Post # 1
I’ve been married a month and 2 days (yay)… and I am completely enjoying being a wife! I love saying "my husband""I’m his wife" etc. I pretty much knew that I wanted to marry my honey since we first started dating, 3 years ago. SO much so that we moved in together after a year. Now I am totally for living together before marriage… I understand that its not bibically correct but I’m happy that I got to see all his "nasty" lil habits before saying "I do". Unfortunately though.. coming home after the wedding feels NO different to me. We came back to our same condo.. and have the same routine.. so I really dont feel any sort of "newlywed" excitement.
That is my background to the question my post is really about. I’ve started having baby fever.. bad! My husband and I long ago decided we didn’t want kids for awhile.. we wanted to buy a house (which is actually happening this month, yay) and have our 2 credit cards paid off before having children. We wanted newlywed time without any babies and to be honest… babies totally freak me out still.
So why am I getting teary-eyed at every baby thing I see.. and why am I feeling the yearning to be pregnant and thinking about things like our new home’s proximity to the schools and college funds etc? I even walked into a maternity store the other day to look at the clothes I could wear when pregnant! Is this just my subconscious reaction to being let down a little by the lack of newlywed excitement? Is it dumb to change our plans and try to have a baby now? Why have my set ideas and plans suddenly changed.. is that normal right after marriage and I should try to ignore the feelings?
Did anyone else go through this?
Post # 3
I think you’re probably just bored without anything to plan and want a new "project". I felt like that and I got pregnant a month after we were married…DON’T DO IT. 🙂 Everything worked out great for us, we’ve been married for 6 years in August, our daughter turns 5 in June and we’re still alive…but it wasn’t easy!
Post # 4
I agree with Kate. You may just be bored.
You’re buying a house, so I say stick to your plan to wait on babies and throw yourself into making your house a home! There will be lots to do and pregnancy can really make you feel exhausted (esp the first trimester). So just get your new place squared away and then revisit the timing of trying for a baby.
Post # 5
I think your feelings are normal. On a historical and I think biological level, getting married signals that a new era of your life is starting…the life with babies and a family. I think it is our modern culture that says we have to put off marriage and then put off family in the name of having fun and enjoying our single or childless days. Now obviously you should get married when it’s right for you, which is different for every person—but I can’t help think that some of these attitudes floating around are the vestiges of a rebellion against the olden days when women all got married at 18 no matter what and had kids immediately. Now we have the freedom to marry when we want and wait as long as we want to have kids—but you don’t have to wait if you don’t want to. You’ve been living together as if you were married for over two years now so you’ve kind of got a head start on what marriage is going to be like (although it’s not exactly the same as living together, of course). So if you find that you don’t need the several years of childlessness before you want to start a family, then that’s okay. I think that’s normal.
So I wouldn’t ignore these feelings, but I wouldn’t try to get pregnant tomorrow either. Your plans may have changed, but I would give it at least a few months to make sure that you’re sure. Like Kate said, it’s not easy. The goal of getting your house and paying off your credit cards is a good one. I think it’s normal for first-time parents to feel terrified about the prospect of actual children–what matters is that your desire to have them and take care of them is bigger than that. Good luck figuring it out!
Post # 6
Sounds to me like you are bored / want some excitement. Don’t worry, buying a house will be plenty exciting and a great way to kick off your marriage.
Post # 7
I honestly think it’s your body telling you that you’re ready. If that makes any sense? I have always wanted to have kids of my own and am lucky that FI feels the same way. Honestly, so much so that if the guy did not want kids I’m pretty sure it woulda been a deal breaker. Anyway, lately I’ve had a yearning to have a baby as well, more so than usual. We have been dating for almost 9 years, lived together for 5, owned a home together for 2+years. I seriously feel my internal clock ticking and feel my body telling me it’s time to have a baby. So I think for us we will probably not wait too long after making it "official". 😉
I think if this is something that you think you & FI are ready for -and not a "new project" like other Bees have mentioned- then you & FI need to sit down and have a talk. Maybe it’s not tonight or tomorrow night -hehe- but perhaps sooner than you guys had originally planned on conceiving. Good Luck!
Post # 8
I get those feelings sometimes, but then I hush them and remember that we have a plan for a reason. We also just got a house and I know I’m going to busy myself with picking out paint and decorating and maybe that’s something you can do to take your mind off the baby idea.
