Post # 1
So, I’ve been doing a little reading about babies since there’s been lots of talk of them recently. My mom and MIL have quite different ways they raised their kids but hey, their kids fell in love and got married so neither way screwed us up too bad or made us so different we can’t relate to each other. But I’ll look up their different views like – let them cry it out vs don’t let them cry it out – and both sides are so adamant and use what seems like pseudo psychology and make claims of irreparable harm that will be done if you don’t follow their way and ‘science’ that backs them up.
It just is so dissapointing to see so much ‘baby psychology’ as claims as fact but it all seems like a load of crap. Do people actually believe this and am I just jaded? How do you sort through this steaming pile of poo that is baby info to find what’s actually true? I’m starting to just sort through pubmed but feel like that’s a bit ridiculous and too sterile.
Post # 3
The best advice that I’ve received is to do what you feel is best foryour baby and your family. There is so much research, but the fact is that every few years the “right” thing to do changes, and kids are growing up fine.
It is so confusing and I’m already overwhelmed with all of the contradicting information out there. Despite the fact that I have graduate work in human and child development! There really are no easy answers.
Post # 4
My mom has some very old fashioned beliefs, even though some of them have been proven to be wrong (she says a pregnant lady should eat whatever she wants and gain whatever her body says….i’m sure we all know this is not advised, in addition to some other wonky beliefs). There is a LOT of information out there. If you’re anything like me, you’ll stick to the real studies (aka pubmed type stuff–research with some data attached to it), talk to your doctors/pediatricians about it, do research, and come to YOUR OWN conclusion. I agree with mrstilly that the “right” thing to do seems to change constantly; i’m sure cry it out works for some babies, not so much for all. Try stuff and see what works? Sorta like the noodle analogy–throw noodles against the wall until one of them sticks, then you know it’s done!
My mom and my MIL had very, very different methods of raising children. Unfortunately, my mother has no problem telling me how to raise my own, whereas my MIL is very hands off “that’s your business”.
I think a lot of our mom’s opinions (aka those from 25+ years ago) are relatively outdated and based on theories–I know my mom certainly hasn’t read any studies on childhood behavior recently!
Post # 5
I guess for me as soon as I see someone take a hard stance and say something extreme I can’t read them anymore because what they said is a lie and a bit of manipulation with a guilt trip and if a book isn’t presenting things honestly what’s the point of reading it. I’m like that in politics and religion and apparently babies. But I feel like baby literature is just as biased and one side leaning as politics and religion it’s ridiculous. Is there any good source for middle ground where you can just see pros and cons and isn’t so judgy and when the time comes figure out what works best for your baby?
Post # 6
Haha Ejs – yeah both my mom and MIL are VERY opinionated and don’t mind sharing and have raised their share of kids but what they do is polar opposites so right now all I have is a noodle strategy that we’ll do eventually.
Post # 7
lol if they make books like that, i would love to know! I’m under the impression EVERY book on childrearing has a slant of some kind.
the noodle strategy…it’s a good approach =]
Post # 8
i saw a play about a woman who got every opinion from everyone and she tried everything to do everything “right” when there really is no right way when it comes to babys. it ended up driving her crazy.
Post # 9
hmm…I’m biased. As a school teacher, I like to go with case-study data. As a school teacher, I also like to go with first hand experience. As a school teacher, I see that some parents who go with the “cry it out” method work well & some parents that don’t go with the “cry it out” method work just as well. So, as a school teacher, who’s with kids all damn day, I go with “follow through with what you say” method. If you say no…stick to it. If you say yes, but with conditions…stick to the conditions. If you say yes with no conditions, understand that your kid/baby will expect to get away with it every time…stick to that for those behaviors you want to see more of & don’t stick with that for those behaviors you don’t want to see more of. Basically, pick a method that fits &, if it works, stick with it…don’t change it up because it will confuse the kid/baby. Confusion leads to frustration…for both kid/baby and parent. Good luck!
Post # 10
I think you will find parents, and moms especially, are very passionate about a LOT of topics! And very often believe their way is the best and only way. I say educate yourself as much as possible when you are ready – read up on good, reputable books, studies, etc. Talk to your friends to understand what worked/didn’t work for them and then figure out what works best for you and your family. I don’t think there is a one size fits all approach.
I can tell you I have really enjoyed reading Baby 411, The Happiest Baby on the Block and Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child. These were all recommended to me by friends I trust and I made sure they were credible. Although credible does not equal “right”!!