Post # 1
Hey bees. I’m sorry if this is a little incoherent but I just need to get my thoughts out.
I’ve been feeling a little down right now over our TTC timeline. We set a timeline for starting to try 6 months after we’re married but I’m worried it’s too soon. I’ll be 25 when I get married and I’m not sure I’ve lived enough and done all of the things I want to do before becoming a mom, on my own and with FH. I think it would be good if we could ave a couple of years where it’s just us, but at the same time I really want to have a baby soon. Things are so good for us right now and we’re in a good positon to TTC next year, but a few years down the road who knws what will happen? I’m just so weird that our circumstances will change and we won’t be able to have the family we always wanted. But I also know that ttc our of fear for the future is not a good idea (by fear for the future I mean like financally, not fear for the state of our relationship) and just AURGHHHH this is all such a jumbled up mess.
Are there any bees out there who want children but have decided to wait? Any bees who waited and didn’t regret it?
Post # 3
What do you think having a child will prevent you from doing?
Post # 4
@Ruby-Redshoes: its never the right time to have a child, period. u may think you are ready but no one ever really is even though there are times that are more preferable to others.
talk with your SO and express your concerns, and if you are still having second thoughts then maybe consider waiting, after all you have tons of time.
Post # 5
First – if you think circumstances will change in a few years and you won’t want TTC, do you think those circumstances will be any better if you already have a kid or two?
As mckey430 said, I don’t think there is ever a “right” time, but I think there are definite “wrong” times. If you want to have a few more years child-free, then wait. You are in your mid-twenties and still have plenty of fertile years ahead of you!!!
Post # 6
@Ruby-Redshoes: We pushed back our timeline by 6 months and it is 100% the right decision. DH wanted to run a marathon and I would train (and run the race) with him. I will not commit to a marathon while TTC– I have been on continuous birth control for 5 years and haven’t had a period in years– I can’t predict how I will feel. We are using the extra time to travel and enjoy our time, but can’t wait for kids.
Post # 7
If you are unsure- wait! Live your live and do the things you want to do first. My life as a Mom is amazing but there are lots of things I wish I would have done first. Be selfish and spontaneous while you can 🙂
Post # 8
@Ruby-Redshoes: While there is never a “right” time, there are better times than other times. Like if you think you will be more financially stable, further in your career, at a better point in your relationship, etc.
If you are worried that waiting might lead to less than ideal circumstances to TTC, I don’t see how having a child would make the situation any better….unless you are worried about fertility issues.
Personally, I am 25 now, and though we have been together for 10 1/2 years (married for 4 months, we are not ready to TTC. If we have children, it will likely be around 30. We are financially and emotionally stable, have a great relationship, have established careers, but we are not ready for sacrifices of parenthood. Sure, life doesn’t end when you have a child…but it does change! We want to spend the next 5 years traveling, buying a home, sleeping in, hanging with our pups and being a couple.
Do what is right for you OP, but if you have any hesistation, what is the harm in pushing back your deadline by 6 months to a year?
Post # 9
@Ruby-Redshoes: My husband and I were married in August 2013 and we decided not to take a honeymoon right after our wedding because we had just started jobs and didn’t want to ask for more time off. We have decided to hold off on TTC in an effort to become more financially stable, have a proper honeymoon, and most importantly to enjoy one another as husband and wife! We plan on taking a honeymoon in March or April and then TTC in May. I am 28 and he will be 30 by then. I think if you’re apprehensive about TTC so soon after your wedding, please share that with your FI. There is nothing wrong with waiting, and I do not believe in TTC out of fear (i.e., financial or fertility issues). Just do it when you’re ready and take things from there. Hope this helps. 🙂
Post # 10
@Ruby-Redshoes: I really mean this in the best way but—You have baby fever or you don’t
I’m 30+, I have baby fever, I’m not worried about if/when it’s the right time or what will happen in the future at all……Is it ever REALLY the right time?!? Not really!! Meditate on it Don’t get in your head to much about it.
If you are worried about it, you are only 25, maybe just wait a year?
It’ll be okay, hang in there!!
Post # 11
@Rhopalocera: Well when you have a baby you can’t backpack through South America for six months or eat out every night or meet a friend for drinks after work last minute. I know having kids doesn’t mean that you don’t get do any adult tings but it would be silly to deny that they completely change your life. I don’t know if I’m ready to completely change my life yet.
Post # 12
@Rock Hugger: I know you are right that a bad situation wouldn’t be any better with kids. I’m not expecting circumstances to change for the worse later on but I have an irrational fear that something bad will happen financially that leads us to decide that we souldn’t have a baby. Obviously raising kids with a bad financial situation isn’t ideal, but tbh I’d rather have kids and then run into a problem than a problem and then no kids at all because of it. I’d never have a baby in a situation were I couldn’t support them and if FH and I were in that situation we’d give up on TTC. Ugh, that all sounds so selfish. I’m not really expressing what I’m trying to say very well…
Post # 13
@Ruby-Redshoes: I think maybe you should wait, your most recent post shows that you care more about backpacking through South America for 6 months, eating out every night and drinking after work.
YOLO!! Might as well wait, you are still young.
You can always freeze your eggs
Post # 14
@veryberry13: Wow. I mean this in the best way – your second post is pretty condescending and I don’t appreciate it. I don’t care more about the things I listed than having a baby, I just used them as examples of the types of things you can’t do when you have a child because someone asked how a baby could limit you
And yeah, I don’t need you to tell me that I don’t have baby fever because I’m sensible enough to make sure I’m a well traveled, fulfilled adult before I have a child. I hate to tell you this but ignoring all thoughts of the future and whether it might not be the right time don’t mean you want a baby more than me or that you’re morally superior
Post # 15
@Ruby-Redshoes: Woah woah woah!!! I’m sorry if you took offense, I meant it in the best way. I don’t have an ego; I don’t think I’m morally superior;
I’m 30+, and made the choice to freeze my eggs so I could enjoy my 20s. I’ve always wanted kids too, but I made the choice to become, as you put it ‘A Well Traveled, Fulfilled Adult Before I Have a Child’.
Now I’m older, and I’m not all ‘I wonder if I should or not because I might miss out on things’.
Post # 16
@Ruby-Redshoes: I think it’s great that you’re considering all the angles before making your decision as if there are major items on your bucket list that you would like to cross off first there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
I’m bumping it up in my schedule but I’m 33 and know I don’t have a ton of time to sit around wondering if we’re ready. I had a Dr once that said you’re never ready and there’s never the perfect time it’s a completely personal decision.
I would draw up a list with your SO and brainstorm all of those adventures that you may want to have like backpacking. Once you have the list you can go through it again and make decisions on what you really want to accomplish and what’s more of a nice to have. Then make your plan!
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with waiting another year or more if there are some definite must do’s on your mutual list!