Post # 9
I have baby fever too and I"m not even FREAKING married yet. I know it’s because I’m worried that after the wedding I’ll have nothing to entertain me, but I keep reminding myself that I’m marrying my FH becuase he is wildly entertaining 🙂
Post # 10
Like lreighard1, I have had baby fever a few times and I am not even married yet either. I get in these moods when I am around family and friends who just had a baby. I had it bad when my nephew was born 2 years ago. I felt a bit pathetic, lol. Luckily for me the feeling subsides fairly quickly. BUT I know that when my FSIL has her baby just before our wedding I am sure to fall into that pit again.
Post # 11
My best friend and MOH had her baby 4 weeks before my wedding.. so I’ve been spending a lot of time with them.. to be honest, she is my first baby to really spend time with. I’ve love her to pieces but totally freak when she fusses and still only hold her in 2 positions because i’m afraid to hurt her!! lol I keep telling myself thats proof that i’m not ready for a baby… I think you girls are right, I need to stick with my plan.
We made our plans so that when I do have a baby I can quit my job and be a stay at home mom… that cant happen if we dont have our debt paid off. I need to be smart and stick to the plan!!! A year and a half isnt too long to wait right??? lol
Post # 12
A year and a half is not long at all to wait! I thought you were talking like 8 years before you had kids.
Post # 13
Ok…here goes..You just got married and are wanting something ELSE to focus on. I understand the post weddingish blues as I was once married and had a huuuge wedding. But, I also had a sister who had married a few years before I did (to my x) and she immediatley had a baby after a year of marriage. Yes, the baby was planned btw.
They scrimped and saved. Didn’t take vacations or anniversary trips for the longest times due to 1)baby and 2)lack of $$. It was very difficult for them. But they are one of those couples who are incredibly awesome and still in love now after 14.5 years!
I didn’t have my son until after being married 2.5 years. I am glad. I had time to travel, have some time for us to merge together as a couple (despite fact I divorced my xh) and didn’t have to worry as much financially.
Fast forward to now. I’m just barely 40, getting ready to remarry and STILL don’t want to rush that. If that’s to be, it will happen in time. I know that we want to have fun, travel a bit, and our children are older (his son 1 year older than mine and a 4 yo daughter; my son is 10) and we’re able to financially afford quite a few kids, but we want to put our relationship in the forefront so we have a stable foundation for our future. You just NEED that time to bond as a married couple. It IS different from just dating and still a bit different than living together.
Imho, let the honeymoon period happen. REALLY happen. Enjoy your new life/bond. That first year you both get to have the world call you "newlyweds" which is imho magical too. I can already see my post wedding focus in on interior design and us being able to travel (besides our heavenly bonding period)..and then after a year or so passes, and if God willing I’m able (should darn well be! Doc says I’m in fantastic shape for that), we’ll decide if we want to have one.
Post # 14
Please please please go ahead and wait. You will feel SO much better when you know you have your ducks in a row, and having time to just be silly newlyweds and do dumb irresponsible stuff if you want to. I’m excited about our baby (sort of) but I still cry sometimes thinking about how the rest of our lives we will be somebody’s parents and I just wanted to be us for a little while. For the record, we got pregnant just before our 3 month anniversary.
Post # 15
I just want to ditto everything that all the ladies above have said about waiting. I think you’re just looking into the future and going, "omg the next BIG thing!" and you get all excited. You’ll be thankful you waited 1.5 years…so will your wallet =]
Babies freak me out, too! You’re not alone. My FI’s nephew cried every time i held him, but I think it was my perfume until he was older and then he was fascinated by all the dangly earrings I wore. Still not a fan though.
Post # 16
I am not married yet, and yet to have "baby fever" but I can understand where you ladies are coming from. First off, I don’t think it has anything to do with being bored. A lot of women seem to give excuses of "baby fever", eating too much, shopping, whatever it is to compensate for having no wedding planning to do. I think it’s 100% natural to want children once you get married, you are starting your new life together, as a family. I’ve been told by many friends who have children that you know when it’s time, something in your heart and mind will click. It may be a month or 2 years after getting married. I would definately not rush into it, because there are many things you will want to do together as husband and wife before babies come. Take things in stride, and if you are ready… go for it!