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No, I think you are completely justified in thinking that your FMIL shouldnt have to go all the way out there if she is already throwing a shower herself. While I understand why they want her to go, they should understand that money is limited and she is already shelling out a bunch of money to throw her own shower and purchase a gift. I would say it is strange that they did not invite you to the shower considering you are close enough to co-host the shower with your FMIL. However, its probably not worth the fight considering all of the other drama...so I would just try to let it go. It sounds like there is already going to be enough drama if your FMIL doesnt go to the other shower. Good luck :)
If it was in another close by town, maybe yes, she should go, even if she's having her own shower for her. She'd probably want to, in that case.
Trying to guilt her into travelling that far is a bit ridiculous, I think. She might want to send a gift, but it's totally unnecssary considering all she's already doing for them.
Honestly, I would stay out of it. It sounds like the issue is between FBIL and FMIL; I would let them work it out on their own, and stay as far away from the drama as possible.
As far as not getting a courtesy invite... Idk, did they send out invites to all the rest of the in-laws and siblings? I mean, if you're the ONLY sibling/sibling in-law that didn't get an invite, maybe I would be hurt, but otherwise, maybe they knew you weren't going to come anyway so they just saved the invite for someone who could make it?
Sounds like a whole lot of drama for the sake of drama on everyones part.
If your FMIL doesn't want to go then she can say no, they'll get over it.
I'm not sure why she feels like she'd have to spend 200-300 on a gift, I've been to plenty of showers where the other parent is throwing/or has already thrown a shower so they just got a cute little outfit to open at the other baby shower.
If you weren't going to go anyways they probably knew that so why send the invite? There's a lot of friends I didn't mention to invite because I didn't want them to feel any obligation to come because of the distance they'd have to travel.
Just stay out of it. Didn't you say you were aggravated about them having a baby before your wedding? If that was a different baby disregard, but if these people are a source of aggravation for you just stay out of whatever it is they are doing. I personally wouldn't expect people at both showers.
I'm with you & FMIL on this one.
I think it's extremely generous of her to throw FSIL a shower for the baby in NY and getting them a crib!
To expect her to then go to the other shower and bring a expensive gift is a bit much.
I could understand if your FBIL really wanted his mom there at his wife's shower at her hometown. I can understand the having both families there thing. But to expect another gift is ridic. If I were him and I really wanted my mom at a shower not in her city I would pay for her to come here! (BTW thanks for sprouting the idea! I'm totally going to do this if and when we are pregnant and if and when anyone throws us a baby shower here!)
I don't think your FMIL is wrong. If I were her, I'd say something like "I'd love to come, but I can't afford it. Would you be able to help out with XYZ costs?" That way it puts the ball in their court.
As for not inviting you -- maybe they figured you wouldn't come anyway due to the distance and already hosting the other shower etc. I don't think you should be upset about it.
Sounds like your FMIL's problem to deal with. But realistically they shouldn't expect the same people to attend both showers...that seems really odd, especially since she's helping HOST the other one.
IDK, I'm kinda with your FBIL and FSIL on this one. It's their first baby, and they must be so excited to share their joy with their family. I know my DH and I would be very disappointed if his mother didn't want to come to one of our family celebrations. It sounds like for a few tanks of gas and a Hotwire hotel, your MIL should try to make the effort to go. Maybe she can even trade her SUV with someone who has a more efficient car if money is such a problem.
As for the gift, just have her wrap a picture of the crib and have your FSIL announce that that is the gift they are providing.
Honestly,in regards to your FMIL attending this said baby shower, I don't think its your business to worry about. Just stay out of it, less stress on your part.
About being invited, I would probably be hurt, and think you have a "right" so to speak, to feel that way. It doesn't matter though, you didn't want to go anyways, unless you just say that as a defense mechanism. If it makes you feel any better my FSIL can be a real snob sometimes too.
Just go with the flow, and try not to stress, its not worth it.
I'm kind of with your FBIL & FSIL with regard to your FMIL making the trip for the shower. If it is the first baby for them (and even if it isn't) it is a big deal! They just want her there to celebrate with the other family members. As far as your FMIL being expected to bring an expensive gift, I feel like that is crazy! If she is throwing another shower and giving her a gift there, that is more than enough. No one will notice during the out of town shower, and after your FMIL can talk to her and say, 'I will give you my present at the other shower.' I understand if she decided she can't make the trip but I can also see being disappointed if I were the mom-to-be.
Typing this on my iphone so I apologize in advance for my lack of spacing or specific replies… It totally is my FMIL’s issue to deal with but she keeps asking me what I think she should do. I’ve already told her what I think so I guess she’s going to talk to my FBIL about it. As for not being invited, it really doesn’t bother me that I didn’t get an invite but I do find it strange. FI and his brother are pretty close and their family is extremely small (we’re talking like a grandmother and one uncle/his family, that’s it). I’m sure my FBIL/FSIL assumed that I wouldn’t go but I don’t know, I still think it would have been nice to be acknowledged. As for the crib, my FIL’s are giving the crib as their gift at the shower we’re throwing which will be about a month after this other shower.
Whoa, a whole lot of issues here. 1. Your FMIL shouldn't be involving you by asking your opinion. Not cool. 2. It's a family event, where her grandchild is being celebrated. FMIL should go, if she has been invited and if she can afford it. 3. Since she has already "showered" baby with the crib, there is no need to bring another gift. That means FMIL's expenses for attending should just be transportation, lodging, and Burger King on the road. 4. It is not acceptable for FBIL to insist or demand your FMIL attend the shower. If he's made it clear that he would love to have her there, and if she has politely explained that she can't, then the polite thing for FBIL to do is to shut his mouth and move on. 5. As to you being invited... they should have invited you, if that invitation would have resulted in all the women on that side of the family being invited (if it's that easy to reach 100%, why not do it?)... splitting gas and the hotel room with your FMIL would certainly make things more do-able... but, I'd just let it go. There's enough drama here as it is.
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My FBIL & FSIL are due to have their first baby in early August. My FSIL’s family lives a few states over so her sister will be throwing her a shower out there. My FMIL and I are throwing her a shower here for all of the family and friends in NY. On top of throwing her the shower, my FIL’s are buying them their crib which is not cheap. My FBIL is pretty much insisting that my FMIL make the trip to her shower being thrown by my FSIL’s family. Doing this would require her to stay in a hotel over-night, drive both ways (multiple tanks of gas for their gigantic SUV) and purchase another gift. She couldn’t just show up with a few outfits or toys, she would need to buy a somewhat expensive gift (probably around $200-$300). She explained to my FBIL that she and I are throwing FSIL a shower here and that she didn’t think it was necessary for her to have to travel out to the other shower but he seems to disagree.
It’s also not like this baby is the only thing happening this year. We’re getting married 2 months after the kid is born and my FIL’s have already committed to paying for a hand full of things for our wedding. They’re not rich by any means so it’s not like there are buckets of money just lying around. I feel like my FBIL is being selfish in insisting that my FMIL make the trip out there when we are already throwing her a shower here. If we weren’t throwing a shower then I can totally see him wanting her to be there but that’s not the case.
Are we (meaning FMIL and I) wrong in feeling that she really doesn’t need to travel out to the other shower since we’re throwing her one here?
Should she suck it up and go because it’s her grandkid even if it means shelling out another $500+ that they don’t really have?
And, should I be a little offended that I wasn’t invited to said shower? FI is FBIL’s only sibling and their family is extremely small. I feel like I should have been invited even though I wouldn’t have gone anyway.