(Closed) baby over shines wedding.

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1025 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’m sorry you’re stressed. Sometimes it feels like planning a wedding is like being pregnant…you’re emotions go haywire. It’s great you were such a big help during her wedding. 

Her pregnancy won’t overshadow your wedding.  They are both exciting and joyous, but different. And your wedding won’t overshadow her pregnancy. She might have to get her dress altered, but that won’t be the end of the world. My fiance’s aunt is giving birth a month before the wedding, so she’ll have the newborn at the wedding at it’ll be the first time the family will get to meet the little one. I wouldn’t worry. It’s normal to get frustrated during all this, but your family has a lot of positive things happening!

Post # 5
Member
1025 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Eh, I wouldn’t beat yourself up. Its normal. This is a big stressful life changing thing, getting married. Everyone needs support. I think its pretty common to want to feel more supported and then feel silly saying “no, let’s talk about my centerpieces more!” 

Post # 6
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Honey, I am in an extremely similar situation.  Extremely.  I feel your pain and I don’t blame you one little bit for feeling this way.  Babies are a big deal and it’s a very happy occasion…but I do think many brides at least a little bit look forward to having HER wedding be the center of attention for a small period of time, especially among those who support and love her. 

Three of my best friends got married in three consecutive years, and when I was in their weddings, it did seem like their weddings were the main event of the respective summers.  I put a ton of money, planning, and energy into helping out with their multiple showers and bachelorettes.  I helped them move in and out of their new apartments, helped them register, hauled wedding gifts to and fro, etc.  Since I became engaged, all three women have become pregnant, and one will be due two weeks before my wedding.  She is planning on having her one week old baby at my bachelorette party (she deliberately planned it this way instead of having the party before she delivered).  Even though I am absolutely thrilled for my best friends and am happy to support them, I do privately have mini-pity parties in my head when I think about what a big deal all their weddings were when they got married, and mine feels like a side show in the midst of all these babies.

I bet when your friend finds out if she is or isn’t pregnant, and she fully aborbs that information, she’ll start mentioning your wedding again.  Learning from my friends, trying to have a baby is a very stressful time and it does seem very thought consuming.  I’m sure she’s absolutely thrilled for you and you’ll have a wonderful wedding!  Don’t feel bad about those thoughts though…it’s completely normal and you’re not the only one feeling that way. 🙂

 

Post # 8
Hostess
18623 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m sorry you are stressed ouit.  Not everyone has very involved bridesmaids.  Do you think you could have another BM plan the events since she is busy with other things?  Really, it is about who you want to be there to support you at your wedding, not who will plan the best party.  I did not have a shower, bachelorette, anything.  Part of me wishes I had but that isn’t the end of the world to me.

Post # 10
Member
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Everyone is the star in their own life. It sounds like she’s going through a really exciting time as well, and yes, that is overshadowing your wedding in her mind because it’s HER experience and life. That’s normal. Plus, I wonder at the fact you can’t go an hour and a half without talking about your wedding (or feel insulted if she goes that long without bringing it up.) 

I know she’s your MOH, and she’s special to you, but her life doesn’t stop because you’re planning a wedding. She’s allowed to not be as interested in your wedding as you are, especially during such an exciting time in her life. 

I think you need to take a step back from this one. Even the most enthusiastic person can only talk about weddings so long. Just read your own words “now that she’s preggers, it’s all about her”. It sounds like you want it to be all about YOU. But that’s not how friendship works. Let her have her excitement. 

Post # 11
Hostess
18623 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m sorry what I said upset you.  Unfortunately, no one cares about your wedding as much as you do since it’s your wedding.  I’m sorry that they chose to try to get pregnant when you were planning but there isn’t really anything you can do to stop them.  I would just try to have a serious talk with her and if she can’t be the MOH that you want, maybe she should step down from that for a more honorary position and have someone else do the planning for the pre-wedding events.

Post # 12
Member
420 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I just thought I would chime in here. I have no advice, but I am in the same situation. My FI’s baby sister got married last Feb (09) and we have been trying to have our wedding ever since last May. We got engaged in May (after her wedding) and tried to have it in Canada 2 times already.

My FI’s parents flew to Canada for her wedding, but were unwilling (for somewhat, legitimate reasons) to fly to Canada for ours this upcoming September. So we cancelled ours and have tried to plan it for April 2011, when they will be in Canada again. Just about to book the church and the FSIL announces that she is 3 weeks pregnant. Which is fantasic to me. I am so happy for her and can’t wait to be an Auntie. But, on the other hand, she was to be my MOH, as I asked her a few months back. I figure, as she is a little on the superficial side, she might fuss a bit about fitting into the dress. Then the FIL’s announce that they have to be there for the arrival of the baby in Jan 2011 and we have to change our date to Feb now! Ugh..

So now I only have 10 days to Squeeeeze my one and only wedding in. I would have had over 2 weeks off from work for the April wedding. Not to mention that the baby will be 3 weeks old. Again, she likely won’t be thrilled putting on a fitted dress and will likely be tired and not interested in my wedding. Totally sucks. But… what can you do?? I have run out of ideas and I really don’t care anymore about all the little details anymore. I am trying to think positive. I will have my parents, my grandparents, his parents and a beautiful, long awaited ceremony in a lovely church. All of which are at the top on my list of priorities. Guess that will have to be enough.

I hope you can find some positive things to make you feel better. Just remember it is about the 2 of you and uniting your families. Be grateful for your health and your happiness!?? 

Many blessings!

Post # 13
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think it is normal to be upset and have mixed feelings.  We can’t help how we feel.  But I’d second what OPs have said about everyone being the “star” in their own life. 

Post # 14
Member
3126 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I think you just have to have a direct conversation with her and express that the parties mean a lot to you – there isn’t anything wrong with that. If you don’t set expectations, you can’t be upset when they’re not met. You may have figured that she was on board with being the mirror image of you as MOH as far as level of involvement, but she might not feel the same. I’m sure she wants to be there for you but is just wrapped up in what’s going on in her life. You can always say that BMs Jane and Jenny are part time party planners and would probably be a great help if she needed assistance planning to jumpstart that portion of the conversation.

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