Post # 1
Wherever you are with your timeline for children (I’m not even close to TTC yet, ha), I think a lot of us have discussed future baby names with our SOs.
Fiance and I ended up lightly discussing it this weekend… until it turned into a pretty serious disgreement. He is absolutely set on a boy’s name (first and middle) that I really hate, and says he’s not willing to budge on this one. He thinks that “compromise” means letting him name our first son the name he wants, and letting me name any other children whatever I want. I would rather have all my kids have names I like, even if they aren’t my very favorites, and have names we can both agree on… we decided not to talk about names anymore until we have kids, which is sad because I love names 🙁 But I feel like in the end, one of us is going to resent the other, because the child will either have FI’s favorite name or he won’t.
Anyone else have this problem and what did you do, or are you stilling dealing with it? I know there are other compromise options but Fiance won’t hear any of them. He’s normally not stubborn like this about anything so I don’t really know why he’s so set. The middle name’s a family name so I could deal with it but the first name he just likes.
ETA: Also, over the summer his friends had a baby, and named their son something that is only a couple letters off from FI’s favorite name and sounds pretty much the same. The child was born very prematurely and died in just over a week. Fiance thinks that in 5 years or so when we have kids it wouldn’t be an issue… bleh, I completely disagree.
Post # 3
What meaning does this name have for him? Or does he just like the meaning or the way it sounds? If that’s the case, could he be willing to change it slightly to something you might like more?
Also, why don’t you like it, if you don’t mind me asking? I don’t think you should be forced to name a child something you don’t like, but I also don’t think you guys should fight over naming a hypothetical baby.
Post # 4
I don’t think I could go with a name that I really disliked. I let my husband pick the name for our baby girl. It was not my #1 choice, but it was a name that I liked. I think he needs to compromise.
Post # 5
I really wanted to name our first son after my mother’s brother who passed away as a teenager. I know it would mean a lot to her. Darling Husband has said no, and I think it completely sucks that he won’t compromise on that and gets pissed off every time I bring it up. If baby #2 is a boy he is insisting on a name I really don’t like and am not comfortable with. It’s actually a source of tension in our house right now!
Post # 6
@LittleSu: I’m not sure why he likes it. He’s loved it for a really long time though. Unfortunately there are no names that sound similar, except for the name his friends gave their child. It’s in the top 100 names for boys but I really can’t think of anything similar. And I guess I don’t know why I don’t like it. I’m not a huge fan of names derived from real words in English, as his choice is, so that’s all I can think of. Maybe I had a negative association at one point? But I can’t remember one. The problem is, I know it’s sort of silly to be upset when TTC is far away… but I’ve always loved names, since I was little. I’d say I’m more obsessed than most people, I find names and meanings really interesting. I always thought it would be fun, and now I feel like that vision is crashing on me… sort of immature probably, but I can’t help it.
@eeniebeans: I’d go with something I didn’t love, but I’m having trouble being okay with a name I dislike this much.
@KatyElle: Aw, still no compromise? 🙁
Post # 7
We compromised on our daughters name and Darling Husband has told me that he has already picked the name for the baby on the way. With our daughter we had a list of names we both like and then we picked the name we agreed the most on out of those names. We kind of went with who ever suggested the name, the other picked the middle name.
If it were a name that either one of us like and it didn’t have significant meaning then it got scrapped or moved to a middle name, would that be an option for him?
ETA: I am curious to know what the name is:)
Post # 8
@galloway111: He did say if it’s a girl I can go for it, but he has a huge complex about his SON having the perfect name. He said we can use my Uncle’s name as a middle name, so it’s not hopeless but I was really set on my Uncle being the baby’s namesake. Maybe I can break him down during labor when he’ll agree to anything haha!
Post # 9
I think if either of you really dislike a name either of you suggest, then it should be taken off the table. There are so many names out there, and you are both bound to dislike some of them.
For example, I love the name Josephine (Josie) for a little girl. Mr. Roux hates it and vetoed it straight away. I still get a bit sad thinking I’ll never have a child named Josephine, but then I remember he wanted to name our first born son William Michael William Williams. (I s**t you not, he was 110% serious.) and I vetoed that.
Post # 10
@Roux: I work with a William Williams! The first time I heard his name (he was not present) I truly thought they were pulling my leg, and nearly died giggling. Thank god he wasn’t there!
