Post # 1
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
So last night my FI threw me for a loop. He said that if I want to have a baby with him, he’s perfectly happy to do that.
Well, I had pretty much given up on that whole idea about a year ago. Not because he ever said, no, but because I thought it through and it just seemed like children weren’t practical, etc.
FI has two grown boys. I’m 43, he’s 46. It just seems OLD. Also, my own mother died when she was 54 and my youngest sister was only 10. My health is much better than my mom’s, but…. still.
Ladies, I’m not even sure why I’m writing this, except that suddently I’m thinking over the whole thing all over again and sort of freaking out. I am 99% sure I already know my answer, but… I’m just freaking out. And I’m at work. Ugh.
Post # 3
Well, what’s the answer you are 99% sure about? Yes or no?
We can go from there.
Post # 4
Oh girl. We had that same discussion a couple of years ago (I am 43 and FI will be 43 in December). We decided that was a definite NO. my DS and his DD are both grown and out of the house. We decided to be selfish and focus on us.
Post # 5
Other than the possible complications for the baby (and for you) I don’t think there is anything wrong with having a baby later in life. You just have to decide if you’re okay with the idea that they won’t get out of high school until you’re in your 60s!
Post # 6
FI and I are both 39, both have children. We both know we don’t want kids and are very stern on that. It would be nice to have one between us, but i know 100% that I’m done having kids. I knew that while I was pregnant with my last child with my xDH. I had my tubes tied about a year ago. Like another PP said, we wanto be selfish and want it to be just about us when our kids aren’t around and are with their other parents.
Post # 7
Follow your heart. Will you regret that you did not try for another or will you regret being an “older” parent? Only you can decide. I am AMA, advanced maternal age pregnancy, in my 7th month. This was a complete surprise to us – we already have a 13 and 11 year old. We thought we were done having kids for many, many reasons. Well life had other plans for us. Is it shocking – heck yes. Are there days that I panic about being an older mom – heck yes, more than I want to admit. But here’s the positive side. There are no guarantees in life that if you have a baby at 21 that you will be around to see your child graduate from college. The odds are certainly in your favor but no guarantees. Many studies show that kids born to older parents have some distinct advantages largely due to the increased financial and increased time offerings that older parents are able to provide because they are already established in their careers. This is not intended to be a slight at younger parents – parenting is hard at any age and I admire all of the sacrifices all parents make. As I think of what I can provide this child with because I am financially established and have flexibility in my career, I am very grateful. Because I have already half raised two kids, there is an acquired wisdom and perspective that makes me a lot more rational and laid back this time around in terms of my parenting style. My pregnancy has been complication free, healthy and because I’m in a different place financially, we’re able to enjoy it more. Going on a babymoon, hiring a decorator for the nursery, going to NYC this weekend for a Rosie Pope maternity clothes spree, hiring a sanity sitter and fitness trainer post birth, etc. Yes, being an older parent has some drawbacks but there are also some benefits. I think the greatest gift that this child will receive is our love, regardless of our age and our life experience will be an added benefit. Best wishes as you follow your heart!
Post # 8
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
As I said, I really know know the answer already. Barring surprises, I will not be having a baby.
By the way, when I said it feels OLD, I don’t mean that as a critique of older moms. It’s those older moms who are making me rethink my decision! But I’m still coming to the same conclusion anyway. Not having a lot of money is also adding to the decision.
Again thanks for your words. I can’t think who else I would have even mentioned this to, other than the BEES!
And Foreverblond 345: congrats on your future little one!
Post # 9
Do what you want! The risks are higher, but you realize that. But if you you would like a baby and your husband would then I think you and him should decide what is best for you.
My husband was an accident when his mom was 41 and his dad was 50. His parents do seem fairly old to me (more like my grandparents age) and he didn’t really get to know him grandparents since they passed away when he was fairly young. It’s funny, at family gatherings his parents seem to click really well with my grandparents (rather than parents) since they are the same age! But overall, it does not matter. His parents are wonderful and then being older did not impact him negatively in any way. His dad actually retired when he was around ten so they had lots of time to spend together and could take lots of camping trips in the summer!