Post # 1
Hello mothers to bee! I have posted a couple of times about planning my BFF’s shower. The saga continues, but I was wondering, how involved do you plan to be in your baby shower?
The gist is my BFF’s mom asked me and another friend to help her plan the shower but they (mother and BFF) pretty much plan all the details. I personally find that offensive because I feel that I am there to help pay the bill not really “plan.” I come from a place that the shower is a gift to the mother to be from her friends and family and she shouldn’t dictate what she wants down to the details. I sort of feel like if she has a specific vision, she should plan her own shower. Am I wrong?
Post # 3
When the time comes, I will have ZERO input on the planning. lol Atleast I think that’s how it will go beings I wasn’t even allowed to have any clue what was going on with my bridal shower.
I agree with you. Asking you to “help” and then not letting you plan??? Yeah, I’d feel annoyed that I was brought on as a moneybags or something. grrrrrrr
Post # 4
This happened to me just last month 🙁 – it was really hard. I was instructed what invitations to use, what food to provide, what theme to go with. I really felt hurt as I was EXCITED to give my BFF a wonderful shower and show to her how excited I was for the baby and for this change in her life.
In the end, I accepted some of her ideas, put my foot down and said “I want to do this My way” for some of the things and at the end of the day it was fine. I will say it has tainted my excitement a little, which I feel so sad about.
Have you tried talking to her about it? Are there specific things you really wanted/would like to do? Try phrasing it like “I’m really excited for this
, I think you’ll have so much fun” and if she says No or How about this just say “I’ve got it all planned out – just trust me it should be great!” or something
Post # 5
I read your previous posts, and I LOVE the email reply someone suggested on the update post. Her mother is manipulative and will take advantage if you allow it. Did you already agree? If not, I would send that reply. If you already did commit, you could say that you were so excited to help, but you didn’t realize that with the distance, you can’t possibly do as well as her mother can, and volunteer to do something small, like the favors or invitations.
Post # 6
wow, so inappropriate of them!let them throw it themselves. the mom should just throw it, its not totally unusual for a mom to throw a shower so that is what they should do.
the only thing i was involved in was providing a list of people to invite and making sure i was free on the day they planned.
Post # 7
I’m going through the same thing now with my sister! Me and my mother are planning her baby shower, but she keeps trying to dictate what we do and how we do it! Luckily, because she is my sister, I don’t feel bad correcting her and telling her to back off. From her perspective, I think she is just excited. But it gets on my last nerve and I threatened to quit! I also had to deal with this when throwing a friends bridal shower. I don’t understand where people get off dicating these things.
Post # 8
I’m pretty invovled.. but not down to the details. I’m trying to stay out of it 😉 I’m not ‘into’ showers so they really wanted my feeback on the feel of what kinda event I’d like. And I let them know my preferences like ‘no gift opening’, ‘no games’. Plus the activity is one I thought of which will result in my nursery decorations – so it’s hard not to be involved in that.
To my credit my friend does keep calling me for my opinions – so it’s not like I’m ‘controling’ everything – just giving feedback!
It kinda sounds like in your situation the mom/best friend wanted to plan the thing – and your friend asked you as well so you felt included. But it just hasn’t worked out to be a good situation because mom/best friend were already gung ho with ideas? Maybe ‘too many cooks’ for planning. I’m sorry you aren’t able to share your ideas and get as involved as you’d like!
Post # 9
i’m learning that people just do it differently. my sil is helping plan a shower for her friend, and when they met to plan together the soon to be mother was also there to give her imput. personally, i would never want to do that b/c i shouldn’t be working for or at my shower. some people just like more control though.