(Closed) Baby Regret?

posted 6 years ago in Babies
  • poll: Did you have baby regret?
    I always wanted children, had them, and it couldn't have happened soon enough. : (8 votes)
    14 %
    I always wanted children, had them, but wish I would've waited longer. : (9 votes)
    16 %
    I always wanted children, had them, and wish I didn't at all. : (4 votes)
    7 %
    I was indifferent to children, had them, and it couldn't have happened soon enough. : (5 votes)
    9 %
    I was indifferent to children, had them, but wish I would've waited longer. : (1 votes)
    2 %
    I was indifferent to children, had them, and wish I didn't at all. : (1 votes)
    2 %
    I never wanted children, had them, and it couldn't have happened soon enough. : (3 votes)
    5 %
    I never wanted children, had them, but wish I would've waited longer. : (2 votes)
    4 %
    I never wanted children, had them, and wish I didn't at all. : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    Member
    4327 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 1992

    @pfinarffle:  I will raise my hand and say I am with you. I am not a parent, and I have never had active plans to start TTC. I don’t get why the urge is so strong in some women. It’s not something I’ve ever felt, and it concerns me. I need to either come to peace with not wanting to be a parent, or get over myself. I am 30.

    Post # 4
    Member
    9825 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    Well I can tell you with total honesty that I do not for one second regret my daughter. I feel complete now that she’s here and had no idea I was capable of loving anyone this much. I voted “Indifferent to children, had them, couldn’t have happened soon enough” because I was indifferent to kids but we got pregnant and I love being a mother even though in a perfect world we would have started off in a better place financially.

    BUT, I am also the first to say, you have to be realistic and think honestly about what you’re willing to sacrifice and where you ultimately want your life to go. When I got pregnant I had dreams about taking her to ballet and teaching her French, and going to mommy and me pottery class. Right after her third birthday she was diagnosed with Autism. Life became all about doctor’s appointments and teaching her how to communicate with us in our language, let alone French. Teaching her how to properly grasp a crayon, let alone taking her to ballet.

    Now there have been moments of major grief and sacrifice, but I have a very very supportive husband and we work hard to do our best for our daughter daily, and it brought us closer. But we know other couples who we’ve met at our support groups and honestly, some of them just hate their life and wish they could escape it. They can’t handle it. And while there is really NO way to know if you could handle having a special needs child until you’re faced with that reality, there is something to be said for thinking it over and being honest with your feelings about it. Because you could have a perfectly healthy and well adjusted child, or you could have a child that never sleeps and has 6 hour tantrums. I am the first to admit, I am LUCKY that things worked out well for our family. It’s not the case for everyone. Kids are wonderful, but they are also heartache.

    I come from a family where it is not an uncommon choice for women not to have children. So I can also tell you if there is not a desire to have kids, that is completely as valid a life choice as what career you choose or who you decide to marry.

    Post # 6
    Member
    4327 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 1992

    @pfinarffle:  Tell me about it. 🙂  I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels this way. I am almost embarrassed to admit this about myself because so many women look at me like I am “unnatural” and can not fathom where I’m coming from. With that type of reaction, it’s hard to know where to turn for support in weighing options (outside of my husabnd’s opinion, of course)

    Post # 8
    Member
    1750 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @pfinarffle:  I am 31 and I am not obsessed with having a baby. I have never been a big fan of kids. However, I do have the desire to be a mom, I began having this feeling about 2 years ago. I don’t think having a large family is being true to who I am but I am excited about having ONE baby in the future. After that I’m off to the gym to get my body back and the vaginia is closed for baby pushing business.

    Post # 9
    Member
    444 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I personally have always wanted kids, though I’m not close to TTC yet.  However I totally respect the fact that some women just aren’t mom material/desiring to be a mom.  I respect that a lot more than the ones who will make horrible parents and yet have kids anyway because they feel like they have to or everyone else is doing it and they have to “keep up with the Joneses”.  Not saying that if you don’t want kids you would make a horrible parent mind you, but if both you and your husband don’t really want kids then don’t have them, and forget what anyone else says!  Their desires for you to have kids don’t matter because they will not be raising them 24/7 for 18+ years so they don’t get a vote hehe

    Post # 10
    Member
    2414 posts
    Buzzing bee

    All of the poll options said some form of “I had children,” so I had to choose “other.”

