Post # 1
Ok I’m due March 23rd and my husband and I are both very excited. This is my second child and his first but since my daughter is 6 years old I feel like it’s all new all over again, well mostly.
Anyways, I want to have my baby shower in late January to early February and my mom is telling me that it WILL be in late February. My situation is a little screwed up at the moment, due to financial reasons we are living with my parents. We also share one car and my husband always has it because he is the only one working at the moment. Basicly due to his work and school schedule we only have fridays to get stuff done on. I want to have the extra time to be able to buy things we didn’t get at the baby shower and return anything if we have doubles. Plus with my first pregnancy I was in the hospital every weekend 1 1/2 months before she was due trying to stop labor and when I did have her she was 2 weeks early. For that reason I want it to be early just incase something like that happens again.
My mom is not very reasonable and thinks that her way is the only way and I have tried to tell her when I would like to have the shower and why but she is not budging. I think that she is wanting to throw the shower but I don’t want her to if she isn’t going to listen to anything that I want. Is there anyway that I can politely recline her throwing the shower or have someone else throw it that will help me have it the way that i’m comfortable with? Also my husband was wanting to be the one to host the shower (as I said he is VERY excited), what do you all think about that?
Post # 3
You can’t ask people to throw you a shower! People have to say that they will throw you the shower. And, your husband throwing you a shower is going to look like nothing more than a gift grab.
So, either you wait til a friend volunteers to throw you a shower or you accept one from your mother.
Anyway, are second showers common? They’re not in my area. You only get one!
Post # 4
Have you asked her reasoning for insisting on late February? Maybe open up the conversation for feedback from both sides and see if she is more reasonable and you can find a compromise that makes everyone happy?
Post # 5
There have been many previous discussions about the ettiquette surrounding showers.
Showers should be hosted by someone other than the immediate family- otherwise it is a pure and simple request for gifts.
Do you have friends or more distant family who could host a shower?
Post # 6
I think you should tell her that you really want it sooner because of the reasons listed above and if she says no, then maybe you can tell her that you would rather her not throw the shower and have your husband throw you one if he wants. i agree it is rude to ask other people to throw a shower. good luck =)
Post # 7
your husband can’t host the shower…it would look like a gift grab. especially since you already have a kid, it would look bad.
have you calmly explained to your mom why you want it earlier? you can’t accomodate a shower to have time to return things though – that makes you sound ungrateful. there are very few things you need right when the baby is born anyway.
Post # 8
I don’t think you should ask someone else to throw you a shower, nor do I think your husband should host it. However if a friend offered then you could decline your mother’s offer, and be sure to mention to your friend when would be conveinent to you. Do you have any couple friends who might throw one for you?
When throwing a shower the host/ess SHOULD consider the person they are throwing it for and what would be the best time/location for them. Does your mother give any particular reason as to why she wants to have it in late February? If she has a good reason, I’d just mention your concerns about having to exchange things/the possibility of being hospitalized and just ask if she would mind returning things if you are unable to.
Realistically though you could have your husband return things after the baby is born – most places will give you 60-90 days to return or exchange.
Post # 9
Well I guess I better say I wouldn’t ask someone to throw me a shower my cousin and I talked about her throwing the shower way before I was even pregnant. I know that she would do it but my mom is wanting to. I’m pretty sure that the more than one shower thing is pretty common where I live. We almost have to have it that way anyways because we both have big families and would have to rent a building to have a place big enough for both sides of the family and our friends.
As for the returning things that was just if we happen to get doubles of anything that we don’t need more than one of, we probably won’t which is fine with me, I just want to have time to get our room ready for the baby. My daughter has her own room but the baby will be in ours till we get a place of our own.
Post # 10
I’ve never heard of a husband hosting a shower, but I am still trying to wrap my head around co-ed showers anyways these days. Honestly, if someone, including your mom, wants to throw you a shower, they are going out of their way to do so and while I think they should consider your feelings, it is their gesture. FWIW, I disagree with the attitude that it is wrong to have a second shower-it is your husbands first child and there is a 6 yr gap between this child and your first. It is actually common in situations like that and there is no written rule you only get one shower. Hell, my inlaws have a shower for every kid born and yes even for their immediate family, gasp! You can talk to your mom about it and express your concerns, but essentially she is the one throwing it.
Post # 11
My mom’s reason to wait till mid February is that she thinks that any sooner is too close to Christmas.
Post # 12
Yea I understand that she is wanting to do me a favor I think a lot has to do with her attitude toward it that I’m not liking. I also have never heard of a husband throwing one and I told him that isn’t how it works, he just really wants to be involved. lol
My great aunt is very into ettiquette and was talking to my cousin about throwing baby showers and such and apparently it is ok for me to have one since my children are 5 years apart or more. lol I just thought that was a funny bit of information.
I really appreciate all of your help and suggestions about this, I guess I’m just really wanting my mom to take my concerns into consideration and just not whatever she wants like usual. I have a lot of issues with my mom about a lot of things, but that is a whole other vent entirely. lol
Post # 13
@bridemia0415: Maybe your husband can help your mom out if he’s excited about it. If you have a co-ed shower then it would be good to involve him.
Post # 14
I agree with Camrie, let DH help mom out and stay out of the way so she can do her thing. They can bond, he stays involved, you can whisper in his ear if you want to ‘suggest’ something. It is, afterall, a gift to get a shower thrown for you.
The only ‘request’ i made re: one of my baby showers is that a friend wanting to host could combine with another person she didn’t really know to host and invite people b/c I was having too many showers (yes, I was exhausted and it would have been shower #5). I think that would-be hostess got a little left in the dust by the other one already planning and I wish I would have just backed off and let everyone do their thing for me when/where/how they wanted.
@bridemia0415: And I do feel your pain…my mama is currently irritating me and I had to put my foot down on other things along the way. Let her have this one though, if at all possible, in my opinion.
Post # 15
@bridemia0415: In all honesty, your mom has a very valid point. My sister’s shower is this weekend. Tons of people declined for no clear reasons (people we were very surprised couldn’t come, such as 10 of his 12 sisters (HUGE family!)). We truly think we just did it too soon after Christmas, and people can not afford to spend more money already. Our guest list was 75 and we will be lucky if we have 35.