Post # 1
So, my friend is having a baby shower this weekend. This is her second baby and her first baby, a boy, just turned 3. She knew she wanted more kids (she wants like 4) but besides his crib, she gave away or sold almost all of his things (baby swing, bottles, pack-n-play, etc.) Not only did she know she wanted more kids, but they started trying again before he turned two, so I’m not sure why she got rid of everything.
Now getting a gift for her doesn’t bother me. This baby is a girl so I’m excited to find a cute little outfit or something. But as far as the shower goes, I just don’t want to go! I threw her first baby shower and bought her a $150 gift. I just feel like this time, a small gift is appropriate and a shower is unnecessary.
I do feel that if a second (or even third, etc.) baby is born many years after the last child, then maybe it’s more appropriate because then most items are expected to be gone and even if they weren’t, they’d be recalled or expired.
What are your thoughts?
Post # 3
I think it’s still nice to have sprinkle for a new baby, especially if it’s a different gender. But never a full blown shower unless there is a huge age gap and they couldn’t have been expected to still have baby things/safety regulations may have changed.
Post # 4
I feel like it MIGHT be okay if you have different genders…but even then, most of the stuff is the same. I don’t think its okay really… but I have NO idea what the protocol or etiquette would be. I have never known anyone who had more than one baby shower.
Post # 5
I’m having my second girl. My first will turn 3 shortly after her baby sister is born. We are having a sprinkle. Asking for diapers, wipes, and anything else they want to give. Honestly I just want to see everyone before the baby is born and have a nice dinner. I don’t need gifts and they know they can just show up empty handed(:
Post # 6
That’s just gift grabby. The shower is meant for new parents who wouldn’t already have basic items, not for second or third time parents.
Post # 7
IMO this is never ok. Gift grabby to the max!! I would not attend
Post # 8
I agree! It just seems gift grabby. Not that I won’t get her a gift, but I’d rather just give it to her when I come see her once the baby is born. I don’t feel the need to dedicate an entire afteroon to it.
Post # 9
@taraelisabeth: My moh is due a month before the wedding, their second, I fully plan on buying him a little outfit or blankie because that’s just what aunties do. If she planned on having another shower, I would go because she’s my best friend, but I would think it’s tacky and tell her so.
Post # 10
- Wedding: March 2014 - Brazil Room
I see that I’m in the minority here. I don’t have children, but I think it’s nice to gather together to celebrate a new baby no matter how many you’ve already had. If any of my good friends had a 2nd baby, I’d love to have a little shindig with other friends to celebrate. Maybe have a little cake and give a little something their way… But my friends are the opposite of gift grabby and would in no way expect a gift nor be upset if someone showed up empty handed.
Post # 11
I believe ALL babis deserve a shower. No matter what the gender is or how many years it’s been since the last. All babies are special, why only give a shower to the first and then ignore the other kids? Doesn’t make sense to me.
That being said, I have had showers for ALL 3 of my kids. The first 2 showers were HUGE. Of course the first was because it was our first baby and the first grandbaby on both sides. The second because it was 7 years later and a baby girl. Now my 3rd came just over a year after my second and the shower was smaller (what I wanted). I had most everything too so all I needed was clothes since it was a boy.
I am pregnant with my 4th and I didn’t want a shower but my family and friends share the same sentiment I do… why does this baby NOT get a shower when the other babies did? After all, he is just as special. I thought I was done with kids after my 3rd so I gave EVERYTHING away. And it was 5 years ago since my son was a baby. I told my friend I don’t want a big shower (as I don’t want a shower at all), but it’s nice to know that my family and friends want to celebrate the new baby with a nice get together. Dh and I are buying most of the bigger items ourselves and are not registering (we’ve never registered anyway for any of our babies).
I just don’t see why it’s a big deal if someone has a shower for 2nd, 3rd or so on babies. I never knew people thought like this until I was pregnant with my second and people said having a shower for a second child is tacky unless 1: it’s a different sex OR 2: it’s been more than 4 plus years since the last baby. So glad my family and friends don’t think like that.
Post # 12
@taraelisabeth: I think you (or another one of her friends) should organize a brunch or have a potluck in her honour, but I don’t think it’s necessary to re-purchase all of the items that she sold or gave away. I would get her something small – clothing or accessories under $30. Babies are a blessing and should be celebrated, but you don’t have to break the bank to do so.
Congratulations to your friend!
Post # 13
This is my third baby and I’m having a shower BUT I didn’t get to have a shower with my other two and I’m mainly just in it for the experience.
My boss is having her 5th and will be having a smaller shower. i think it just depends on your friends/family/social circle.
Post # 14
This really depends on your social circle. Generally speaking, it’s usually not “done”. However, if your friends and family wanted to throw you a second shower, it would be rude to decline. Usually, it’s common practice to have a sprinkle which is a toned-down shower for the subsequent children. The mom probably shouldn’t register but the host(esses) can request diapers/wipes or books.
I, and a few friends, had a sprinkle recently for a friend and it was a lot of fun. Her DH didn’t want us to have one because he said it was tacky, but we missed her first one so it made sense to us to celebrate this baby.
In the end, if it offends someone, s/he doesn’t have to come. Again, if it’s not the mother throwing it for herself, what’s the big deal?
Post # 15
the teacher of my classroom that I work in had a huge baby shower for her fourth baby and thrid girl. There was a seven year age gap between the baby and her youngest. This baby was a oops baby. I understand in a way why she had a shower cause she gave away all her baby stuff. Ok but it was like a 60 people shower and she got 1000s of dollars worth of gifts. So to me it was a little gift grabby. Between that and her lack of thank you notes yeah.
Post # 16
I think all babies should be celebrated and gatherings with your friends is always fun. But if it were my second baby, I would not register for anything. I would just plan my own get together and call it a “sprinkle” if it’s the opposite gender. Or have a co-ed “Sip and See” AFTER the baby is born just to celebrate.