    I could have gone either way with the issue of having kids. I was never dying to be a mom; in fact, I have always loved my freedom. But I always thought it would be nice someday — ONLY within the context of a very strong, committed marriage, and preferably a very financially secure home.

    I didn’t end up finding that kind of relationship when I was in my childbearing years, so therefore I didn’t have kids. I’m sometimes a little sorry when I think about it briefly, but it honestly is not something I lose sleep over.

    I think part of it is that I am just wired to be interested in many things, and having a baby or babies always struck me as a confining lifestyle. I didn’t want to be tied down by the routine of having kids. Also, my parents split up when I was six years old, and I saw first hand what my mom went through as a single parent with sole custody. We were lucky in that my father was very financially supportive and involved — it was the best of all situations, divorce wise. But it was still very, very difficult for my mother to manage everything at home. She cautioned me over and over again to be very careful about who I ever made a baby with — I listened, and I think it was good advice. I’m thinking of two disastrous relationships I had when I was in my 30s. I cringe to think of having had a baby with either one of those jerks. Yikes.

    DH is 53 and I am 50, so that ship has sailed. We were shocked when we got married several months ago and a number of people asked us if we planned to start a family!! No, thank you!

    LOL

     

    Post # 14
    Member
    10288 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Well, I’m not a parent but I hope to be someday. Only recently did I even want a kid. I am NOT a child person. If there was club for people who hate kids, I’d be the god damn president. I rarely find them cute and sweet but I pretend like I do in an effort to not be pegged as a cold heartless bitch. In my 26 years on this planet, the only kids I’ve ever honestly loved or tolerated are my 3 younger cousins. All others are just kind of “meh” to me. It’s not that I don’t want to like the other kids in my life, I just don’t. Maybe I’m broken or something, I don’t know. With that said, I know that I’ll love the shit out of my own kid. I’m excited to have a baby with my husband because I know that he’ll be a great father (he actually likes kids so atleast one of us does). We’re not ready now but if we had an accident, we’d deal.

    Our reasons for holding off are a mix of our need to be better financially prepared (we could afford a kid now but we want to buy a house first and have more in savings) and pure selfishness. Babies change everything. Those who say that their lives hardly changed after baby are either super heros or liars. I’ve seen friends and family who had kids do a complete 180. Since their kids have gotten a little older they’ve started to find themselves again but during the baby stage, many were like totally different people. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing, we’ll probably go through the same transition when our time comes, it’s just something I’ve noticed and am personally not a fan of. 

    I really hate baby pressure. Our reproductive organs are no-ones business but ours. My BIL & SIL were pressured to have a baby by her family. Everytime they’d see them, they’d make comments about when they’re going to have a baby and blah blah blah. They ultimately gave in to the pressure and got pregnant when in all honestly, they probably shouldn’t have. I’m not going to let any outside sources dictate when we procreate. Thankfully my family knows how to mind their own business. I’m sure they’ll be thrilled when we eventually get pregnant but until then, they understand that these are our lives and they have no control over them. No-one else is going to have to brew my kid for 9 months and then get up with them every 2 hours after they’re born. Unless they’re somehow part of that equation, they have absolutely no say. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    10288 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    @Soladylike: That’s exactly how I feel. I want to have a relationship with my child (hopefully daughter) like I have with my mom. One and done, unless it’s a boy, lol. 

    Post # 16
    Member
    3978 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    @pfinarffle:  oh yea, I’m the same. Everyone is always telling me I’d be a great mom. I’m prety sure I would be. I love kids. I’ve worked with kids (infants to pre-teens) for many years. I’m a good teacher, I’m a good disciplinarian. I think kids are fun. I like toys and kids movies even. I’m not afraid of poop or spitup. I’ve cleaned up many a spill and have babysat since I was 12. I love buying my nieces and nephews gifts and taking them places. I have their pictures in my wallet.

    But….I don’t have any desire whatsoever to bear children. Period.

    If somewhere down the road we are in a fantastic place financially and my DH really wants to have foster kids, I think we could consider it, but that’s as close as I hope I ever am to having kids of my own. It’s how I’ve always felt, I’m not saying there’s no chance of my changing my mind, but I’d say it’s doubtful.

    The topic ‘Baby Regret?’ is closed to new replies.

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