Hope the wait to TTC is not too long for you!

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