Post # 1
I read another post about a baby shower and I have some concerns about my friends baby shower and would like some advice.
I work with mostly men in an IT department, I have always organized christmas dinners with spouses so we would all get to know each other.. we’re only 4 in our team so me plus 3 other men. We have gotten all close and have gone to each other’s weddings etc. My co-worker’s wife is pregnant with their first child and due in October. I am also pregnant with my first child due in December. My husband and I are also moving in August.. busy and expensive year.
In April the wife emailed me asking me to throw her a baby shower and then gave me instructions as to where she would like it and what kind of decorations she would like. To be honest I had mixed emotions. Do you really ask someone to throw you a shower then tell them what to do? I said I would be happy to help throw it but cannot do it on my own since I have a lot going on..her response was “well you threw a wedding last year so this can’t be too different”. She would like to invite 70 ppl to her shower! That’s more than I had at my wedding!!!
I was still confused as to who was going to pay for this shower etc.. I spoke to her husband, my co-worker and told him that I was a little stressed out about it. She was asking me to get a venue at a specific place and I was getting nervous about all these costs accumulating. He understood and said that they would be paying for part of it. Honestly this feels like a second wedding more than like a baby shower.. In the end, I’m taking care of invitations and decorations, he is taking care of food and this other girl is taking care of games. The venue has changed and we are now going to have it at a public park..
I don’t know what kind of advice I’m looking for, I’m still a bit weird about the whole thing. Yes I know her but she isn’t my best friend. Am I wrong not to be putting up more money for this?
Post # 2
that is weird. i would have declined any involvement except at guest.
you don’t ask someone to throw a baby shower, your friends and family throw one because they want to.
Post # 3
That is a really tough situation to be in! I think I would be a little ehh myself about it… It seems a little strange, why isn’t a relative throwing her a shower? Normally people don’t ask someone to throw them a shower. Either someone offers or sure you can ask for some help, but to ask someone and assume they will be paying for it seems kind of rude, honestly. Pregnancy hormones? lol. I don’t know, but I would definitely not let her walk all over you. Baby showers can be pretty cheap if you are just taking care of games and decor, especially if it is at a park, less decorating. Most of centerpieces, tablecloths, plates, etc can be purchased at a dollarstore. If you agreed to it, but more so out of obligation and not wanting to say no, I definitely would set a limit for yourself and let her know that. :/
Post # 4
Nope…she’s nuts. Totally inappropriate to request that someone host a shower for you. Even more inappropriate to ask your husband’s coworker to do it. Does she not have any friends or family??
Post # 5
She’s ridiculous. Why is she even asking you to do this? If it’s because she envies your party planning skills and she’s looking for a coordinator, then she should be offering to pay you. Tell her that on second thought, this is really too much for you and that you’re not comfortable planning something so personal for her. The most you should “put up” is a gift. Other news: planning a baby shower is VERY different from planning a wedding and it darn well should be.
Post # 6
octoberbaby: Wow! You never ask someone to throw you any kind of shower and you certainly don’t dictate what is done/purchase. BOOO what a selfish wench.
I would definitely not be doing this.
Post # 7
octoberbaby: The person who is wrong in this situation is her. You do not ask someone to throw you a shower- period. If no one in your circle of family or friends volunteers, then you don’t get one. This couple is taking advantage of you. It’s might be a bit late to make changes depending one when the shower is scheduled, but at least you have limited yourself to decorations and invitations.
Make sure that you do not get sent to pick up anything, or phone in ny orders for anything. You could end up picking up the tab for anything that is in your name.
Post # 8
ajillity81: I know, thinking back I think I should have but she doesn’t have siblings or any close friends I guess? Although then where are these 70 guests coming from?
ahough2: Yeah in the end I’m gonna be making some decorations and my sister is lending me latterns left over from her wedding. The mother to be was insisting on having masson jars with candles in them hanging from trees. I had to put my foot down, I don’t think a public park will allow fire in trees lol
Happy2bMrs: Well no siblings and I guess not many close friends.. I don’t know I felt more obliged than anything.
Overjoyed: omg! I hope she doesn’t envy my party planning skills because I HATE planning parties.. My wedding was a nightmare lol. I just feel so bad backing out this late, ugh
playdohpants: Well at least I’m glad to know I’m not completely off with how I was feeling about it.. I just can’t leave her hanging like this close to the shower.. This would not be good, I see her husband every day and they love me and my husband.. I would feel too bad..
Post # 9
julies1949: Thanks for the advice, I’m letting the husband call and take care of a caterer. As for the invites, while on the subject, do you put registry info on there? Their registry is INSANE. Most items are 200$ and up
Post # 10
octoberbaby: It is ok to include registry information on a shower invitation. I have a feeling the guests are goingto buy a lot of gifts off registry. If anyone asks you for suggestions, diapers are always handy.
Post # 11
- Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island
No, it is really rude and inappropriate to ask someone to throw you a shower. The only thing I can think of that even comes close to this but is okay is what happened with me and my mom. I was talking to her and she brought up showers and said how she wanted to throw one with my aunt but knew that my MIL would probably want to throw one herself. I told my mom honestly that I would prefer for her and my aunt to do it but can understand if they can’t/don’t want to.
But that’s nothing like what this woman did! Not only is she asking you to throw her shower, but she’s telling you what she wants and then expecting you to pay for it?! Is she crazy???! I’m surprised you’re doing as much as you are, and it’s probably too late to back out completely now. More power to you for sticking it out. I would not have caved to this woman in the first place. I’d probably get revenge by telling her she can throw your shower and then doing the same thing to her. But I guess that’s not taking the high road, is it…
Post # 12
octoberbaby: You shouldn’t be putting up ANY money for this. That is incredibly rude and presumptuous of them to even DREAM of asking this of you.
Post # 13
Christy42213: HAHA! That was my plan to throw my shower back in her face but she will have a newborn by then and I’m too nice to get her to do it lol
ANGELaaimt: I think that they have different notions of what is appropriate and not. The husband flat out told me that they are inviting ppl they know aren’t going to come (ppl out of country) but just so they send a gift.. ugh
Post # 14
octoberbaby: You are a very nice person to be doing this. First of all, you never ASK for a shower. A shower is thrown for you but it is the choice of the other person (the host\hostess) to throw it, not a demand made by the person of honor. That’s just so incredibly rude. I would have told her no to be honest, I would have explained that due to my own pregnancy and moving I just wasn’t up to the task. so no you are not wrong for not wanting to spend much on this shower.
Post # 15
What is wrong with these people? Wow I just feel sorry for you OP.