Baby shower for third kid?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: is this in poor taste?
    Yes but you need to go and bring a gift anyway : (40 votes)
    18 %
    Yes and you don't have to participate in going or gifting : (95 votes)
    44 %
    No it's not tacky, go w/ a gift : (36 votes)
    17 %
    No it's not tacky, but you're not obligated to go or gift : (46 votes)
    21 %
  • Post # 3
    Hostess
    15072 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I wouldn’t do a full blown shower,  that is usually just for the first child. You could do a sprinkle which is usually just family and very close friends or a sip and see after the baby is born. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    1590 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    Umm I’m Ok with it if the age difference is big enough. 8 years is on the cusp. That said, anyone who attends a shower should bring a gift though.

    Post # 5
    Member
    7281 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

    Her youngest is an 8 year old boy. I’m pretty sure that means all of the baby stuff has been long since passed on to others. AND this baby is a girl, so it’s not like she has girl clothes stashed away somewhere. AND since when did it become “rude” to celebrate something so wonderful? IMO, your sister is a bit out of line in her thinking on this.

    Post # 6
    Member
    3635 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    It is rude, but if it’s been 8 years since they had a baby at all, and 12 years since she had a baby girl, I can see them needing the basics.  Not that anyone else is obligated to get it for them, but it’s nice to have a little get together.  I mean, in 8 years your carseat is expired and most of your big toys have been recalled, you know?  And I’m sure she got rid of all her girl clothes, or they’re super outdated anyway. 

    Go if you want to, don’t if you don’t want to, get a couple pink outfits and call it a day if you want to get them something. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    2878 posts
    Sugar bee

    @chillinchillin:  I think it’s gift-grabby, to be perfectly honest. I always thought a shower was kinda like a one-time thing, just like a bridal shower, to celebrate the woman’s change of status. Bridal : from unmarried to married, baby shower : from childless to mother. I don’t see why you would need to repeat those once you’ve already been there (unless you didn’t have any shower, ever, then it’s a nice thing to do I think).

    I also don’t share the argument ”they might need girl baby stuff” because of the age difference with her first daughter. If you can’t afford for another baby, don’t have one ?! I would expect at their age and all, to know prior to TTC that they would have to buy everything again, regardless if it’s a girl or boy ?

    ETA : To me a family gathering to celebrate a pregnancy or a baby doesn’t have to be ”a shower” as in ”let’s shower them with gifts”. You can totally expect family members to want to offer gifts, but even if you were my sister, I wouldn’t feel obligated to buy you a bassinet or a stroller for your 3rd kid. Also, I didn’t know you registered for baby items ? Yeah definitely not something that exists where I live. 😉

    Post # 8
    Member
    2355 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    Yet another multiple baby shower thing. I don’t understand why it’s a problem. Where did you guys grow up that I didn’t? I have never heard that you only get a baby shower for the first baby. You aren’t obligated to go, but there’s nothing wrong with them having a baby shower.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1590 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    @NauticalDisaster:  yeah I don’t buy the boy/girl argument either. That’s why I say register for neutral stuff the first time!

    Regardless, if I was close enough with a family member, I’d get the new baby a gift.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1618 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    If they are throwing the shower themselves, yes it’s rude, if not then I don’t see a huge problem with it. It’s been 8 years since they’ve had a baby and they probably don’t have any baby stuff left. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    1266 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    I think considering the age difference it’s fine, plus I always thought the whole “only the first baby gets a shower” thing was weird.  I probably wouldn’t bring gifts to 2nd or 3rd showers if the kids were only a few years apart, but every baby deserves a party!  In this case, I would probably go and bring a small gift.  Most people don’t keep things around for 8 years.

     

    Post # 12
    Member
    2116 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @chillinchillin:  My cousin just had her 4th kid and they had a baby shower! They did not have a registry though since there wasn’t a whole lot they needed. It was more of a get together, but obviously a lot of people still brought presents. We still played games etc.

    I had no idea that people weren’t supposed to have baby showers for babies who aren’t their first until recently. That seems a little weird to me, honestly. What is the big issue? Do people see it as the parents just trying to get new, free stuff? Because a lot of parents don’t keep things. Sometimes they weren’t planning on another, sometimes they give it away to others etc. Plus what if you had all boy stuff and now you are having a girl? Can someone clear it up for me?

    Post # 13
    Member
    9533 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I don’t think it’s rude. It’s a party. Go if you want. If you go, bring a present. Doesn’t have to be anything big. But it doesn’t do anybody any good to be judgey – just go or don’t.

    Post # 14
    Member
    305 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    I don’t know that it’s so much rude to have another shower, but I do feel it’s a little tacky to expect one and to expect to receive gifts.  If she wants to celebrate, she could have a brunch or get together for tea and cake for that matter.

    Of course, you can have as many showers as you want, but I’ve always been under the impression that you only have one for your first child.  I could maybe even understand if this was the first child for a new marriage, but not the second… 

     

    Post # 15
    Member
    526 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    @MsW-to-MrsM:  +100000 I’ve never heard of it being in poor taste to have showers for second/third/fourth/… children until I got to the bee. If the mother’s family & friends want to throw a shower, then there’s nothing wrong with it whatsoever. I don’t like the “If you don’t have money, don’t have children” arguement. If parents waited to have ‘money’ to have children, then most people on earth wouldn’t exist.

    Post # 16
    Member
    305 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    @Fall_In_Love22:  I tend to agree with this…

    Fall_In_Love22 (message)September 22,  2012   DD born Nov 8, 2013       

    If they are throwing the shower themselves, yes it’s rude, if not then I  don’t see a huge problem with it. It’s been 8 years since they’ve had a baby and  they probably don’t have any baby stuff left.

     

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