Post # 11
@twentyeleven: Apparently its a family tradition to name first born sons William. So he was insisting on it. Then I pointed out that neither him or his older brothers were named William, and none of his nephews are either. So therefore the tradition is broken and I sure as hell won’t be the one reinstating it. Especially not with the extra William middle name!!
Post # 12
@ieatunicorns: I would be fine with it as a middle name, but the middle name he likes is a family tradition (him, his father, grandfather, and great-gpa all have the same middle name) and that same name is also his grandfather’s first name, on his mom’s side. So I agreed to the middle name for the special meaning… but that means his favorite name can’t get pushed anywhere else but out.
And if you (or anyone else) wants to know the name, PM me and I’ll tell you, but you have to promise not to get offended if it turns out to be your son’s name or something, haha. I only hate the name for my own child so I didn’t want to insult everyone with the name by listing it 😛
@KatyElle: Lol, that’s my current strategy too! But I might feel bad later. Stupid conscience.
@Roux: Wait… would the second William be part of the middle name? Even William Williams is too much! Though I did meet a David Davis the other day at work.
Post # 13
Names are tricky, aren’t they!? First of all, if you’re not looking to TTC for another 5 years or so, chances are the name will no longer be a favourite of his by the time you actually need to be seriously thinking about this. I know names I liked 5 years ago I wouldn’t dream of using now!
Secondly, if it’s a name you really, really hate, you should not have to give in to it. A name for your child needs to be a mutually agreed upon thing and there are enough names in the world that you will be able to find something to agree on. His compromise could be that either his favourite name gets used as the middle name or he gets to keep the family tradition with middle names, but for the first name, you’re going to find a name that you agree upon. It shouldn’t be that difficult.
If all else fails, remember, you’re the one who fills in the birth certificate! 😉 Just kidding, I wouldn’t really recommend doing that. If you want to continue discussing names, put that one aside and talk about other boy names for if/when you have more than one son.
Honestly, I think it’s a bit selfish and somewhat immature for one parent to insist upon a name that the other absolutely hates. Natually, there are going to be times that one parent likes a name a bit more than the other parent, but to expect to get your way on a name that your SO detests seems rather juvenile in my opinion. I think if there is a valid reason (such as naming after a family member who has died), it’s one thing for a partner to try and be understanding and see if they can come to terms with the name, but refusing to compromise on a name just because “I like it and I want it” sounds rather selfish IMO.
Post # 14
I agree with whichever PP said that you should never have to hate your child’s name. I think that you should BOTH like the name, even if it is neither of your “favorites” but rather is one you both like and are comfortable calling your child for the rest of…forever.
That said, I would NEVER be able to name my child something I hated and I wouldn’t want Fiance to hate a name either. He has vetoed a lot of names I adored, but I got over. Matter of fact, I can’t even remember most of them now! We’ve agreed on a boy name a longggg time ago…I just hope it doesn’t get too terribly popular. Girls names we have a running short list. He’s vetoed a lot, and I’ve vetoed a few. We aren’t TTC right this second, but we will be probably in the next year.
Post # 15
@Ree723: That’s how I feel to, so at least I know I’m not the only one 🙂 I would love to talk about other names but as FI’s decided compromise is that he gets his favorite and I get to pick the rest, if we discuss other names it would be obvious that I’m not letting him have his favorite because otherwise I’d just be naming the rest myself. It’s so weird because I didn’t see this coming from him at all… but we’ve both had our favorite names in mind for a LONG time (um… I may have been in elementary school when I first liked my favorites…) so I doubt they’ll change. You know, as selfish as the whole thing sounds, it seems that a lot of other couples are having the same problem. What is it with baby names that brings out the worst in people? Ha.
@AmeliaBedelia: I agree, I’d rather have all names I like that some favorites and one name I hate. I’m super curious about your boy name, would you be willing to PM me it? Since you’re several years ahead of me anyway, lol.
Post # 16
Darling Husband and I have started talking about this too- even though we’re 2-3 years out from TTC. 🙂 So far we haven’t been able to come up with any names that we both LOVE, but we’ve definitely agreed that we won’t name our child(ren) something one of us hates. In My Humble Opinion, if a child is conceived/adopted/raised by two people TOGETHER, that’s how their names should be decided as well– together. Not knocking anyone else’s method for choosing baby names, this is just how I look at it. 🙂