Weddingbee boards

I think I've been to 2 baby showers in my whole life so this is a new ball game for me. Mainly because I hate all bridal and baby showers so I typically decline unless it's for a close friend or family member. Just not my scene.

I have recently been invited to 2 upcoming baby showers for distant cousins on my husband's side of the family. 1 of which I have met maybe twice and probably didn't say much besides hellos, a merry christmas and a good bye. The other I didn't even know existed. I found out about this woman (my MIL's second cousin's daughter-in-law) only because my MIL flipped out when she heard I never received an invitation. She's real big on making sure I'm included on everything now because we're family. I guess she made a major stink to the family even after my husband told her to just leave it alone and like magic I received the invite in today's mail.

Let me preface by saying I really am a nice and thoughtful person, however, I'm a little peeved at the MIL for making such an ordeal about this knowing I'm currently unemployed. I'm really not in a place where I can be spending my precious unemployment benefits to go in on a gift. I'm barely scrapping by paying the bills. Plus I don't appreciate her not respecting both my husband or my feelings on the subject, but that's a whole other issue.

Even though I don't know these people and am declining to attend the showers (mainly because I don't want to go and now for principle) should I still send a gift? I've read that you're not required to give a gift for baby showers if you decline, that's only required for bridal showers. ??? But I don't want to look like an a$$hole either. I'm not really sure how all this works and what I can do financially. The MIL wants to go in on a gift with some other family members "because it's cheaper", but I don't want her to know that I can't even bring myself to spend $20 unless it's for necessities right now. I'd prefer to keep my finances private to the family.

What would you ladies do? Or think is appropriate in my situation? Thanks!

I do feel screwed and I do feel that if I did go that it would almost be condoning my MIL's actions. Most of the things she does or says causes a rift between my husband and I. He almost always takes my side on things, however, I have to be very careful about what I say about his family - it's ok for him to go off about them, but not for me. And I get it. I'd probably be the same way if he had any beef with my parents. 

After sleeping on it, I realize this is more about my relationship with the MIL than the baby showers. I feel that I need to lay the ground work now because I'm honestly very concerned that she'll go buck wild now that I'm married to her son. I feel like she has zero boundaries nor does she respect others feelings or opinions. It's always what she wants and she just does it (oh, I have a delightful list of things that get my blood boiling). I purposely did not have any bridal showers or allow her to know anything about our wedding planning because I knew it would have been a total nightmare otherwise. Regardless, she still gave us sh*t about our wedding (being small) and could not have been more disinterested on the day of... and even showed up late which is still a thorn in my side. I figure if I sit back and not always participate in their family events (I'll still attend things for people I actually know), they won't expect much from me. Also, maybe, just maybe, she'll start to see that she's pushing me away. A girl can hope.

Is there a board tab called "MIL Drama"? I think I need to edit and switch it over from babies. 

Thanks ladies! All great advice. And thanks for listening. I really needed to vent! 

So I'm not crazy thinking this is a bit ridiculous to be invited to my mother-in-law's second cousin's daughter-in-law's baby shower?! Especially since I never met anyone from that branch of my husband's family. Or ever heard of them.

Even though family planning is not on my radar, my mom and I already said that she would not go in on a shower with my MIL. My mom would plan me something with close friends and family, but be there for moral support when the MIL goes bananas on a shower she'd throw for me. Of course I'd try to get out of it, but I most likely would have to bit the bullet. I'm scared. 

Looking back, if I allowed my MIL to have any involvement with my wedding planning or allowed her and my FIL to pay for any portion of the wedding (they wanted to, but we were adamant to pay for everything ourselves), I most likely would not be married. I would have ran for the hills... or we would have eloped (which we practically did anyway). Isn't that sad? I'd give up on love because of the monster mother?

Thanks again for being a great sounding board and all the input. I discussed this further with the husband and asked him what he thinks I should do about the showers since they were both for his family. He told me not to attend the one where his mom acted all crazy about, but he would take care of the gift since it's his family & it would be major drama if I didn't send anything. The mother-to-be registered to bank their umbilical cord blood and my MIL called my husband giving him an earful how stupid and disgusting the idea was. So, we are totally donating to the cause. And may even do it ourselves down the road. LOL Take that, lady. I have yet to receive any invite for the other baby shower, but I'm sure my MIL will make it happen one way or another. Ahh.